A Mini Haul #7

Hello again; sometimes it's nice to just window shop, which I have to admit I do fairly regularly. As I get older I'm definitely starting to make much more considered purchases. I used to literally buy whatever I saw if I had the money, whereas now I prefer to actually have a think and decide whether or not something is worth it first. I'm a bit of a sucker when it comes to beauty products, I love them all whether that is make up, perfume or general skincare. I feel like I haven't indulged in any make up recently, or at least not during this month so obviously that was enough of an excuse to pop into Superdrug and have a look at what's available. Over the past couple of months I've been loving wearing mascara and different perfumes more than anything else, as you'll have seen fairly recently in my perfume collection post. In all honesty, my worst habit is probably having so many perfumes as I'm always dreaming of more and running out of space to display them. 

 

The Britney Spears perfumes are a definite love of mine, I love how the bottles are designed and the different scents are always too my taste for such reasonable prices, too. The one pictured, Rocker Femme Fantasy is a new find for me and I love the way it fits in so well with my other scents. It's actually not my favourite out of my collection but its also not my least favourite; it's definitely at a happy medium. For the price I paid of £8, from Poundland of all places I'm not complaining about it at all. I'd been tempted by the fragrance for some time, having seen it online but it was much cheaper in store, which was a pleasant surprise. Another amazing find from Poundland was a Sleek eyes-lips-face palette, for the price of £1. I didn't even check the colours (oops) I literally just snapped it up, which I don't regret but the shades are a little too dark for my super pale skin. For the price I have no regrets, but I'm deciding what to do with it as I know that I'll never use it as it doesn't suit me. However, for anyone with darker toned skin this palette would be such a fantastic addition to a make up bag!

 

Ever since I started watching sophdoesnails on YouTube I've definitely become a convert to the powers of contour and especially highlighter as before I was always afraid to use these kinds of products with my pale skin. Just a couple of weeks ago she posted a video on her channel that featured some of the highlighters from this range and so I was inspired to invest in some. They're by MUA and are honestly really good value for money at £3 each. I chose two iridescent shimmers in the shades Pink Shimmer and Pearlescent Sheen. I love how shimmery but subtle they are, for the price you can't really go wrong. They're pigmented and feel light on my skin, which is also good. The wave pattern they make in the pan is lovely too, very instagramable but the iridescent sheen doesn't translate well on camera, unfortunately. I was inspired to try out the pinky toned highlighter as I do have a similar skin tone to Sophie and I feel like it could work well as a blusher and highlighter in one, alongside sculpting the planes of my face. We'll see soon enough, which is exciting. So far it's looked lovely in tests and swatches. 

 

So, after going into Superdrug I decided to treat myself a little but mostly through buying the essentials; I really needed a new mascara. As always, I found so many different things that I wanted but I wasn't able to buy it all, so I did have a bit of a decision making crisis. I ended up buying two mascaras as they were on an offer of buy one, get a second for half price. Which is a bargain in itself, but also one of the mascaras was a on a sale price too, which helped with my decision making a lot! I bought two by Maybelline, one of my all time favourite make up brands. The Colossal Volum' Express (in 100% black) has always been a much loved mascara of mine, to the point that I can't remember why I ever stopped using it. It makes my eyelashes look super long, thick and luscious; the fiber brush works so well for me and I never have to curl my eyelashes or anything, one coat of this mascara and I'm good to go for any occasion. I would recommend this mascara to anyone, I love it.

 

The second mascara I bought I've never really noticed or used before but seemed to be a sister of the first mascara so I decided to try it out and take advantage of the offers available. The Rocket Volum' Express has a similar packaging shape but has an electric blue shade, which will be easy to find in a make up bag for top ups. Although it's a similar mascara, the brush is very different, made out of plastic and it seems really bulky in comparison. But I do actually love this one just as much as the first; it's a really clumpless, separating mascara that doesn't feel too heavy on the lashes. I've found that one coat is enough, without having to curl my lashes beforehand, which is great. I'd say that I prefer the Colossal Volum' Express simply because the wand is smaller so easier to manoeuvre but overall the effects of both are very similar and I've had a lot of complements about my lashes recently so that's always a nice confidence boost. The mascaras were £6.99 each but with the offer one of them was half of that price, so I'm very happy with both of them, especially for the price. I've used more expensive mascaras results not so good in the past.

 

Happy Things #12

 

1. This week I'm only working three days, so I'm planning to spend some time with my family, dye my hair, watch television and most likely read a few books and magazines before the weekend.

2. This weekend, Piotr and I are going to get on a plane (argh help me!) to Poland and spend some together as well as with his family, which will be nice. I like seeing where he grew up and understanding more about him as well as having some time to relax and not have to overthink. It's strange how being in a country where most people don't speak your language is actually rather comforting, I feel like I don't have to force conversation or worry about anything.

3. This week I'm going to be good and try and pack what I want to take to Poland fairly early on in the week so that I don't stress nearer to the time as the flight is at an awkward time of the day.

4. Going to try and organise my life a bit thug double checking that my gym membership is confirmed and getting a boarding pass sorted... Oh the fun times of being an adult! 

5. I'm trying to keep onto a positive plane this week and try to be less moody. I'm having some real issues with my mood swings right now so my focus is going to be on that area of my mental health. Feeling so up and down isn't great and it's not helping me in my everyday life so it's something that I definitely want to improve on.

 

My Perfume Collection #9

Hello again, it feels like a while since I'd updated you all on my perfume collection. In all honesty, it's a bit of a naughty addiction as I doubt anyone in this world needs as many perfumes as I actually have, but still... I can never resist a good perfume. I love the smell and how much more confident I feel when I'm wearing perfume. It's most likely all in my mind but I just feel like I look better whenever I have a perfume I love on. Different perfumes remind me of different good times, for example I wore a Marc Jacobs Daisy perfume to my graduation ceremony from university so it will forever remind me of finally feeling free from education. The past couple of months I've been fairly good and not spent too much money on things like perfume so this one was a bit of a spur of the moment purchase. 

