Book Review: Turtles All The Way Down

After reading countless rave reviews about this book, I decided to read it. Written in first person by sixteen year old Aza, we see everything through her eyes. Her life is fairly standard, although she lives her every minute haunted by a mental illness. From the outset, her life doesn't seem to be unbearably difficult as she has a caring, supportive mother and a best friend, Daisy who always makes time for her, even if she has to balance work and School work around Aza. In terms of School work, Aza never seems to struggle, actively completing homework and ensuring that she talks to her mother about how she feels whether at home or elsewhere. The meetings with her therapist were interesting to read as whenever she tried to explain how she was feeling both the inner voices in her head would reply and her therapist, which added to the understanding of how she must feel having to live alongside a constant inner muttering of unnecessary thoughts at every moment. Unfortunately, her condition makes her incredibly selfish, making it hard to sympathise with her at times.

The strongest part of this book was how realistically Aza struggled to live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder alongside severe anxiety and how this affected those closest to her. Although this was a secondary part of the plot, it was actually the most memorable thing; how her chance at dating was scuppered by her fear of germs and catching diseases; it did seem extreme but that is an honest portrayal of the Disorder. The lengths that she takes to limit germs and contact with others was difficult to read, particularly as the writing style showed her deepest, most difficult to handle thoughts. Describing her every day life, as a reader you witness her need to constantly check out articles on her phone relating to the spread of bacterial infections, how once a thought is planted into her mind the thoughts just get louder and wilder until she acts upon the irrational thoughts that demand an intense need for cleanliness and sanitiser. The little things, such as the cover of the novel representing spiraling thoughts of Aza's mind, the thoughts that she's unable to ignore, even when she wants to, really helps to demonstrate how possessive the Disorder can be.

The introduction of Davis, a childhood friend added another level to the story, alongside Daisy's relationship with Mychel; however I liked that the romance side of things didn't take over the plot. Davis and his younger brother, Noah find themselves in an uncomfortable situation that Noah in particular genuinely can't cope with; your heart breaks just by reading about his plight. Both boys are fragile, but unfortunately so is Aza and so the potential of a relationship between her and Davis seems like an impossible dream. Aza's condition make her completely and utterly self-absorbed, although unintentionally, which is why it is so easy to feel sorry for her; she adores her friends and family but her mind doesn't allow her to escape or relax. Daisy is the best friend that many people would dream of as although she can be harsh and at times cruel due to frustration at the friend she loves being so selfish, however intentionally. That said, Daisy is very supportive and does her best to understand Aza even at her worst moments, when Aza doesn't understand herself.

Overall, I found this book to be an interesting read; I have a bit of love/hate relationship with John Green's novels if I'm honest. His ideas are always excellent, although I feel like the execution could be better and that has thus far has unfortunately rang true for each of the books that I've read by the author at this point. The portrayal of living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and extreme Anxiety was beautiful, it was definitely the strongest part of the plot, as you were also shown how others respond to mental heath too, but in this case it literally took over the majority of the book. It was great to see a average teenager living through her mental health problems, but the execution of the plot felt clumsy, there was a lot of things going on; investigations, mental health, relationships... All in all, it was a good read as it portrayed mental illness both carefully and realistically, but the other themes were a bit confusing as they all mixed in together, although that could also because the reader sees into the narrators mind and that is how she sees the world. This book had a lot of potential, the writing was good, but not outstanding. As much as it was a compelling read, it was only a 3 star as the ending didn't wow me and I just had too many questions and not enough answers, sadly.

Monthly Playlist: September

Hello again guys; it feels to be blogging again, today I spent some time taking photos for some upcoming blog posts and I feel like I’ll definitely try to get back into the swing of it but this month has taken a lot out of me, for some reason. Mental health isn’t an easy thing, it’s not something that’s magically fixed and I feel very lucky to say that my life is going well at the moment so there’s no particular reason for why I’ve felt like shit, but it is what it is. I like to be honest with you, so here it is; life is hard and it’s a struggle. That said, soon there’s a new month which is always a good excuse to be more positive in general. I’m sorry that I’m posting this so late in the month, but it’s better late than never in a way. My music is strange as always, with a mix of artists, genres and styles all muddled in somehow. One of things that I love about using an iPod is that I can put my phone away, press shuffle on the iPod and just fall into the music and forgetting about using social media or anything like that. It’s a great way to disconnect and chill out a little bit. It’s starting to get a bit colder now and even though it’s far away, I can’t wait for Christmas time as it’s a great excuse to bring out the cheesiest music there is. Is it just me that loves a good bit of cheese? I hope you’re all well and I’ll see you again very soon! :)

1. One Thing - One Direction

2. Black Magic - Little Mix

3. Swim - Douglas Dare

4. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks 

5. Live or Die - Noah Cyrus & Lil Xan

6. Se Vuelve Loca - CNCO

7. Best Song Ever - One Direction

8. In the Name of Love - Martin Garrix & Bebe Rexha

9. Mi Mala - Mau y Ricky & Karol G

10. What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) - Kelly Clarkson

11. Say Amen (Saturday Night) - Panic! At the Disco

12. Ghost - Ella Henderson

13. Like I Did - Leadley

14. Chantaje - Shakira 

15. High Hopes - Panic! At the Disco

Ways to care for your Mental Health

Hello again guys; today’s post is about a fairly important topic. Mental health is no laughing matter and actually many more people suffer from some form of mental illness than they even realise themselves. Anxiety is a massive issue for many people, myself included and so I think that it’s super important to talk about it and also share some advice, some tips that actually helped improve my life in a variety of ways. All of these little additions to my daily, weekly or monthly routines have really helped shaped my mental health over the past year or so and I really want to make a difference if I can. Raising awareness involves talking about things and I do try to be really honest with whoever reads my blog, so here we are;

