Hello again; you may or may not have noticed that I didn't upload a 'Happy Things' post on Monday of this week. This is literally the first week in 30 weeks that I've skipped that little routine of mine, in all honesty it felt strange. However, it was a decision that I needed to make and therefore a decision that I need to talk about with you all (if anyone is reading this, thank you!) and hopefully this will explain why my blogging has been so random and disorganised recently.
The truth is, that mental health isn't the kind of illness that you can just recover from and forget about; you literally will live with it every day of life from the minute that you realise that the illness is there. It manifests itself at the most difficult of times and it's such a pain, sometimes literally so. For many years I was having panic attacks and not realising that was what they were; only the other day did I have a huge panic attack on the tube. (A huge, heartfelt thank you to the lady who handed me some tissues to clean myself up with, I don't think I said it enough at the time. Little acts of kindness mean everything in those moments). Whenever my mental health starts to rear it's ugly head it's after weeks of success; no panic attacks, minimal anxiety, no depressive thoughts and a good diet. On the flip side, if mental health wants to remind me why it's such a bastard then I get panic attacks, a slight eating disorder, stress, hours upon hours of crying and depression. It's not easy to manage to keep it together to work, but somehow I almost always do.
I don't know why I feel so down. If I'm honest, I shouldn't be feeling so down; I have a job that I enjoy and supportive friends. Sometimes I forget to eat, to blog, to do many things that I would do without even thinking on a regular day. However, the reason for me writing this down and explaining this to you, (whoever you are, wherever you are in the world) is to make it clear that life is never easy and the hardest way is always the best route. That's something I've learnt after many years. It's good to talk, it's ok to not be ok all of the time.
Last week I took a bit of a break from social media because I wasn't feeling my best; I didn't want to get sucked into the idea that everyone apart from me has the perfect life because that's an ideal that's not true. No one in today's society has the perfect life and I'm sure everyone in this world has something to worry and stress about and that's all important to remember. Instagram, Twitter, even blogging; all social media is simply a snippet of a persons life and of course we all show only the best parts of our life. The reason that I've taken the time to be open about my own struggles is that this is a reminder to talk about how mental health makes us feel like shit but ultimately none of us are alone as long as we open up about how we're feeling. Sorry that this was quite a serious post, but it's one I really needed to make. Much love, Rachel xxx
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