 

I'd been lusting after the Britney Spears Rocker Femme Fantasy for quite a while after seeing it listed on fragrantica. It was released a few years ago in 2014 and I actually found it in a shop I'd never have thought about; my local Poundland had a bunch of perfumes available to buy for £8 and for that price 30ml seemed like an absolute steal as I'd seen it listed for more than that on various online retailers, so I was super excited to finally get my grubby paws on this perfume. It's a much smaller bottle than my other Britney Spears perfumes but as I didn't pay much that seems fair. It's quite a flirty, fruity scent with notes of blackberry liqueur and coconut cream, alongside violet, gardenia, jasmine, amber, musk, cashmere and vanilla. For me personally the strongest notes of the scent are the blackberry, jasmine and vanilla notes. I have to say that it's not my favourite of the Britney scents, but I doubt that Island Fantasy will ever be topped for me a that smell of lime is absolutely lush!

 

The bottle is very similar to many of the other scents from the Britney fragrance line, with a circular, curvy bottle, transparent circular lid and a swirly pattern around the neck of the bottle. It's definitely an edgier perfume from the look of the bottle but to me ithe scent is very similar to the original Fantasy. The mix of hot pink and black fits well with the idea of feminine rock chick; this is a perfume that my teenage self would've been obsessed with, but I can't say that I'm a massive fan of the scent as it's very similar to the original to me, but I do really like how the bottle looks and it was incredibly good value for money. It looks nice visually with the Britney Spears Hidden Fantasy perfume as it's a gorgeous cherry red shade which complements th pink tones of Rocker Femme Fantasy. I feel like the pink and red tones of the two Britney perfumes work really well alongside Daisy Eau So Fresh Blush and Daisy Dream Blush by Marc Jacobs as they're all very girly, fruity, floral and flirty scents that look lovely together on display in my bedroom.

 

Although it's not my favourite from my collection of Britney Spears perfumes as I've said earlier I do love how the pretty the bottle is and I've found that it complements so many other perfumes from my collection, such as Rosa Excelsa by Dolce and Gabbana, Hippie Princess and Preppy Princess both by Vera Wang as well as Dolly Girl by Anna Sui. The different shades of pink complement each other really well and give a lovely girly feel to one corner of my room. I think that I'll prefer wearing Rocker Femme Fantasy during the spring and summer months when there's much less wind! I hate putting on a scent when it just gets blown away... That being said, for £8 it has been well and truly worth every penny. Britney perfumes are a great part of my collection as they're wearable, affordable and lovely to look at.

 

Favourite Instagrammers #9

Every month I feel like I use instagram more and more; it's pretty addictive once you've got more into it and over the last six months or so I've definitely been using it more regularly. It's almost like free advertising for so many different brands and individuals. Bloggers are using the app all the time and I've found it to be an excellent way to network and get more involved within the blogging community as there are so many bloggers around if you look. At the minute I'm loving very lifestyle based instagram feeds, whether that's food, hobbies or travel. There's definitely a way of producing the perfect insta pic and for me personally it does seem that instagram is becoming like a business. There seems to be so much pressure to be successful and have the largest amount of followers possible, which is a bit of shame. But with that said, I love the creative side of the app being so visual.

 

prettyandpolishedblog

As her instagram name suggests, Sophie is using the app as a platform to showcase her blog to the world. The reason that I started following her feed is that I liked how she doesn't have an obvious theme. Her photographs are really nicely taken whilst feeling genuinely like you're getting to know the person, not just a brand. She may not have a ridiculous amount of followers but each post is definitely quality. She posts a lot of beauty and foodie items, so she's a must follow if you like doughnuts or chocolately covered desserts. I get food cravings for all kinds of bad things from her feed!

 

itssohelena

Another blogger that I began following fairly recently, I like to follow instagram feeds that feel realistic; as though the poster really enjoys what they're doing and are passionate about sharing a portion of their life with a viewer. Helena's posts incorporate what she's doing at the moment, what she's enjoyed within her life. Whether that's travelling to places such as Camden and Covent Garden or indulging in the beauties of spring beginning. I just feel like she's enjoying her life and that really translates well through the photographs she posts, especially without a rigid perfect, theme.

 

ellawashereblog 

I adore Ella's minimalistic style of photography, especially pared with her brief, but cleverly describtive captions. Alongside this, many of her posts have a lovely wellbeing view on life, for example 'it's ok not to be ok'. I love seeing that kind of post pop through my feed as it's a great little reminder that no one has the perfect life. Each of her photographs are what I would call perfect for instagram, but in a very creative way. All the focus is on expressing creativity and that's why I find her feed so beautiful.

 

rhiddles

I absolutely love her feed, most likely because it looks so lovely to see some gorgeously sunny views of Spanish architecture now that spring has arrived. Although that said, there is some amazing photographs of various parts of the world but in such an artistic and creative way. I'm in love with the way she uses light (or lack of it) to draw the eye into the lovely views falling into the skies behind her. Where she lives in Spain looks absolutely dreamy, as does her Welsh hometown!

 

elliesbitsofbeauty

Ellie has such a lovely feed; I love the array of flatlays and beauty items to look at in each photograph. I'm a massive beauty lover and her feed is a dream with its close ups of eyeshadow palettes, lipstick swatches and perfume bottles. I feel like her cute little scattering of sequins and flower petals is a really nice technique to ensure that all of the photos have something in common in some way; I love her taste in products to like nail varnish and make up brushes and so her feed is generally lovely to view.