Find a hobby

This is probably the one thing that really changed my life. I started this blog (with a different name) back when I was at university and unsurprisingly, like many of my projects back in the day, it got shelved. However, roughly a year afterward I decided to give the blog a major overhaul with a new design, name and focus and I haven’t looked back. I don’t stick to a religious upload schedule but instead I post what I want, when I want. I’ve always loved photography, being creative and reading and this blog represents all of those things. Another hobby is reading; I used to read a lot as a child but had never read as an adult, but I've found that it is a great way to pass some time positively. A hobby can be something as simple as reading on the journey to work, anything that will ultimately help you to relax and bring some enjoyment into some of your free time.

Exercise

This isn’t as scary as it sounds; I’m definitely not the most active of people, but I do try and go for a walk every so often to clear my mind and think freely. I enjoy seeing the cityscape and noticing changes across the landscape as I walk. Often, I'll take some photographs of the landscape as I walk to remind myself of why I enjoy seeing the world and how it can change in just a few months or years. Having a good walk does help you to reflect on life and think about the changes you can make to improve how you feel about your life, too. If I'm walking alone I like to put headphones in and listen to music to create a kind of rhythm between my body and my mind.

Talk to people

There is always someone out there who will listen to you; even as an adult I constantly have to remind myself that it is not about how many friends I have, it's how many of them are great friends to me. I don't tell people how I feel often enough, although I'm slowly learning to talk about how I feel much more often, even if talking involves saying that I’m not feeling my best via blog post or tweet; that is much better than simply ignoring how I feel. It’s so important to be aware of how you feel and telling someone, anyone that you’re having a problem is the only way that you can start to rebuild yourself and take control of the negative thoughts and feelings.

Let it all out

Life isn't easy and every person struggles at some point. The important thing is to remember that someone cares about you. If you don't want to talk to someone, write your feelings down in a diary or on a laptop then simply forget about it; the idea is to let it out without involving another person if you don't want to, so you can be as personal as you'd like and no one has to know if you don't want them to.

Just Breathe

It sounds like an easy thing, but sometimes stress and feeling down affect your physical health too; it is so important to take the time to simply breathe. When I'm not feeling my best I try to count to ten carefully breathing in and out to regulate my breathing and stop a panic attack arising. Sometimes without even realising you don’t breathe properly and it is seriously important to think about your physical health as equally important as your mental health as they work together; you have to look after yourself in every way, not just one way.

November Moodboard

Hello again guys; I’m actually really looking forward to the end of this month as I’m going to Amsterdam with my boyfriend and some our friends, which is super exciting. As much as I’m not a fan of flying, it is only an hour and the city looks absolutely beautiful. There’s so much to see and do that I doubt I’ll be able to fit it all in, but we’ll see, haha. All of the images below are from Pinterest using the tags Amsterdam, November and Ear Piercing. Just a little disclaimer: I don’t own any of these images. It’s definitely getting a lot darker and colder, which can be a bit stressful in terms of mental health, but in the other hand, having a lie in snuggled up under a warm duvet feels like heaven in the colder months, so sometimes it’s about finding the little things that really matter. At the moment I’m really inspired to revamp my earrings and have a kind of set style; I’m in love with dainty gold jewellery so I’m on the hunt for some, fingers crossed I’ll be starting with my rook as it doesn’t match the other jewellery at all. I’m also debating what to get for my next piercing, Pinterest is amazing for finding inspiration for a variety of things. What kinds of things are inspiring you this month? Let me know in the comments! :)

Snippets of Life: Living with Mental Health

Hello again; you may or may not have noticed that I didn't upload a 'Happy Things' post on Monday of this week. This is literally the first week in 30 weeks that I've skipped that little routine of mine, in all honesty it felt strange. However, it was a decision that I needed to make and therefore a decision that I need to talk about with you all (if anyone is reading this, thank you!) and hopefully this will explain why my blogging has been so random and disorganised recently.

The truth is, that mental health isn't the kind of illness that you can just recover from and forget about; you literally will live with it every day of life from the minute that you realise that the illness is there. It manifests itself at the most difficult of times and it's such a pain, sometimes literally so. For many years I was having panic attacks and not realising that was what they were; only the other day did I have a huge panic attack on the tube. (A huge, heartfelt thank you to the lady who handed me some tissues to clean myself up with, I don't think I said it enough at the time. Little acts of kindness mean everything in those moments). Whenever my mental health starts to rear it's ugly head it's after weeks of success; no panic attacks, minimal anxiety, no depressive thoughts and a good diet. On the flip side, if mental health wants to remind me why it's such a bastard then I get panic attacks, a slight eating disorder, stress, hours upon hours of crying and depression. It's not easy to manage to keep it together to work, but somehow I almost always do.

I don't know why I feel so down. If I'm honest, I shouldn't be feeling so down; I have a job that I enjoy and supportive friends. Sometimes I forget to eat, to blog, to do many things that I would do without even thinking on a regular day. However, the reason for me writing this down and explaining this to you, (whoever you are, wherever you are in the world) is to make it clear that life is never easy and the hardest way is always the best route. That's something I've learnt after many years. It's good to talk, it's ok to not be ok all of the time.

