Monthly Favourites - October

 

1. Instax Mini 8

2. Hippie Princess by Vera Wang

3. Cosmopolitan magazine

4. Cath Kidston British Birds Dress

5. Bourjois 1 Seconde mascara 

6. Dog walks by the riverside whilst the sun sets

7. Caramel Lattes with cream

8. Russet coloured leaves scattered on the streets

9. Chocolate brownie and vanilla ice cream sundaes

10. Treat You Better - Shawn Mendes

A month in Instagram - October

 

 

 

I've spent a lot of time during October going on walks and exploring the local area; going to places such as Greenwich Park, the Royal Observatory and the Queens House. I've experimented a lot with photography, particularly with landscape photography to crate little snippets of life during the autumn months. I've spent a lot of time with my boyfriend, showing him things and getting to know more about him and his likes and dislikes. I've realised through this post that I've become a little in awe of beautiful sunsets this month.

Overall October has been a good month for me, in comparison with most of this year. A lot of problems have been resolved and I feel like my life is moving in a more positive direction. I've enjoyed spending time with my boyfriend, getting to know him more and relaxing in general. I love autumn but I hate winter, and I can feel the change in the weather already... ugh. It's gone from being incredibly mild to suddenly pretty cold, extremely quickly. I bought a new coat, a faux fur lined parka, so fingers crossed I'll be fine throughout the winter months. My boyfriends mama sent us some thick gloves as well, so I'm all set. October was a good month, November should be good too.

I'm sorry that this post is more photographs than words, but I think that sometimes it's nice just to visually present things and not overfill with information. I like how they've turned into nice little ordered sets of photographs. On that note, lets see how November fares from tomorrow :)

Travelling Light

 

When I was studying art during school and university, photography always had a special place in my heart. It was probably my favourite of the art forms, aside from drawing. I've always loved light, or lack of light and how it forms in a photograph. I've used many different kinds of cameras for these photographs, including a canon 35mm film camera, a Nikon D3100, D5200 and a canon 760D. I love seeing how the travelling light transfers through the camera lens, how the camera picks up on the vibrant shades of dark and light.

Since not feeling well, I've found a kind of solace in both photography and travelling through the local area, appreciating the small things like cobbled streets and old industrial buildings and river ports. I've enjoyed restablishing my love for photography, but at the same time I'm not sure that I have the passion for these kinds of 'fine art' style photographs anymore; these photographs are more what I would've created at university for a project then something that I would do as a hobby as an adult. 

Starting a blog has been a turning point for me; it's been a hobby that I've found I've really enjoyed as a creative outlet. I'm currently working in a job that completely lacks creativity so it's refreshing to be able to utilise my creativity somewhere. Moving forward, I feel like my interest in blogging has grown, and I'm getting more passionate about making quality posts. I'm starting to realise what kind of posts I want to make, and what kind of photographs I want to be making. Photography is very much a positive part of my life at the moment.

What's on my iPhone?

 

I have an iPhone 6S 64gb in rose gold which I chose because I've had an iPhone since the iPhone 4; I love the simplicity of the system, how it looks and works and I'm just used to it. Plus, I've grown up in a mac household; literally everyone in my house has an iPhone, iPod, iPad or MacBook, so it made sense to keep with the same system as they all sync together nicely. I like to keep my phone fairly organised, in its own way.

 

My lock screen is a picture of my boyfriend, one that he hates and I love, typically haha. On the home screen, the background at the moment is an image found from a simple Google image search, of a purple galaxy and I like it because it makes me feel like I'm looking into an alternative world. At the bottom of the screen, on the dock I keep phone, mail, safari and music. Essentially the four most useful and typically iPhone or iPod related apps that I probably reach for more or less on a daily basis. On the home screen (first page) I keep all of the basic and apple related apps, such as messages, calandar, photos, notes, clock, contacts, calculator, camera and settings (as well as some other boring ones). I keep these here because they tend to be the default apps that come with an iPhone and also because they're apps that go together well, they're my more 'FUNCTIONAL' rather than fun or interesting apps.