 

Book Review: After You

 

After You is the long awaited sequel to the madly popular Me Before You and I was in love with the novel and the film adaption so I was naturally desperate to read this book. I've since read it and didn't feel disappointed at all, although many others disagree with me on that, judging by some of the reviews on amazon, good reads and many others. What you need to remember as a reader whilst reading this is that the death of Will affected not only those closest to him, but also those closest to them. Lou's grief became her families grief and they couldn't cope with what she had done so she was alone. Loneliness affects even the most outgoing of people, Lou and her family are no exception to that. Throughout this book I tried to not to judge the characters, as it felt as though they had changed in leaps and bounds since the prequel. However, I suppose that's the result of such a tragic event happening previously.

The book is old from Lou's perspective (other than a couple of chapters told from the perspective of other characters) and she's obviously the main focus of the story. The one thing to keep in mind when reading After You is to avoid comparing it to the original as although many of the characters are the same, the plot and outline are not and actually even the characters have changed due to such a turn of events in the prequel. The novel still includes Will, but ultimately it's about grief and how people learn to cope without loved ones. Lou and the other characters still had plenty of life left even after Will died so it was interesting to understand their stories from another point of view. No one has forgotten Will and in fact, Lou definitely falls into a pretty rough patch of depression. There are some surprises tucked away in sections of the novel and in all honesty I wouldn't say that I was shocked by one of them, but it was good read nonetheless. The sequel is readable on its own as it's so multifaceted; it was really interesting take on the journey to recovery and added many new, but equally as interesting characters into the fold of the original characters.

The Louisa Clark we, as readers discover at the start of this novel is completely different to the Lou we knew and loved in Me Before You which actually drew my heart into the novel much more then I expected it would; you could see how much she truly loved Will and how she couldn't forgive herself for not being enough to change his mind. However, with the introduction of a horrible new job, recovery friends and a surprise new housemate and friend, the old Lou does eventually restablish herself. That being said, even at her lowest ebb she never lost her caring nature and I think that's why so many people love her character; she has so many moments that move you and for me personally I enjoyed this sequel just as much as the prequel because I didn't try and compare the two. After You provided the answers to left questions in a realistic way, as life was never going be smooth sailing after Will passed for any of the characters involved, but with the introduction of some new characters it did result in more questions but it also had an incredibly tender undertone; healing was key to the heart of this novel and I was more than pleasantly surprised by it.

 

Happy Things #11

 

1. My boyfriend bought me the loveliest bouquet of tulips one day and they're still healthy enough to last the upcoming week, which is great. I love flowers, they definitely make me feel better.

2. At the end of this month I go on holiday for ten days and plan to simply relax and enjoy having some time just for myself and my boyfriend. The coming week of work is going to disappear in a flash.

3. Fingers crossed, my new bank card will arrive... I don't have any money but it's still annoying, I can hope it will come. After what feels like ages! I hate carrying cash everywhere, ahah.

4. I have the weekend off, I can't wait to chill out and have some me time. I'm planning to eat some crap food and watch films. I haven't done that in years and it feels like the perfect opportunity to just have a Harry Potter marathon.

5. I want to try and stick to my plan of joining the gym, this will be the week that I force myself to go! Even if it's just 30 minutes, I need to get into a pattern or I'll be forever unhappy with my weight.

 

Things I hate about Adulthood!

 

1. The older I become, the more distanced I feel from the person I was in my teens. If I'm honest, I'm 23 now so my teens were not that long ago, but I feel like I've changed so much even in the past year. People that I was close to when we were around 15. Or perhaps younger I feel we have nothing in common now. I don't have an issue with growing older or growing as a person, but I wish that I'd kept up some friendships I had from earlier days.

2. Somehow, everything is about money. You need money for everything and even if you're earning a decent wage, it's never enough. The goal of owning my own home is definitely years and years away and it only feels possible due to having a steady partner. There's so much negativity surrounding the whole 'generation rent' tag, when the true is you need a ridiculously high deposit which isn't possible for all of us. For example, you need to pay for yourself in every way; phone contract, travel costs, food... So many things you never realised cost so much until you worked for a living!

3. People who knew you as a child always look surprised that you're managing to survive as an adult; only the other day an elderly family friend was amazed that I have a proper, tax paying, student loan paying 'real' job and a degree under my belt. I was even more annoyed because you can have a fanstasic job even without a degree or other things; it's all about passion and experience in the job world right now. A lot of people always assume that I'm not very clever, when actually I just don't enjoy bragging about how good I could be at different things, I find it rude and bad taste to be honest.

4. The insane pressure of being a twenty something; the whole world seems to expect you to achieve either everything or nothing, which is super daunting. The true is, yeah I have goals - I'm sure the majority of people my age have some kind of goal, but no idea how to get on track with making the said goal a reality. It's ok not to have a clue, but for some reason it feels like the world has an expectation that you have to be mature, confident and constantly successful to be an achiever. I class getting to work on time an achievement for me, oops.

5. The expectation that your younger self had about being an adult; you would grow up and have the perfect job, career, and life. You thought you would sleep 8 hours a night, own your own house, eat the most amazing food, buy the best clothes, go to the gym and have the most amazing bod, an incredible social life... The list goes on and in reality you cannot have it all, it is impossible. Which is depressing as even as an adult, you wish for that dream to come true.

6. Looking younger than your age; I often pass for a 19 year old. Everyone treats me like a child whilst expecting me to function as an adult. That is the most frustrating thing... The most irritating part is that age is just a number. You can be a 40 year old child and an 18 year old adult. It's all about your mental state and attitude to the outcome of life, not the year you were born!