Last week I took a bit of a break from social media because I wasn't feeling my best; I didn't want to get sucked into the idea that everyone apart from me has the perfect life because that's an ideal that's not true. No one in today's society has the perfect life and I'm sure everyone in this world has something to worry and stress about and that's all important to remember. Instagram, Twitter, even blogging; all social media is simply a snippet of a persons life and of course we all show only the best parts of our life. The reason that I've taken the time to be open about my own struggles is that this is a reminder to talk about how mental health makes us feel like shit but ultimately none of us are alone as long as we open up about how we're feeling. Sorry that this was quite a serious post, but it's one I really needed to make. Much love, Rachel xxx

Happy Things #29 // Honesty

Hello again, it's already Monday.

I share so much of my life, my opinions with you... Whoever you are, wherever you are in the world. Every Monday I post five happy things that will happen sometime during the week as a way of keeping my mental health on the positive side of life. However, the truth about having high functioning anxiety is that on the surface you look like you're coping when it reality you're breaking down inside.

Over the course of the last weekend I had one of the worst weekends in terms of my mental health for a long time. 

I couldn't sleep, purged on food... Cried constantly and spent hours looking at old friends online, missing them... Struggling to accept change. It's so incredibly difficult sometimes to be positive, regardless of how many lists of positivity you make. It's important to be honest, to be real about how you feel.

After a seriously bad weekend, I've woken up on Monday and survived Monday. I'm feeling much better, I'm ok. The reason behind this post that it's ok to slip up, to have a bad day, or week. But it's important to talk to someone, let anyone know how you feel. Try to move on. Life is hard, the path to happiness is never easy and it's something you have to constantly work at. This week I'm not writing a list, I want to live my life without sticking to a routine. Just for a week.

Happy Things #18

 

1. I'm enjoying the start of May as a bank holiday is always a welcome start to the week; it really makes Monday bearable and gets me in a good mood for the rest of the week as with my current job I'm able to have bank holidays off, which is amazing.

2. Tonight I had dinner and a catch up with my best friend, which is always great and puts my mind in a positive place. Good food and good company is forever lovely and Amanda never fails to make me feel relaxed and much better about my life.

3. Here's to a four day working week! Fingers crossed I will have a new bed and mattress tomorrow, which is super exciting as that fingers crossed that will mean that I'll get a good nights sleep for the first time in a few weeks.

4. The flowers shown in the photograph above are starting to bloom and I love watching them grow; in fact I just love getting any kind of flowers as they're so aesthetically pleasing and make the world seem much more colourful.

5. As my gym membership still isn't ready, I'm going to try and be good in the sense that I'm planning to try running again; I got really into running a couple of years back before I got lazy and I think it's a good place to start whilst I wait for the gym membership to go through.

 

How I Found Happiness

 

I learnt to be confident 

Over the past year or so, I realised that I've always envied those people who come across as super confident, content individuals. When I thought back to School, University and even my working life I also realised that I was at my happiest point in my working life. It sounds crazy but I absolutely loved my work; I developed skills and friendships, I got promoted and I was confident and happy within myself. I'm not saying that every day was perfect because no one in this world has a perfect life. However, this was when it occurred to be that I was happy because I was confident. The reason that I was confident was because I learnt to fake it! I wasn't always right, in fact I was often wrong but I was never worried about what others thought of me and that was the key. During the past few months I changed jobs and I kept that lesson with me; even if you're nervous pretend you're not. The only thing holding yourself back is you.

I ditched the diet

I'm the first to admit that I'm not 100% happy with my body shape. I had an eating disorder growing up so I'm very aware of my body image but at the same time I've learnt not to dwell on it. The reason that I'm not a size 4 is because my body isn't supposed to be and that's ok. At one point I was doing my best to eat clean and stifle cravings, but that actually made me feel really rubbish. So I decided that if life is to be lived, I'll eat a cake, I'll have ice cream and I'll definitely chew down a nice greasy burger if I want to! I'm not saying that I eat bad food everyday, but I don't deprive myself of the things that I want anymore. After all, the naughtiest food tastes the best and looks the best on instagram so that's always a bonus too! I like going for catch ups with my best friend and eating good food and drink, which would be impossible if I didn't relax.

Restructured my friendship group

When you've been severely depressed to the point where you reach rock bottom, it sounds so typically cliché but you really do learn who your true friends are. Those who couldn't be bothered to make an effort with me, I stopped begging for effort and attention from. I don't even miss them as I have a much better group of friends right now; I've also rekindled some friendships that I needed to work on from university and school; people who I had really missed having in my life. Now I concentrate on those who were there for me at my worst and they're the ones who deserve to know me now that I'm feeling better. I understand that it's hard when you're not well but at the same time, when you're down you need support from those closest to you.

I engaged in a hobby

I actually started this blog back in 2013 and never really pushed myself to post regularly. However, at the suggestion of my boyfriend I decided to indulge in a hobby to keep my mind busy. So, I decided to get back into blogging and completely overhauled my blog last summer. I changed the the username and the layout and began to actually make an effort to post regularly. As I studied Fine Art at university, blogging is a fantastic way of using my creativity again. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, I started spending my time planning and writing blog posts instead which not only filled up my time but actually gave me something to focus on and see improvements from. The more I started posting, the more readers I got and I saw the benefits of making an effort gave me. Plus, I've enjoyed getting more involved within the blogging community, there are so many amazingly supportive people in this world.