 

There are some alternatives to the standard Apple apps that I keep on this page that are also functional which I just generally prefer using. I use Met Office for weather as its very reliable and easy to use, especially if you're going on a journey as it lets you view weather across a map of the uk as well as by location. I also use Google Maps as opposed to Apple maps as I've always used google maps to find a place, on any device and I just find it's really simple to use. Being a Londoner, I also use Tube Map as I find whenever I have a paper tube map I just lose it or it gets super crumpled in my bag. It's always handy to have a spare copy of the tube and train maps of London, plus the app also lets you track train or tube times from specific stations.

 

On my second home page, I have a variety of apps, some which I've split into categories, such as Utilities, News, Shopping, Photography, Games, Prints, Extras and Food. The apps that aren't sorted into a catagory are those that I tend to use more than the others so I want to find quickly and with ease. The apps that I know I use the most are Facebook, Instagram, snapchat, messenger, whatsapp and bus times. The most useful of all of these is Bus Times as I use it to track when the bus is coming to any stop across London so I can plan journeys. I use messenger and whatsapp to keep in touch with friends and use Instagram, Facebook and snapchat as my main sources of social media. 

The other apps that I use fairly regularly are retrica, Fotor, my EE, eBay, just eat, hungryhouse, period tracker, Shazam, PayPal and collectplus. I don't use the games apps very often, eyre kept there for whenever I'm around children that might get bored or want something to do, like my godson. I use a few photography apps such as Fotor for editing and making collages of photos for Instagram and this blog. FreePrints is a great app which allows you to print photos from your phone for free other than paying the postage costs and Printic creates lovely Polaroid styles photographs from your camera roll at a low price too.

I'm glad that I went for the phone with the larger storage, as I have so many apps that I use, even if not regularly. Apps do take up a surprising amount of space, although in my case photos definitely take up the most space as I have over 5,500 photographs stored on my phone, some of which I've has since 2013, from my first ever iPhone. I can't see myself changing phones for a while, I'm happy with my current phone and I like the size and shape of it, plus I have plenty of storage space left so I think I'll be using this phone for at least another year. :)

Let it be

 

 

A couple of years ago I started suffering from severe panic attacks... Severe to the point that I was afraid to leave my house. This was during my second year of university and I felt like no one believed that this was how I was feeling, or that no one else understood how I was feeling. These attacks actually calmed down a lot during my third year of university, which was a massive relief but I was still having about 4 a week I guess. Once university was over, I stopped having them altogether. At first, I thought there was a correlation between finishing university and the panic attacks stopping.

However, there clearly wasn't a correlation as the panic attacks started again this year. I was in an abusive relationship, to the point that I was having daily panic attacks that affected every aspect of my life; my work, my friendships, my personality... Now the panic attacks are much less but I'm afraid of being alone, in case there's no one to be there to help me, to calm me. I'm afraid of dying. (Dramatic as it sounds, I know.) When you have a panic attack, it literally engulfs you. You can't breathe, can't move... You feel physically sick, as though someone is strangling you, or punching you multiple times in the stomach.

Slowly it will get easier, and I know that. It got easier before. Right now, I have amazing support in my life but I just can't control these panic attacks, no matter how hard I try to, no matter how hard I try to let go of the hard feelings. I suppose the only thing that I can do at the moment is let it be. Everything will be ok, in time. It's a hard lesson to learn, but a true one. I'm finding that going for walks is really helping to clear my head, to feel more calm. Finding the beauty in the outside world, helping me to find the beauty in staying alive.

Monthly Reflections #3

 

It feels as though Christmas is getting ever closer at the moment, which therefore means that the new year is coming not long after. In all honesty, I'm not the most social of people, but during this time of year, I do actually enjoy going out more and spending time with family and friends. That said, I hate the cold but somehow, it's bearable because everyone seems to be fairly upbeat and friendly. With this in mind, I feel as though it's time to think about my personal goals. I'm not one for ever sticking to New Years resolutions, therefore I want have goals that I can work on overall, regardless of the time of year so to improve my life.

One of the most important goals I have is to look after my health as I haven't been in the best state for a while. I want to improve my health physically and mentally. I tried going running and actually that did help to clear my head as well as getting my fitter physically and I'm thinking that doing some  exercise will help me, alongside actually making an effort to concentrate on the good things in my life and not constantly focus on the negative things. I want to focus on pushing forward and keeping forward, my intention is to get better and not go back down again.