7. The word 'adulting'; maybe I'm just being incredibly passé about it, considering it has become a kind of movement within lost late teens or early twenty-somethings who are obsessed with being #relatable or #millenial but for me, I know that's it's not a word. At the end of the day, it's adulthood and it's something we all have to do. It's not a new phenomena, it's a part of life, one that no one likes. Adulting isn't a new thing, it's just a new word - a rather useless one at that.

8. Paying a massive amount of tax... It feels as though everything has some kind of tax placed on it and as you get older you learn that nothin in life is free and that is such a depressing moment. Student loan, income tax, council tax, national insurance; it feels literally never ending and all you do is dream about what you could be doing with that money instead, oops.

9. Once you've left education, being ill isn't so fun anymore; you have to learn to force yourself to get into work unless you're actually dying because everyone in the world will hate you for being a massive pain.

10. Having to be polite, even when you hate someone with a passion. You can't be a bitch as you grow older, because it will eventually come back to haunt you. Sometimes you want to feel young and free again by writing swearing stuff all over social media, but ultimately that won't end well. Friends, family and workmates won't think highly of you and you just end up embarrassed but it's just so hard to learn to be nice!

 

Ted Baker Gift Set

Hello again; I've been on the hunt for a make up bag that small enough to fit into my work bag but big enough to fit in all of the essentials. A the minute I'm loving the Ted Baker selection as they're also available as a gift set which is fantastic as the price point of £14 for the set is affordable as well as being good quality. The pattern of my make up bag is rather unusual; it's several shades of pink, lilac and aqua (which is very pretty) with a printed design of crystals all over alongside rose gold zip and edged detailing. There is an embossed Ted Baker label in rose gold and the zip has a pink crystal to match the pattern. It's not a pattern that I would've thought I'd like but in person it's much nicer than it sounds. The bag itself is really structured and doesn't crush into weird shapes, it stays taut which is a feature that I really love. I was pleasantly surprised at how much I liked it as I've never thought of Ted Baker being a brand that I love, however I'm not thinking to try out other products from the brand.

 

 

Inside the make up bag there is three items that are perfect for everyday essential use. A lip balm, hand cream and a body mist, all of which are in the loveliest pale shade of pink that matches the lining of the make up bag. When I go to work or out somewhere I don't like to carry around masses of products in a make up bag, as I prefer to keep my make up simple. These three items are an excellent way to care for yourself itself on the go and the hand cream is absolutely lovely, it's so moisturising and fresh smelling. I've mixed the three items with some make up products that I love to use for minimal make up like mascara, lip stick, brow gel and bb cream. I never was a fan of Ted Baker as a brand but since buying this gift set I'll definitely be indulging in more items from the brand as it's all great quality.

 

Book Review: When God Was A Rabbit

 

One of the reasons that I bothered to pick up this book was it's beautifully designed cover artwork. It just really appealed to me visually and the title successfully captured my attention; it definitely arose a curiousity inside of me. I'm not even sure what I expected from this book prior to reading it, but there was simply a special kind of pull to read it. It was Winman's debut novel and was written incredibly beautifully. It's pages tread on a various of subjects in including relationships, childhood, adulthood and families. As its written in an almost autobiographical sense, as a reader you gain a steady relationship with the main character. However, that said this novel is mostly based around a brother and sister, alongside the sisters best friend. Family and friendship are definitely key themes throughout the book from the start of it where you witness Elly's childhood even through watching her grow into an adult. The story is overall a massive wrench on the heartstrings.

The novel shows how children are both innocent and quite headstrong; Elly and Joe come from a loving, genuinely close family and yet still Elly is extremely cynical and has an incredibly adult world view for a child, understanding issues such as abortion, domestic and sexual abuse. They are from a fairly wealthy family, which is balanced by the introduction of Jenny Penny, Elly's friend who is from a completely different social background. I enjoyed how the narrative developed as the characters aged. I found that it referenced all of the important parts of the characters lives, good and bad rather than skimming through; the first of these events was Joe going to school and Elly being left to roam the fields unaccompanied and alone. It's hard to decipher if the child Elly has an overactive imagination, whether her version of events are reliable or not. However that also being said, with Elly as narrator it is as though she grown old long before her time, summarising an event with little emotion.

The elder Elly was almost resigned to bad things happening to good people. This novel touches on some incredibly tough topics, for example the events of 9/11 directly struck Elly and her family, which is a quite a controversial topic. However, it's handled really nicely and the character of Elly is insanely close to her brother; throughout the books there are subtle hints about his sexuality but this is done in a wholly positive way. In fact, the novel sheds a positive light on a range of difficult situations but doesn't underestimate the affect it has on those involved. There are a lot of subtle, hinted at undertones of emotions which resonated with me as I remembered a lot of the events of the 90s and 00s that were referenced. I'm not sure how well this novel would be perceived by someone younger, who may not understand the intensity of the situations mentioned in both the childhood and the adulthood memories, but overall it's a fantastically compelling read. 

 

What is Mindfulness?

 

Throughout the past couple of years I've been swept under a rock, so to speak, by my depression and mental health issues in general. Over the past year I've learnt to control my feelings a little better, I won't say that I'm perfect because I'm truly far from it but I've developed a set of habits which have successfully kept me a little more positive to the point where they've almost become a part of my life. Mindfulness is a concept that I found incredibly inspiring and also helpful. It basically means (to me at least) devising a number of ways to find peace with yourself, a way of controlling your mental state through finding positive ways to keep your mindset stable and well, combating feelings of stress, depression, anxiety and loneliness. Instead of dwelling on the past or dreading the future, you focus on what's happening in the present and improving the now.