I found love 

My boyfriend has honestly been the most supportive person in my life during the past year. I was thinking that no one old ever love me, that I didn't deserve anyone or anything, but he's changed all of that. He literally encourages me every step of the way to be more positive and life my life without any regrets, through being more confident and seeing friends more often. He's introduced me to a different way of life and I'm ever grateful to him for that. I never thought I'd see different parts of this world and now I've seen things that I had never imagined.

Ultimately, I found myself. From within myself I found my happiness.

 

Life Update // POSITIVITY

 

Spring has most definitely sprung and I do feel like better weather generally equals a better frame of mind; ever since I was little I've loved seeing the beauty of spring, how nature suddenly develops and blooms. I'm doing my absolute best to continue blogging as much as I can as I do really love it, it's definitely giving me something positive to focus on. I've had a bit of a relapse in terms of my mental health recently and so at the minute I'm focussing on what I enjoy; I really enjoy blogging. I blog for myself, because I love writing and I love photography. I studied a creative arts degree and so this blog is such a fantastic way to utilise my creative side within my everyday life. I like sharing my images, my interests and ultimately myself with whoever reads my blog.

In terms of blogging, I've actually made a fairly big step in terms of my blogging journey! I actually have an official .co.uk domain now, which I'm actually really excited for as this now means that all of my social networking matches using the apearlydream branding. I may not have the most page views ever, but actually I'm not fussed; I want to constantly improve my content and enjoy getting more involved in the blogging community. I'm proud of how far my blog has come in the last few months and having a domain name really reflects how happy I am with where I'm currently at with my blog. Right now, I do feel more settled within my everyday life and I'm enjoying having a new job which is helping me learn more about myself and challenging me in a positive way. 

Throughout this month I'm planning to explore more of London and capture what I see; I used to carry a camera everywhere when I was younger and I definitely used to find beauty in the most unexpected of places. I want to refind that determination to be constantly creative and look for the interesting within the everyday. I've been actively trying to get more involved within the blogging community, taking inspiration, liking and commenting on posts which has given me so many ideas to move forward with. April feels like it will be a good month.

 

MOTD: Smoky Eyes feat. Nude Lips

Hello again, sorry for the delay in posting this as this was actually a post that I meant to upload during my holiday in Poland but somehow it never really happened, oops. I actually have been wearing less make up recently, but when I really want to make an effort and look nice I do wear quite a bit. During the time spent in Poland with Piotr and his family, I wanted to look and feel nice so make up definitely made my skin look a lot nicer. I don't suffer with very spotty skin but it's not a flat colours, there's a lot of dry red patches which I like to colour correct whenever I want to look and feel flawless. None of the images below have been edited, so to show the power of the make up worn. To start I use the Maybelline Baby Skin Primer to prep the skin for the make up. Priced at £7.99, it's not only good value it makes my skin look poreless and smooth. After, I use the Rimmel Hide the Blemish Concealer in the shade ivory, which priced at £2.99 is very cheap but it's concealing power is fairly basic. I use this concealer as a base on top of the primer around my eyes and nose to set on top of the primer and preps for the bb cream I put on next.

My preferred base is the Bourjois 123 Perfect CC cream in the shade ivory which I love. It feels super light coverage wise, and does an excellent job of covering my uneven skin tone. I literally pour some into my palms and rub it on top of my skin with clean hands. The next step I take is using the Maybelline Age Rewind Eye Concealer in shade light (which is £7.99) I press the concealer into each of my under eye bags in a triangle shape and press into my nose and brow bone, as well as any spots. I use the Real Techniques concealer brush to blend it into my skin before using a RT expert face brush to set my full base with the Maybelline Matte Maker Mattifying Power in shade ivory all over my skin. It's my favourite powder and reasonably priced at £3.99 too. The next step I take is to contour my face using the Kate Moss for Rimmel Sculpting Palette in shade #002. (Priced at £6.99) I start by using the bronzing powder using a RT setting brush to place some colour under my cheekbones, along my jawline and across my forehead. I use a small brush as where I'm so pale I try not to over contour my face. Next, I use the blush from the same palette and another RT setting brush to gently brush it along the apples of my cheeks. Then, I blend in using an RT powder brush so that it looks more natural on the skin. The next step I take is to use the Sleek MakeUp Brow Kit in the shade light, using the powder to fill in my brows (with one of the brushes provided in the kit, which is £8.49) which are naturally quite thick and dark. 

 

 

 

 

I then use the L'Oreal Paris Colour Riche La Palette Rose 2 to blend a natural pink matte shade into my crease before a shimmery pink toned eyeshadow over my lids as my skin is pink toned, so the pink complement the look well. The palette is £14.99 for 10 different shades, so extremely good value for money as they're super pigmented. Next, I use an MUA highlighter in the shade iridescent gold swept on my brow bone and on the tops of my cheeks, my Cupid's bow and along the bridge of my nose, using a RT setting brush. For £3, it's highlight is super blinding and packs in a lot of glitter onto my face. I do blend it in using a RT powder brush to make the glow look far more natural. I then go back in with the Sleek Brow Kit to fix my brows with the wax using a brush provided in the kit. This means the brows won't move and will look flawless throughout the day. I then use the NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream in the shade London (priced at £5.50) and put it onto my lips. It's such a gorgeous nude shade and makes the whole base of my face look much more natural and I adore this lip product so much, it glides on my lips.