As a result of focusing on my health, I also want to focus more on my relationship, my boyfriend is literally one of the most patient and supportive people I've ever met and I need to appreciate him far more than I do. I need to spend more time building friendships new and old, even if it's just sending a text or meeting up for a quick coffee. I have a terrible habit of not looking after my health and therefore neglecting other aspects of my life, such as friendships and relationships in general. 

During the past few months I've really been enjoying blogging more regularly; it's been a therapeutic experience for me. I've been pushing through my low moods to keep going and actually make an effort to continue doing something. It's an enjoyable hobby for me, and I'm really loving it at the moment.  In the future, I would really love to meet other bloggers and generally push myself to be more sociable as I do have a tendency to shut myself away. I feel as though I've been pretty consistent with my blog these few months and I'm planning to continue posting regularly. 

On a final note, I want to have a holiday as soon as possible, or at least some time off from work. I feel as though I'm literally frying my brain; I'm currently working a ridiculous amount of hours a week, as well as getting few hours sleep a night. Insomnia has always been a problem for me, since my later teenage years, but recently it's begun to spiral out of control and has started to affect my health. With this in mind, I just feel as though I need to relax, recharge my batteries and find myself again.

The '23' feeling

 

 

I've never felt so confused or so lonely at any age; being 23 has been one of the hardest, and worst years of my life. Although, that said, it's also been one of the best years of my life because of the hard times. I feel as though I'm having a quarter life crisis, stuck in a rut in various ways. I'm unhappy with so many aspects of my life and I feel so incredibly lonely. The feeling of loneliness is the worst, as well as being ever-so-slightly stupid. I have friends and a relationship that's going very well, considering how crazy I am as a person, mentally. I suppose you could say that I'm missing friends who I haven't kept in touch with. But then, I could also argue that they haven't kept in touch with me either.

Friendships, relationships... They are always two way things, I know that, yet I struggle to remember that. I've had a really rough year and I'm struggling to come to terms with that, and struggling further due to the realisation that my life is never going to be the same at it was... adulthood has literally hit me like I've had a tonne of bricks smashed into my face. I long to be 18 again, with no money but loving life. I just feel like I'm having a crisis in general, as in, I'm not happy with my weight, my looks overall; nothing is able to keep my attention for long any more and I just feel listless. In reality, I guess it's me struggling to understand how much I've changed in the past few years.

I've gone from an overconfident 16 year old, to severely underconfident and anxious from the age of 17. Admittedly that did calm down at the beginning of university, at roughly 19 years old, but literally from 20 years old I've struggled so badly and that hasn't improved whatsoever. I feel like a different person when I look back at photos of myself as a teenager, I worry if that's a normal thing. I guess the time is now to accept who I am, because yes I may be severely anxious and borderline depressed but I do have positive parts to my life as well as negative. My biggest problem is my tendency to see all the negative without even thinking about the positive. This year has been the hardest of my life, but it's a turning point; from now it can only improve. I have support and although only a few, I have some really strong relationships now and those are the ones I'm determined to keep. I'm going to do my absolute best to brush off the '23 feeling'.

October Playlist!

 

1. i hate u, i love u - Gnash (feat. Olivia O'brien 

2. Dancing on My Own - Calum Scott

3. Breathe Me - Sia

4. Fast In My Car - Paramore

5. Never Be Alone - Shawn Mendes

6. The Greatest - Sia (feat. Kendrick Lamar)

7. Jesus of Suburbia- Green Day

8. Stitches - Shawn Mendes

9. Basket Case - Green Day

10. Ain't It Fun - Paramore

Exploring London #1

 

 

One of my favourite things to do at the moment is go for a walk. I find it really helps me to clear out my mind and actually relax. Alongside that, it also gives me time to take in what I see around me, as well as do something other than work, eat and sleep. Growing up in London meant that I took many things for granted that many people actually spend considerable amounts of money to travel and see. For example, there is so much history around. Museums, art galleries, landmarks, live music venues, cathedrals, churches, palaces, parks and even huge shopping streets and centres. As a result of my boyfriend not being British, it's actually a nice excuse to think of things to do and see.