FIND YOURSELF

For me, the hardest thing was starting over; starting a new job and leaving some friends was so difficult. That said, the challenge forced me to leave my comfort zone and pushed me to be the best kind of me. It's still hard some days and it's not easy to start again but sometimes the only way forward is to live and to learn, to move on by focussing on what you have rather than what you have not. As you grow older, you realise the person you were at sixteen, eighteen, even at twenty one is not the person you are now. In ten years time you'll have changed again and that's fine. I've learnt that you have to embrace the positive side of change and use it to your advantage; whether that's changing jobs, learning a new skill or finding a new activity to get involved in.

BE HAPPY

The key to mindfulness is that by making a routine, having some kind of focus you ultimately will find some kind of happiness. Yes, the happiness may not last for every single hour of every single day but you will definitely see an incr are in you ur self esteem. By understanding your self worth, life will suddenly seem possible again. Little things like taking a walk or reading will definitely free up your mind and remind you that it's possible to enjoy life. It's so important to let go and try not to overthink every little thing, as hard as that sounds it's such an important part of recovery. Embracing recovery is part of the journey to happiness. Maybe your happiness is travelling, experiencing new things. Perhaps you'll find happiness in seeking comfort in family and friends, but the important thing is to work out what makes you happy and focus on those things.

ENGAGE IN A HOBBY

One of the main things that has really improved the state of my mental health is finding hobbies; I've found a love in blogging, reading and scrapbooking. The whole point of mindfulness is to use spare time to fill up with enjoyment that keeps the mind busy and leaves no spare time for negative thoughts. My boyfriend recently told me about an article he read about instead of self harming, draw with felt tips in the places you intend to harm as to power your mind and body with the world of distraction which results in positive thinking instead of dwelling on negativie thoughts that don't help anyone. The negativity filters through when you have the time to overthink, finding hobbies will prevent overthinking as they take up your time. Plus, through scrapbooking you can see all of the good times visibly in photographs which helps to notice the good times.

 

March Playlist!

 

1. Leaving So Soon? - Keane

2. Helium - Sia

3. Touch - Little Mix

4. Falling For You - Ellie Goulding

5. Shape of You - Ed Sheeran 

6. Decode - Paramore

7. Work From Home - Fifth Harmony (feat. Ty Dolla $ign)

8. Heartbreak Down - P!nk

9. The Ballad of Mona Lisa - Panic! At The Disco

10. Helena - My Chemical Romance

 

Book Review: Fifty Shades of Grey

 

I have to admit, there was such a hype surrounding this book (and it's series and film adaptation) that I've been curious to see what the fuss was all about for quite a while. After having a browse on amazon, I took the plunge and bought it on kindle for a steal of a price. I was pleasantly surprised towards the beginning of the novel; the build up to meeting the main characters was interesting and there was a definite starting storyline. I enjoyed the banter between Ana and her flat mate, Kate and seeing their relationships with men develop. I initially found Ana to be quite a strong lead, until she become swallowed up entirely by the introduction of Christian, or 'Mr. Grey', which completely ruined her character for me. I found out through discussing the book with a work mate that it was originally written as fan fiction for the Twilight series. Once I knew that, I became more and more aware of little tidbits of similarities; for example, the lenghty and drawn out part where Christian and Ana discuss trust and she mentions that he 'dazzles' her. 

I felt like this book really undermined the female characters; the two main female characters come across as utterly lovesick to the point where they can't survive without men. Which was incredibly disappointing as both Ana and Kate were originally introduced as being level headed, strong willed young women who had clear ideas about life. However, by succumbing to their love interests they suddenly lost a lot of interest from me as a reader. The story being told from Ana's view was interesting, initially but became increasingly repetitive, particularly as the author was using the same phrases or descriptions throughout the book. On the whole, it felt like that the constant descriptions of how Ana feels whilst having or dreaming about sex were fairly unnecessary and a little bit pointless. I'm not a prude by any means, it's more that I simply didn't care. I didn't connect with what her character had become; the Ana at the finale of the book didn't match with the Ana the reader is introduced to at the start.

The main issue I had with this book was how Ana seemed to be constantly making excuses for Christian's unacceptable and frankly, abusive behaviour towards her. She was always excusing him and his ways through blaming his past, his family background and past lovers. Her insane jealously is geared  toward his (what she would call abuser, the reader would call) past conquest, whilst failing to connect the signs of abuse she believes he endured, with her reality. Somehow, Ana thinks it's reasonable for him to beat her almost senseless, that it's acceptable that she is forced to follow absurd rules and address him as 'sir'. Yet, despite this, there were times when I found myself sympathising with her; she's so incredibly naive. She's understandably overwhelmed by his lavish gifts and obviously adores having the attentions of this handsome man. However, there are also moments where she does defy him, where she seems to be able to control her desire for him and his attention; but she always returns to the same, dependant and lovesick persona.

Overall, I found the majority of the novel wholly unbelieveable. Considering that Ana had no experience with men, she somehow doesn't seem to realise how self destructive and erratic her behaviour becomes after several rounds of Christian stalking, beating, threatening and essentially controlling her in every way. I honestly can't understand how it took her so long to understand just how much Christian was ruining her; forcing her to stay using sex as a weapon. She eventually does realise that what she believes to be love, is in his eyes simply an easy fuck. Which leads me on to the last point; it was so frustrating reading so many descriptive words that could've been used replaced by expletives simply for the shock effect. The truth was, it stopped being so shocking and eventually became annoying. I'll admit, I'll likely read the next one as I am curious to see where the story goes as the ending of this novel did shock me. Ana eventually woke up, but not soon enough and I feel like the novel came across as a bit of bad joke. It had the potential to be an interesting commentary on abusive relationships, but I'm so angry that the whole book feels full of excuses that abuse and controlling behaviour in any context is ok, which it should never be. I feel like this book gives completely the wrong message, particularly to young, impressionable girls.