Finally, I wanted to create a smoky eye but as I'm so pale, it made more sense to create a smoky eye using eyeliner. My preferred eyeliner is the L'Oreal Paris Super Slim Eyeliner in intense black and it's so easy to use, it's pen style nib flows along the lid and creates a lovely line. (It's the best I've used and only £6.99) It's blackness makes up for the light eyeshadow that creates a nice contrast to the nude lips. I used a black eyeliner pencil by MUA to fill in my waterline and pushed it a little underneath to add an extra smokiness for the bargain price of £1! Finally, I used the Maybelline Rocket Volum' Express mascara in very black which was £7.99 and it is an amazing mascara, it lengthens, separates and volumises my lashes so much and it really finished the whole look off nicely. This was my go to make up look throughout the holiday and I felt so feminine but fierce.

 

Happy Things #14

 

1. Today I fly back to London, which feels kind of bittersweet. I've missed London, but I know that when I'm in London I'll really miss Rzeszów. I'll miss not having to work and relaxing in general whilst spending time with my favourite person.

2. I'm working a lot this week, but after having ten days off I'm definitely up to the challenge and will secretly be counting down the days until my next day off, which won't be until next week, sadly. That said, I've made plans to meet up with my best friend soon so I have things to look forward to and help me get through this long week!

3. Last month was a really good month for me blogwise and I'm going to continue working hard at blogging and improving all areas of my blog. I want to improve my content and really push myself to get more active within the blogging community in terms of not only reading and liking other blogs, but also making comments and following more people on various social media networks.

4. After eating far, far too much whilst on holiday the time to change my bad habits is definitely now. If I'm completely honest with myself, I really need to start losing weight getting healthier for myself. As I'm not happy with myself at the moment... It was hard to hear, but Piotr is right and if I'm unhappy then only I can start to change myself. 

5. I want to focus on the good things and not fret over the not so good things. I'm slowly learning that time doesn't stand still and that life isn't limitless, like it feels when you're younger. As you get older, you realise that time is slipping away very quickly. This holiday has given me a lot of perspective on that; there's so many things that I want to do and see, although I'm still young time definitely isn't on anyone's side so I want to focus on happiness.

 

Beauty Favourites #2

Throughout March, there has been so many beauty related products that I've loved; to the point where I felt like I has so many things that I'll need replace sometime soon, oops. My absolute favourite right now has been the Batiste Dry Shampoo in Blush, which I snapped up a huge fan in Superdrug for about £3, less than half the RRP. I've fallen in love with the fresh floral scent it gives to my hair. I have a habit of showering in the evenings so overnight my hair looses its freshness a little, but bit a quick spritz of Blush my hair definitely feels fresh and clean again but I head off to work for the day. A massive hate of mine is having greasy hair but I love sleep so using dry shampoo is a great way to have the best of both worlds for me. I've also been loving the Garnier Skinactive Micellar Cleansing Water for sensitive skin. I bought mine for the bargain price of £1 in Poundland and honestly my skin feels so much better since I started using it. It is a bit of a faff to use all the time but my skin definitely has had less blemishes since I started using it, which is fantastic.

 

There was always going to be a perfume on this list because if you know me or read my blog then you'll know how much I'm in love with perfumes. Lately I've been loving Marc Jacobs Daisy Dream Blush because not only does it smell amazing it's also so lovely to look at, although it's fairly expensive priced at £54. The pink shades of the bottle and fragrance is lovely and feels so feminine and soft. I've also been loving the Fortune Favours The Brave eyeshadow palette by Makeup Revolution, which also looks lovely in person and for blog shots. For £9, it's much cheaper than Daisy Dream Blush but it also feels like good quality or that price. What I love about the shadows is that they're not strictly one colour, they have shades running through the overall shade so it makes blending on the eyes so much easier. There's also such a range of different shades within the palette that it I feel like there is so much potential for different looks with this palette. Plus, it looks lovely in photographs which is always a must for any blogger!

 

I've been obsessed with two Sleek highlighters for a couple of months now, but I feel like it's only during this month that I've managed to master the art of putting highlighter on my face successfully... I'm such a blogging fail, haha. Sleek Solstice needs literally needs no introduction as it seems like every blogger on the planet is in love with it, but I do prefer the Sleek Midas Touch palette, which (much to my disappointment) is actually a limited edition so will be super difficult to track down soon, sadly. For the insane price of £10 each, you do get three powder shades and one cream shade in each palette, so there is a shade to suit everyone. I'm not massively keen on the blue or purple shades, but considering I use the other shades regularly I've definitely gained more than my money's worth and they're great glows shades without looking too shiny, which I love. I definitely prefer more of a natural highlight for everyday make up looks. Earlier in the month I popped into Superdrug, (surprise, surprise) and bought three highlighters; Ever Glow Lights by Makeup Revolution, Iridescent Gold and Pink Shimmer by MUA. All three of these highlighters are an absolute steal at £3 and are so pigmented it's amazing! I feel like I simply dust the products against my skin and I'm shining bright!

 

Lastly, these four products are my all time favourites and I'm forever using them to the point that I really, really need to get some spares for when I run them to the ground (which is likely to be very soon!). In terms of mascara, I've been loving the Bourjois Volume One Seconde for the past year or so and I do get some lovely compliments on my lashes whenever I wear it, which is such a fantastic confidence boost. It's fairly pricey at £9.99, but I would say it's worth every penny as it lengthens and separates lashes so well I've been asked if I'm wearing falsies! It's also super black, which I adore in any mascara. Similarly, this month I've rediscovered a love for Maybelline The Colossal Volum Express which I had worn for literally years until I was converted to Bourjois; it's cheaper, at £7.99 but just as good. I think it's more of an everyday mascara as it doesn't feel so heavy on my eyes but at the same time I love it just as much. It's so black (I use the 100% black version) and the fiber brush works so, so well for me as it doesn't scratch at the lashes at all. Both of these mascaras are stunning and I don't need to use eyelash curlers beforehand with either of them, which is great as low maintenance is always great, especially if you're like me and forever running late!