The first thing we've done is go to Greenwich Park, arguably one of the best Parks and has the most beautiful views across the city. It's home to the Greenwich World Hertiage Site and includes the Royal Observatory, the National Maritime Museum, the Old Royal Naval College and the Queen's House. There is so much history in this park, particularly from British Royal history, first as a hunting park during the Tudor era and it was also home to the Tudor and Stuart palaces as well as Greenwich Hospital. Greenwich is also home to Greenwich Mean Time, and at night you can see a laser that goes across London that lets you know where time begins. Even some of the plants in the Park are associated with royalty, such as the Queen's Oak (Elizabeth I) and the Wilderness which alludes to its hunting days, complete with wild deers. The flower garden and the garden of the Astronomer Royal are also lovely parts to visit, dating back to the 17th century.

The nicest thing about the park is probably the views of London however. You can see literally so many landmarks if you walk up to Flamsteed House. Canary Wharf, the o2 (The Millenium Dome), the Gherkin, the Shard, the old gasworks, ferry ports and docks. Piotr and I went in the afternoon, as it's now autumn and getting much darker, much faster in the evenings it meant that we saw the view in twilight, definitely my favourite time of say to take in such a nice view. I'm definitely liking sunsets a lot recently, I like the colours and how the lights of buildings twinkle and glitter in the darkness. I'm liking the decision to travel around London and enjoy what tourists pay money for, it's nice to discover new things on a budget. 

Favourite Blogs! - October

Hello again, every month I feel as though I've discovered more blogs to enjoy reading as well as inspire me both creatively and in my life. All of the blogs below are new finds that I've been absolutely loving at the moment. All images belong to the blogs mentioned below, found through a basic google image search. The blog titles will link you directly to their blog pages.

 

popcornandglitter

I'm not someone who watches films often and to be honest I've bothered to review any, either. However, I really enjoy ready Sophie's blog because she has so many different interests surrounding her main interest of films. She writes about beauty, fashion, food, lifestyle and the various events that she attends. I found her blog was quite fresh and new because she seems to be genuinely interested in the content she makes, particularly the posts about the latest films being released at the moment. Her outfits are fun because they're usually seasonal and themed to a holiday, like Christmas or hallowe'en which is also nice to read and see.

 

littlemisskaty

Katy's blog is a very new find and I admit, I spent a few hours catching up on lots of her older blog posts. Although she's a British blogger, she details how she grew up in Spain and so she feels like her culture is a bit bizarre. I really like her posts, she's incredibly down to earth and honest, especially on personal topics. The main reason that I love her blog, however, is her very optimistic way of starting the week off with '10 Happy Things', all about positivity and keeping your head up. Fantastic for people like me, and alongside, her fashions are very sophisticated cool.

 

hellomissjordan

I feel like I've found so many new blogs this month; I fell in love with Jordan's princess-y, pink and overall lovely aesthetic. I like how she treats every single day as though it's right time to dress up and look beautiful, just like living in a fairytale. Her posts are beauty, fashion, lifestyle and travel related. Overall she seems very relaxed and positive about all aspects of her life and I like how she's upfront and honest about her dreams and aspirations, as well as providing updates about how they're going. When you read her posts, it's almost like hearing from a friend, as opposed to a stranger, which is something I liked very much.

 

ciderwithrosie

I've been following Rosie on Instagram for a while but have only recently started reading her blog as well; at the moment her posts are very family orientated, as her and her husband have recently had their first child, a little girl. Her previous posts are a mixture of lifestyle, weddings&relationships, the English countryside and beauty looks. She also regularly updates readers on what's made her happy this week or month, and provides advice on starting blogs and other social medias as well.

A Severe Case of Wanderlust

 

During the last couple of months, I've been almost chasing sunsets and sometimes the sunrise... as a result, I've realised the importance of experiencing and seeing things for myself, to the point that I really, really want to travel. Not necessarily in Europe or abroad, but also in the UK as well. For example, where I grew up is a massive tourist hotspot. They spend a great deal of money to experience things that I've taken for granted all my life and now I'm doing my best to try and experience all that I've not done or seen in my local areas before branching out further, to other areas of London.