 

Overcoming an Alcohol Problem

 

Hello again; the post for a today is a slightly more intense topic at the centre point. I wanted to re-address something that I had mentioned on this blog months ago; the fact that I once had a genuine struggle with alcohol. It wasn't the classic version of alcoholic either, I want to make it clear that I was in no way an alcoholic. In fact, I was rarely drinking other than socially. I wasn't constantly thinking about the next drop that would hit my lips or determinedly finding situations to get drunk in. It took me many months to realise this, but overall the year 2016 was an incredibly difficult one for me. It had some highs, but considerably more lows; lows that have even been dragged into the new year, the fresh start that has been 2017. It started at a birthday party back in 2015, where I didn't drink excessively; if I remember correctly I drank roughly 3 ciders but that was enough to push my mental state over the edge and sent me into an angry, crying mess. My now best friend sat with me for hours outside, sobered me up and talked me through my problems.

That was the beginning of many months where I would go out and drink socially and be in complete denial about how much of a mess my mental health had become. I was no stranger to mental problems, but for literally years I'd done a good job of keeping that side of me fully closed away. It was as though my mind and behaviour was comparable to a doubled sided coin. The head, being my head - look sharp, think smart and keep it together. Never acknowledging how much stress was coming from my job at the time and an awful, abusive relationship. The tails, being my heart - completely ripped in two and struggling profusely to keep my shit together. Every so often, the tails would slip through and ruin every aspect of my life. I want from being confident and bubbly to someone who struggled with daily panic attacks. My anxiety was becoming rapidly out of control. Towards the latter half of 2016 I finally realised that the reason I was constantly suicidal and unable to cope when I had been drinking, even one glass; that, that was the side effect of the confidence that alcohol gives you. The thoughts and feelings that you are afraid to admit whilst sober are the things that rear their ugly heads the strongest when you've spend months constantly holding them in.

KNOWING MY LIMITS

The first step in my recovery journey was taking the biggest step of declaring myself teetotal. After a lot of conversation with my now boyfriend, I realised that if I wasn't able to drink even one glass or can without having negative thoughts then it was time to accept that I should cut drinking alcohol out of my life. It wasn't as hard as it sounds, as like I said I was not and never have been, an alcoholic. I was only drinking socially, but that wasn't ok. The social aspect was also part of the problem; my friends that I drank with were not true friends and used to make comments that would cause my mental health to spiral downward. In leaving those friends behind, I found I had no issues with being around others whilst they were drinking at a social event which helped me regain some confidence. By cutting out drinking for a period of time, I was able to relearn how to control those suicidal, negative thoughts once more.

ADDRESSING MY MENTAL HEALTH

Ultimately, the reason why I struggled with consuming alcohol was that it was bringing my adverse thoughts to the forefront of my mind. Mental health affects every individual differently and I have to say that my biggest mistake was pushing my problems to the back of mind; in short, by pretending that any problems didn't exist, it meant that whenever my mind wasn't completely in control of itself (e.g. whenever I was consuming alcohol) I wasn't able to prevent those thoughts coming out. By realising that alcohol was affecting my mental health negatively and ultimately preventing me from moving on with my life in a healthy way, I was able to focus on my mental health more through giving up alcohol. Without alcohol, I was forced to open up to my boyfriend and best friend. My two rocks throughout the past year. I learnt to put myself first and not rely on fake confidence, through focussing on improving my mental health.

LETTING GO OF NEGATIVITY

As I said before, 2016 was an incredibly difficult year for me and I'm still in the process of moving on and reforming my life. Communicating with my boyfriend and best friend meant that I no longer felt alone, I had two people who were always available to simply listen. When you are struggling, the best feeling is having someone to listen to you without interruption. Through having conversations and opening up my darkest fears and memories I've been able to move forward; in no way am I fixed, but I'm on the path to a much better place within my life. I'm no longer afraid to drink alcohol because of negative thoughts; yes they're still within the confines of my mind, but they're much less dominant than before and I no longer ever feel suicidal. I feel down sometimes, but I've definitely seen and felt an improvement with regards to my mental health since talking about my struggles. The most important part of my journey has been opening up and having a support network in place. You have to let go in order to move on; I will never forgive or forget, but I've reached a point where I know that I'm in full control. I'm at a positive point in my life and I never wish to go back down again.

FINDING MYSELF

After months of having the most agonising panic attacks, (to the point where I was having 50+ attacks a day) it was hardly surprising to those closest to me that I had no confidence. The worst part of depression is that it literally knocks the shit out of you, to the point that even getting out of bed is suddenly the biggest of tasks and to a regular person, getting out of bed is something effortless, completely uncomplicated. For me, the moment that I felt able to put make up on and feign confidence again was when I knew that I was prepared to face the world. I have stuggled with mental health problems since my early teens (on and off) and so I'd previously learnt feigning confidence brought me real confidence, after a while. But I'd be lying if my confidence wasn't increased by having my best friend and boyfriend consistently by my side, through thick and thin. Through alcohol pushing my negativity to the fore, I was able to see quite simply, how bad my state of mind had become.

   - - -

To conclude, I feel like this was a really important issue to discuss. Alcohol is something mentioned regularly on social media and in the media in general, actually. However, I feel like it's a taboo within society to open up regarding having an issue with alcohol; it's difficult even to be sober as it's such a normal thing to go to a pub for dinner, or indulge in a glass of your taste whilst seeing friends. I'm proud to say that if I hadn't of addressed and eventually overcome my alcohol problems, I doubt I would have ever confided in my best friend, or my boyfriend. Alcohol forced them to see me at my worst, and those two people definitely deserve to see the best parts of me. There is sadly a stigma placed upon those with mental health and/or alcohol issues and I feel like the majority of blogs focus on the positive side of life; I want to show that not all areas of life are perfect 100% of the time. My own life is far from perfect and this blog has not only become a hobby, but also a way of keeping busy, of keeping positive. I feel like my blog reflects that lack of perfection and I am absolutely fine with that.