I have always and will always be obsessed with red lipstick. I feel like having pale skin and blonde hair works so well with red lips, I feel so much more glamourous with just a swipe of red lipstick. At the moment I'm torn between two gorgeous lipsticks; the iconic Ruby Woo by MAC, which at £16.50 is not a purchase that I made lightly, but honestly it's just stunning. I love a matte finish lipstick as you always jazz it up with lip gloss if necessary, although I prefer to stay matte. There's something timeless about the ruby shade of red and it just feels so classic and out there; something about Ruby Woo makes me feel so confident in myself. Likewise, a cheaper alternative is the L'Oreal Paris Color Riche Pure Red Collection in the shade Blake Lively. Priced at £6.99, it looks and feels like a much more high end product. Having a similar skin tone to Blake, I was daring and ordered this online and I was not disappointed in the slightest. It's a lovely ruby shade and completely matte, yet it doesn't feel drying on the lips, which is unusual for a red lipstick as they're usually quite dry on the lips. Both of these lipsticks are really long lasting and don't need touch ups often, even after food which is why I love them so much. Is there any beauty products you've been loving this month? Let me know in the comments! :)

 

Reading Lust List

 

Having recently rediscovered a childhood love of reading, I feel like the list of books that I want to read is literally growing to the point where I feel like I'm going insane. I work, I blog, I have other things to do yet all I seem to do is find another book that I'm desperate to read. I will never say that reading is a bad thing, as I learnt so much from reading. I watched a video the other day that directly confronted whether young girls actively gain confidence from reading and I would say that reading definitely gave me confidence growing up. Even at aged 6, I was way above the average in terms of my reading skills but this video stated that not enough books were about girls. More importantly, girls who weren't princesses or the like. They were focussing on females as the protagonists of a story. Females who wrote their own tales and trod through their own paths. In all honesty, my favourite books as a child were; The Harry Potter series, A Series of Unfortunate Events and Ballet Shoes. All of these books contained very strong female characters although I never really thought about this at the time. I came from a female dominated household and family to the extent that I was always told that I could be whatever and whoever I wanted to be, regardless of gender, age, etc. I don't think young girls reading about princesses is a negative things; I think the more important lesson here is that we, as a society encourage ANY child to read about whatever they're passionate about. As adults, we forget that we are constantly reading.

Whether that is reading signs, blogs, text messages, etc. We literally read constantly. I don't think it matters what people of any age (but particularly young children) read is what is important; the important thing is the keep teaching them a skill that will ultimately stay with them for life. At the moment my reading list is super full, yes. But I'm actually enjoying reading and getting my mind lost within a story. I have to be honest and say that my favourite books do tend to be those with a strong female lead, or in fact those with a strong lead, male or female. It should abou the content within a book, not about what gender a character is. As a reader, it's possible to learn from either gender in a positive way and a lack of female roles won't stop me reading, or from encouraging someone of any age to read. At one point I would only read Fantasy based fiction, due to my infinite love of the Harry Potter series. All that happened is that I ran out of stories to enjoy because I wasn't being open to anything and so it's important to simply encourage any kind of reading, not only one kind. Rant over!

Reasons To Stay Alive - Matt Haig

The Essex Serpent - Sarah Perry

The Miniaturist - Jessie Burton

The Muse - Jessie Burton

A Year of Marvellous Ways - Sarah Winman

 

Łańcut Castle, Poland

I feel like I've often mentioned that my boyfriend is from (and grew up in) Poland and that we visit sometimes. The first time that I travelled to Poland with Piotr we literally visited for a weekend and I felt like I saw so many things; this time we're visiting for ten days and I definitely feel like I didn't see much at all last time. He's not from the city of Łańcut but it's a close drive away. He knows me well enough to know that I love architecture and parks, having grown in Greenwich, London - which has arguably some of the most beautiful architecture and surrounding park views at least in London. I don't know the Polish language so it was hard to understand the information boards, but Łańcut Castle was very lovely to visit. Piotr drove us there and he loves driving so that was nice, it's relaxing watching him enjoy cruising along. Łańcut is actually close to the borders of Poland with Ukraine. The castle is rather huge and the architectural style is very different to British architecture so I loved it. I enjoy different cultures and seeing different places. I feel like it would be even more beautiful in summer, especially in the surrounding park a it has various statues and plants that can be seen from all areas of the vast land.

 

 

After the visit I had a google search to try and understand more of the history of Łańcut Castle, rather than simply enjoying its physical beauty. It's an originally sixteenth century set of buildings with surrounding park. During the late eighteenth and early nineteenth century the Duke and Duchess Lubomirski transformed the buildings based on a love of baroque architecture, which then transformed the castle into a palace. According to the internet, Łańcut Castle is one of the most famous aristocratic buildings in Poland which has become a museum full of art and stunning interior design. It has a long history and one that reflects the Polish culture of Pre World War Two; if any of you ever visit Poland, its definitely worth a visit. I definitely wild visit again in the summer months when the Parks are in full bloom. I also visited only the Parks, not the inside of the castle so I want to see inside too.