It's so so inspiring when you see Instagrams or friends travels on Facebook, for example my best friend has been to the USA, Germany and the Czech Republic this year alone. Alongside that, I've seen others travelling to the Netherlands, Croatia, Hungary, Spain and Italy amongst so many other places. It's made me reconsider what I want to do with my life and what I want to save for. The problem with travelling is ultimately the expense of it. Without even ticket prices to travel to places, it's also hotel bills, food and general spending money. This year I went to Paris and it was shit because of the company being shit and an overall lack of money. It made me realise the importance of being able to afford to travel.

Even if you keep the prices as low as you possibly can, it's still a lot of money to find or save up for. Ultimately I'm at a point where I need to decide what I want to do. Especially as I now share my life, my money and my time with someone else. This is the key I guess; I'm independent but I do share my life with someone and that person will always and should always come first for me. That is the main reason that I want to continue exploring London. It's such a vast city, I feel as though I should celebrate growing up and living in such a fantastic city. I want to enjoy having someone to explore it with, and I'm grateful that I can travel through my home city and feel like I'm discovering something new without having to save for a long time and therefore, settle my desire for wanderlust on a tightly controlled budget.

Changing seasons

 

 

As a child I absolutely loved the change in seasons and that has definitely followed me through to my adult life; my favourite seasons is probably autumn but I do enjoy every season for different reasons. However, I do struggle with the physical changes that happen as the seasons change. For example, gaining and losing weight, getting spotty skin and feeling constantly tired. I have arthritis, a condition which affects my joints. As a result, I've always struggled more with pain and stiffness in the autumn and winter months, I feel like the cold really affects me and joints. I've always had a problem with cold, in the sense that I always feel cold, even in summer months I wear a jumper without feeling hot, so imagine how many layers I have to wear in the winter months to keep warm.

Living in London, I feel like the city really comes alive during the winter months and I love how the lights glitter in the darkness, especially in central London. This year, I'm going to do my best and really enjoy every minute. I want to do at least one enjoyable thing a week using whatever time I have available. I need to learn to make more time for myself and spend more time with friends. I want to explore the city more and embrace the changing seasons. I studied an arts degree so I want to use my creative side more on this blog, take better photographs and organise them better. I'm my own worst critic, I want everything to constantly explain changed and improved. I feel like my photos don't look professional enough, that I don't spend more time taking perfectly planned photographs but I'm learning and I hope that my photography is improving, slowly, but surely.

Favourite Instagrammers - October

Yet another month has come and gone and my Instagram addiction is still going strong :) below are some of the lovely accounts that I've been loving recently and I've been njoyed following for various reasons, for example some of them love to travel, or love fashion and I like seeing what other people enjoy or what others are passionate about. All the images were taken using a simple Google search using the usernames detailed blow.

 

themagpiegirl

I adore Vicki's Instagram, it's so stunning photography it's amazing. She's currently pregnant and it's lovely watching her documenting her journey and what she's buying for the baby. She takes the nicest close ups of her homewares and decorations alongside her general lifestyle. Even the most basic photograph of a cake or a clock looks so fresh and interesting and I really do admire her 'country' style kitchen with its soft teal toned interior.

 

racheldarling_

Rachel's Instagram is definitely one to enjoy; I love the vintagey style of all of her photographs which also reflects her own personal style. A mix of landscape, interior and self portraits, her insta page almost transports you back to the 1950s. I love how dedicated she is to herself and her 'look'; her outfit posts are absolutely lovely as her clothes look so so beautiful. I have major wardrobe and figure envy, she defines the idea of the pinup era.

 

sophierosie._

Sophie manages to make a lazy day in bed or a visit to a coffee shop look interesting, somehow. Her page has a definitive style, of mostly crisp whites and high contrast, which I admire as I can never stick to a theme. She documents even the little things, like have a breakfast in bed or editing on her laptop. I love her soft and comfy interior style, with knitwear and cushions everywhere. She's proof that even the ordinary is extraordinary photography wise.