 

Happy Things #9

 

1. This week I have the weekend off, and to be honest I'm so excited to relax, sit back and basically spend the whole of it in my bed. I just want a bit of 'me' time.

2. I'm looking forward to having a nice cold Kopparberg with my boyfriend to celebrate surviving another week; I've found that the best way to keep positive to have small, realistic goals that keep my head propped up on my shoulders.

3. I've finally nearly finished a book that I haven't been enjoying and I'm so excited for it to finally be over with. The problem is I hate not finishing a book once I've started so I need to keep going.

4. This week I've actually taken th plunge to join the gym so I'm on the way to starting more exercise, which will hopefully clear my mind and help me feel better about myself in general. I'm actually proud that I even bothered to sign up to a programme.

5. This is a small, but fairly uninteresting positive thing; I'm actually really happy with where my blog is going right now and I'm genuinely enjoying finding opportunities to be creative and share my opinions on my own little corner of the internet.

 

Zoella Beauty Haul

Hello again! After being pleasantly surprised by the Zoella Beauty Ginger Cream which I got as a part of a gift set, I decided that I wouldn't mind trying out some other products from the range. As I bought the gift set via eBay, I was given some suggested and similar items through an email so naturally I had a quick sift through because who doesn't love a bargain? So I cam across the items pictured below. I have to say, I do love a good eBay bargain, but I'd warn against the sellers that put the prices of items up becauase it's a popular brand, or because it's no longer available in stores... Although, with that said, if you hunt around patiently enough you'll usually find what you're looking for a reasonable price so you can't complain really.

 

The items pictured above weren't parts of the Zoella Lifestyle or Beauty ranges that I was desperate for, but they came as an added extra in the eBay listing so were a nice surprise. The first item was The Key to Inspiration which costs £6 from Superdrug and although it's in the most gorgeous marble patterned packaging and I like the rose gold themed key ring, I felt like it appealed to a younger audience than I am. This may be because I collected key rings as a child and teen so I've subconsciously connected the two. Similarly, Tutti Fruity Cosmetic Purse which has the same price point of £6 is equally as lovely in person but it's not an item I would've rushed out and bought. That said, I do like the size and I'll be using it as a mini make up for essentials for work I think as the design is nice in person and it feels sturdy so I'm more than happy with the quality. 

 

The main reason that I decided to bid on the listing was actually for the Zoella Beauty Let's Go Places with the RRP £25 from the Christmas collection. It had sold out in my local Superdrug so that was why I went on an eBay hunt after seeing some similarly suggested listings in my email inbox. I was actually very lucky; I paid a grand total of £16.50 for all of the items shown in this blogpost, which feels like an absolute steal when you consider the overall price of the items together. I like the suitcase style packaging and the pastel pink and white stripe scheme is cute especially matched with the rose gold style luggage tag. I have to say that I really love the style of packaging Zoella goes for from all of her products, they're cute and seem to appeal to a lot of people. I have no idea what I'm going to do with the suitcase though!

 

The three creams that were inside of the suitcase packaging are absolutely lovely; the Ginger Cream I actually have two of now as it was also in the Bake My Day gift sets I knew as soon as I saw it that I loved it. It's always good to have a spare product that you know you like so that you can use it again when you run out. Particularly as this is a limited edition product, so it's not so easy to find now. I was very excited to see a Hungry Hands hand cream included in this set as I suffer with bad excema on my hands, so hand cream is (naturally) one of my favourite things. On the whole I'm not a huge lover of Christmas but when it comes to these creams I'm definitely madly and truly in love with the scent as well as the consistency of the creams. I didn't even realise that I'm such a fan on sweet and spicy scents, although that said I do love the smell of ginger in general. I've been loving the Shower Glaze recently too, I love the feel of it against my skin. It's not too light or too heavy, but it has a very frothy and creamy texture which somehow provides a lot of bubbles on my skin and actually makes my body smell insane, I could literally eat myself haha.

 

Overall I'm really happy with my purchase, although I'm not sure I would've bought the purse or key ring separately; they're not items that seem like a must have from a beauty range for me. However, I'm in love with every single one of the creams from the Let's Go Places suitcase set and the inclusion of a shower sponge is great as it works really well alongside the Shower Glaze, which is also my favourite out of all of the products listed. I hadn't purchased any of the Zoella Beauty or Lifestyle ranges until recently as I wasn't entirely sure about the quality of the products in comparison to say, the Body Shop but I have to say that I've been pleasantly surprised by how good the quality of the Zoella products actually was. The only negative comment I have is that I wish there was an option for different types as I'd love a range for sensitive skin. I would definitely recommend the creams from her ranges and I'm planning on buying more for sure!

 

Beauty Favourites #1

During the month of February I've been getting into looking after my skin and generally pampering myself as a way of cheering myself up a bit. My skin is actually pretty sensitive so I'm a massive lover of beauty products that nourish and care for sensitive skin and so I've always loved The Body Shop as my mother has always been a fan so as a young teen I used to be a bit cheeky and basically borrow, e.g. steal from her stash, haha. There are a few items that I literally adore which are not the cheapest but definitely excellent value for money, especially when you consider they're all made from natural sources and are in general really good for you. Creams for sensitive skin are usually more expensive anyway, so I'm not afraid of having to spend a little extra to get the extra back into my skin. I'm also really pale and get the worst excema so looking after my skin is an absolute must.