 

A Mini Haul #7

Hello again; sometimes it's nice to just window shop, which I have to admit I do fairly regularly. As I get older I'm definitely starting to make much more considered purchases. I used to literally buy whatever I saw if I had the money, whereas now I prefer to actually have a think and decide whether or not something is worth it first. I'm a bit of a sucker when it comes to beauty products, I love them all whether that is make up, perfume or general skincare. I feel like I haven't indulged in any make up recently, or at least not during this month so obviously that was enough of an excuse to pop into Superdrug and have a look at what's available. Over the past couple of months I've been loving wearing mascara and different perfumes more than anything else, as you'll have seen fairly recently in my perfume collection post. In all honesty, my worst habit is probably having so many perfumes as I'm always dreaming of more and running out of space to display them. 

 

The Britney Spears perfumes are a definite love of mine, I love how the bottles are designed and the different scents are always too my taste for such reasonable prices, too. The one pictured, Rocker Femme Fantasy is a new find for me and I love the way it fits in so well with my other scents. It's actually not my favourite out of my collection but its also not my least favourite; it's definitely at a happy medium. For the price I paid of £8, from Poundland of all places I'm not complaining about it at all. I'd been tempted by the fragrance for some time, having seen it online but it was much cheaper in store, which was a pleasant surprise. Another amazing find from Poundland was a Sleek eyes-lips-face palette, for the price of £1. I didn't even check the colours (oops) I literally just snapped it up, which I don't regret but the shades are a little too dark for my super pale skin. For the price I have no regrets, but I'm deciding what to do with it as I know that I'll never use it as it doesn't suit me. However, for anyone with darker toned skin this palette would be such a fantastic addition to a make up bag!

 

Ever since I started watching sophdoesnails on YouTube I've definitely become a convert to the powers of contour and especially highlighter as before I was always afraid to use these kinds of products with my pale skin. Just a couple of weeks ago she posted a video on her channel that featured some of the highlighters from this range and so I was inspired to invest in some. They're by MUA and are honestly really good value for money at £3 each. I chose two iridescent shimmers in the shades Pink Shimmer and Pearlescent Sheen. I love how shimmery but subtle they are, for the price you can't really go wrong. They're pigmented and feel light on my skin, which is also good. The wave pattern they make in the pan is lovely too, very instagramable but the iridescent sheen doesn't translate well on camera, unfortunately. I was inspired to try out the pinky toned highlighter as I do have a similar skin tone to Sophie and I feel like it could work well as a blusher and highlighter in one, alongside sculpting the planes of my face. We'll see soon enough, which is exciting. So far it's looked lovely in tests and swatches. 

 

So, after going into Superdrug I decided to treat myself a little but mostly through buying the essentials; I really needed a new mascara. As always, I found so many different things that I wanted but I wasn't able to buy it all, so I did have a bit of a decision making crisis. I ended up buying two mascaras as they were on an offer of buy one, get a second for half price. Which is a bargain in itself, but also one of the mascaras was a on a sale price too, which helped with my decision making a lot! I bought two by Maybelline, one of my all time favourite make up brands. The Colossal Volum' Express (in 100% black) has always been a much loved mascara of mine, to the point that I can't remember why I ever stopped using it. It makes my eyelashes look super long, thick and luscious; the fiber brush works so well for me and I never have to curl my eyelashes or anything, one coat of this mascara and I'm good to go for any occasion. I would recommend this mascara to anyone, I love it.

 

The second mascara I bought I've never really noticed or used before but seemed to be a sister of the first mascara so I decided to try it out and take advantage of the offers available. The Rocket Volum' Express has a similar packaging shape but has an electric blue shade, which will be easy to find in a make up bag for top ups. Although it's a similar mascara, the brush is very different, made out of plastic and it seems really bulky in comparison. But I do actually love this one just as much as the first; it's a really clumpless, separating mascara that doesn't feel too heavy on the lashes. I've found that one coat is enough, without having to curl my lashes beforehand, which is great. I'd say that I prefer the Colossal Volum' Express simply because the wand is smaller so easier to manoeuvre but overall the effects of both are very similar and I've had a lot of complements about my lashes recently so that's always a nice confidence boost. The mascaras were £6.99 each but with the offer one of them was half of that price, so I'm very happy with both of them, especially for the price. I've used more expensive mascaras results not so good in the past.

 

What's in my (everyday) make-up bag?

Hello again; I've read so many blog posts and watched so many YouTube videos about what's in a persons make up bag that I finally decided to talk about mine... Except I thought that I'd detail what I carry around in a make up bag to work or just generally everyday. I have quite a lot of different make up products but for work and general use I do prefer to have a more minimal make up style for everyday wear. The make up bag that I use for carrying the basics in my bag is from Victoria's Secret and I actually got it in a sale (for a great price) as part of a set of three different sized bags and actually I use all three of them for different reasons and regularly. The striped one below I use the most as it's the largest so it holds the most, but at the same time it isn't so big that it won't fit into a lot of different bags. 

 

I have very pale, almost paler than ivory skin so all of these products are the kind that suit that; the reason that these items have been picked out for my everyday make up bag is because they're not only pale enough, but also feel light enough on my skin that I don't feel like I'm wearing too much make up. I'm become more confident in not wearing so much make up recently, which I think is a good thing as my skin is getting clearer. The Bourjois CC cream shown below is honestly my favourite everyday face product ever as it's not too heavy on the skin, it's more of a colour corrector which is what I need; I don't have problem skin but it's very discoloured in places and it doesn't stick to my dry patches. I've detailed the prices next to all of the items shown in the images below and put them into sections, for example base, eyes and lips as I feel that makes a lot more sense visually.