 

lucieloves 

This girl really loves to travel the world, as a result of that her posts are pretty addictive. She finds beauty in the smallest of details, such as tiled flooring, bricks or plants. I like how she takes photographs from interesting and unusual angles and has a clear taste for adventure. She's also very pro positive thinking and thoughts and posts positive life quotes fairly regularly across her feed, which if you do struggle with mental health does give you a push to keep on the right track to happiness.

 

underthehutch

Ffion's feed has a slightly hipster aesthetic about it; full of landscapes, sunsets and close ups of outfits. It's a bit of a random collection of photographs but I like that about it, there's no rigid theme and her selfies show how physically beautiful she is. Her cheekbones are very pleasing :) she often posts photos of of rabbits, cameras and her room which has photographs all over it, showing how much photography is a part of her life.

I need help.

 

After having a positive few days, sadly I've started feeling a bit rough and overthinking a lot again. I feel like I'm at a bit of a crossroads; I'm in two minds whether or not to completely overhaul my life. The trouble is, I'm constantly thinking 'what if?' And I feel a little trapped in my mind and in a cycle of life. As in, I feel like I need to change my job, but I'm afraid that I'll be making a bad decision... I'm worried that I'll miss my current job, even though I have good and bad days there and to be honest I feel like I should change, to have a change. But then is it worth to change if it's more or less for the sake of it? I guess many would say that I'm stuck in a rut and deep down, I do agree with that.

I guess the problem is not the job, it's myself, my mind. My mental health. It's bizarre because autumn is my favourite time of the year; I can say with certainty that I need to look after myself before I make any changes, even if I do long change. I think it's time to explore the idea of professional help, blogging has been good for me, as has making myself explore the city with my boyfriend but I think there's still a long way to go. Until then, I'm going to continue blogging and try and find peace in the outside world. I love photography and so I want to concentrate on what I enjoy rather than what I dislike, hopefully that will help for the time being. I'm sorry that it's a rather sad and confused jumble of a post, yet again.

 

Simple Pleasures

 

Now that September is over, it's nice to look back and enjoy the moments. Overall I've had a really good few months now, to the point that I'm looking forward to October (and beyond), to enjoying more simple pleasures. During this month I've realised that my favourite moments have been the least interesting. I want to spend more time doing touristy things in my home city; I want to visit more landmarks, galleries and museums and stop taking life for granted. I want to be more active in enjoying the life I live, not simply living it.

I haven't been to the cinema in literally years, so that's another things I'd like to do this month, I have no idea what to see but I'm sure I'll find something when the time comes. I've also realised how much of a foodie I'm becoming, so I'm quite excited to try new foods and eateries throughout this month. I'm definitely seeing a more positive side of myself, which can only be a good thing. Autumn in London is truly lovely, especially Greenwich Park with its crisp leaves and fantastic views that spread across the city. I like having picnics in the park as well, literally sitting back and relaxing with good company and watching the world go by. I want to watch the bonfire night fireworks with my boyfriend, as there's less tourists at this time of year so it's busy overall and therefore more space to explore! Here's hoping for a great month. :)

 

Hello, October

 

Finally, it's staring to feel like real autumn; there's a chill in the air and it's getting darker earlier in the evening, I love it. I've always loved autumn, I love how the seasons change and the colours that the leaves and trees turn as they begin to disintegrate. Photography wise, I adore taking photos in the autumn months, especially sunset landscapes. This month I want to try and live more, go out exploring and enjoy seeing and experiencing new things. I've been living stuck in a rut for about five years, so I feel like it's time to branch out and live. I intend to really push myself to go out and actually enjoy myself.

Blogging has actually been like a kind of therapy for me and I'm grateful that I pushed myself to get into a routine of it; it's encouraging me to out, to have something to write about and enjoy. After studying creative subjects for so many years it's also a good way to pushing through with my creative side. Growing up in London I've always taken interesting things for granted, for example there are so many museums and breathtaking city views visible from where I live and yet I've never really taken the time to go out and actually experience things that tourist travels across the globe to do. My boyfriend isn't from London so it's such a good excuse to go out and explore like a tourist in my own country!