 

At the moment there are a few different creams that I'm loving, for example the Zoella Beauty Ginger Cream is fantastic as it's very dewy and feels nice against the skin; I often use it as an on the go item for any dirty patches (for example on my elbow or neck) which does the job throughout the day and the smell is lovely. Although that said, my boyfriend isn't so keen on the smell, which is a shame as I love it. However during the recent winter months I've realised that I do need to take better care of my lips as they've got a tendency to chap, flake and dry out completely so I've been loving the Body Shop Strawberry Lip Butter which at £4.50 for 10ml is a little pricey but worth the money as it's incredibly hydrating, especially as I have a terrible habit of biting my lips unintentionally whilst I think. 

 

In all honesty, I love the Body Shop Body Butter range in general and own a few products from that range alongside the Lip Butter. The Pink Grapefruit Body Butter cost me £6 and is in a smaller size, which is not only great for travelling and on the go but I also adore the smell. It feels amazing against my skin and I like to use it on my knuckles, wrists and elbows; basically the spots where I do suffer the most from having dry, flaky skin. The second is a much larger tub of the Raspberry Body Butter which is my favourite fruit to eat and smell; the price was £14 which is more expensive but as the pot has literally doubled in size, so in my opinion is definitely worth the price. This size is the one that I invest in to use more regularly at home when I want to really pamper myself and I use it for literally my whole body, but particularly my legs and stomach. I would definitely recommend these tubs for the price and the smell... After use, your skin smells like fresh fruit which I love. Plus, they're super hydrating, which is a definite must for me.

 

I'm also a massive fan of the Body Shop Hemp Protector range; thus far I've only invested in a hand and foot cream, but oh my gosh they are amazing! The hand cream is what I use the most, which I bought in a larger size of 100ml so I paid £12, but it does start at £5 for the smaller size. The reason that I chose the larger size is because I do have awful excema on my hands. I have to say, it was worth every penny as the excema on my hands has completely cleared up since using it and it's the only non-steroid based cream to have done so. The Hemp Foot Protector is equally as excellent but for the hands. I have incredibly small and wide feet so I often tread awkwardly on the underside of my soles and so my feet do require more attention then is usual for anyone. The Hemp not only smells lovely but it really does soften and then protect from any hard or damaged skin. Priced at £11 for 100ml it's excellent value for money as it seems to last forever as you need only a small amount to cover the whole foot. This month I've loved rediscovering products to look after the body as I'd neglected my skin for what seems like ages!

 

Zoella Beauty Bake My Day Gift Set

Hello once again; after indulging in some of the Zoella beauty range previously, I realised just useful a body mist is. I like the way that they smell and how light but strong they are against the skin. Plus, for the price you don't mind to use them all the time as they're easily replaced, not looked my regular taste in perfume. As a result of falling in love with Let's Spritz! I then decided I need to find myself more of the Zoella beauty range. Needless to say, the first thing that I chose to find was the last body mist, one that doesnt seem to be available anywhere, anymore. As in, I literally had to hunt mine down! It was a serious case of desperation.

 

Naturally the first place that I looked was the Superdrug website, as all of the Zoella products are available from there, as well as Boots. However many products there were available I literally couldn't find the last body mist, the Gingerbrad version. So, I did the sensible thing and spend what felt like my entire life going through so many of Zoe's YouTube videos to find her product accouncement video. That was a good call, as it told me that it was a Gingerbread and Vanilla Fragrance Gift Set priced at £11. However... I then also found out it was part of a Christmas collection, a limited edition collection that was in the January sales and was now out of stock. You can imagine how much that irritated me. So, naturally a google search seemed like a good option.

 

Somehow, I managed to find a reasonably priced new and unused gift set from eBay for £13. Yes, that is more than the RRP but that does include the delivery price and so I wasn't too worried about paying a little more. It was in the original packaging (which I really liked) and sold as an unwanted gift, plus when it arrived it was as described so I'm a happy bunny. Very happy, actually as it is a limited edition. The bottle is same 45ml as the other body mists, with the same box style shape with a golden metallic lid. The back of the bottle has a cutesy pattern of gingerbread men in white silouhettes which can be seen through the clearness of the bottle from the front. The front of the bottle has Zoella Beauty written in metallic gold alongside Bake My Day! In bright red capitals, followed by a description of the scent in cursive writing also in red. I'm not a fan of the cursive writing, as although it's pretty it would have been nice to have a cute gingerbread man instead. 

 

The scent is rather spicy, with notes of gingerbread, cinnamon, and chocolate sweetened by the mix of vanilla. I'm not usually a fan of Christmassy scents; however I've always liked the smell of gingerbread so naturally I love this. That said, it's very strong and lasts on the skin better than any of the other Zoella beauty body mists which is great if you like that, which personally I do. It just means that it's fantastic value for money, as mists usually fade fairly quickly. I actually really like the packaging of the Ginger Cream; the burgundy shaped bottle works well visually alongside golden metallic cursive descriptive script and a sweet little gingerbread silouhette with a pink cap. The scent is very similar to the mist and incredibly creamy against the skin, it's a definite bonus part to the set, especially because I wasn't too bothered about the cream; I was only desperate for the mist, if I'm honest.

 

Overall I'm really happy with this set, ultimately it was a great purchase as I loved the scent and much to my surprise, the cream. I'm really happy that I managed to find the full size bottle as I like the fragrance and it matches in size with the rest of my Zoella beauty body mist collection. The set is, in my opinion excellent value for money and I don't feel like it aims only at tweens, the packaging feels more aimed towards an older audience now and actually I'm excited to try some products from the rest of her range as I was so pleasantly surprised by the body cream.