 

Bourjois 123 Perfect CC Cream in the shade ivory £9.99

Maybelline Baby Lips Lip Balm £2.99

Maybelline Concealer Cover Stick in the shade ivory 01 £3.99

Maybelline Master Shape Brow Pencil in the shade Dark Blond £2.99

 

NYX Merci Beaucoup Love In Paris Eyeshadow Palette £7.99

Maybelline Matte Maker Mattifying Powder 10 Classic Ivory £3.99

Bourjois Little Round Pot Blusher Rose D'Or 34 £7.99

Sleek Makeup Brow Kit Light £8.49

 

NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream in the shades London and São Paulo £7.99 each

Bourjois Rouge Edition 12 Hour Lipstick in the shade 35 Entry VIP £7.99

 

MUA Eyeliner Pencil in Black £1

Maybelline The Colossal Volum' Express mascara 100% black £6.99

Bourjois Volume 1 Seconde mascara £9.99

L'Oreal Paris Super Liner Perfect Slim Intense Black £6.99

 

Happy Things #12

 

1. This week I'm only working three days, so I'm planning to spend some time with my family, dye my hair, watch television and most likely read a few books and magazines before the weekend.

2. This weekend, Piotr and I are going to get on a plane (argh help me!) to Poland and spend some together as well as with his family, which will be nice. I like seeing where he grew up and understanding more about him as well as having some time to relax and not have to overthink. It's strange how being in a country where most people don't speak your language is actually rather comforting, I feel like I don't have to force conversation or worry about anything.

3. This week I'm going to be good and try and pack what I want to take to Poland fairly early on in the week so that I don't stress nearer to the time as the flight is at an awkward time of the day.

4. Going to try and organise my life a bit thug double checking that my gym membership is confirmed and getting a boarding pass sorted... Oh the fun times of being an adult! 

5. I'm trying to keep onto a positive plane this week and try to be less moody. I'm having some real issues with my mood swings right now so my focus is going to be on that area of my mental health. Feeling so up and down isn't great and it's not helping me in my everyday life so it's something that I definitely want to improve on.

 

My Perfume Collection #9

Hello again, it feels like a while since I'd updated you all on my perfume collection. In all honesty, it's a bit of a naughty addiction as I doubt anyone in this world needs as many perfumes as I actually have, but still... I can never resist a good perfume. I love the smell and how much more confident I feel when I'm wearing perfume. It's most likely all in my mind but I just feel like I look better whenever I have a perfume I love on. Different perfumes remind me of different good times, for example I wore a Marc Jacobs Daisy perfume to my graduation ceremony from university so it will forever remind me of finally feeling free from education. The past couple of months I've been fairly good and not spent too much money on things like perfume so this one was a bit of a spur of the moment purchase. 

 

I'd been lusting after the Britney Spears Rocker Femme Fantasy for quite a while after seeing it listed on fragrantica. It was released a few years ago in 2014 and I actually found it in a shop I'd never have thought about; my local Poundland had a bunch of perfumes available to buy for £8 and for that price 30ml seemed like an absolute steal as I'd seen it listed for more than that on various online retailers, so I was super excited to finally get my grubby paws on this perfume. It's a much smaller bottle than my other Britney Spears perfumes but as I didn't pay much that seems fair. It's quite a flirty, fruity scent with notes of blackberry liqueur and coconut cream, alongside violet, gardenia, jasmine, amber, musk, cashmere and vanilla. For me personally the strongest notes of the scent are the blackberry, jasmine and vanilla notes. I have to say that it's not my favourite of the Britney scents, but I doubt that Island Fantasy will ever be topped for me a that smell of lime is absolutely lush!

 

The bottle is very similar to many of the other scents from the Britney fragrance line, with a circular, curvy bottle, transparent circular lid and a swirly pattern around the neck of the bottle. It's definitely an edgier perfume from the look of the bottle but to me ithe scent is very similar to the original Fantasy. The mix of hot pink and black fits well with the idea of feminine rock chick; this is a perfume that my teenage self would've been obsessed with, but I can't say that I'm a massive fan of the scent as it's very similar to the original to me, but I do really like how the bottle looks and it was incredibly good value for money. It looks nice visually with the Britney Spears Hidden Fantasy perfume as it's a gorgeous cherry red shade which complements th pink tones of Rocker Femme Fantasy. I feel like the pink and red tones of the two Britney perfumes work really well alongside Daisy Eau So Fresh Blush and Daisy Dream Blush by Marc Jacobs as they're all very girly, fruity, floral and flirty scents that look lovely together on display in my bedroom.

 

Although it's not my favourite from my collection of Britney Spears perfumes as I've said earlier I do love how the pretty the bottle is and I've found that it complements so many other perfumes from my collection, such as Rosa Excelsa by Dolce and Gabbana, Hippie Princess and Preppy Princess both by Vera Wang as well as Dolly Girl by Anna Sui. The different shades of pink complement each other really well and give a lovely girly feel to one corner of my room. I think that I'll prefer wearing Rocker Femme Fantasy during the spring and summer months when there's much less wind! I hate putting on a scent when it just gets blown away... That being said, for £8 it has been well and truly worth every penny. Britney perfumes are a great part of my collection as they're wearable, affordable and lovely to look at.