Best Songs of 2016

 

1. Real Love - Florrie

2. Beautiful Lies - Birdy

3. Find Me - Sigma (feat. Birdy)

4. Cold Water - Major Lazer (feat. Justin Bieber and Mø)

5. Dangerous Woman - Ariana Grande

6. Treat You Better - Shawn Mendes 

7. Hello - Adele

8. The Greatest - Sia (feat. Kendrick Lamar)

9. Closer - The Chainsmokers (feat. Halsey)

10. Still Falling For You - Ellie Goulding

11. Woman Up - Meghan Trainor

12. Cheap Thrills - Sia (feat Sean Paul)

13. Hallejuah - Panic! At The Disco

14. Sorry - Justin Bieber 

15. Unstoppable - Sia

16. Golden Days - Panic! At The Disco

17. Wild - Troye Sivan (feat. Alessia Cara)

18. Just Like Fire - P!nk

19. Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time - Panic! At The Disco

20. Love Yourself - Justin Bieber

In all honesty, it was a little bit of a nightmare finding 20 songs that I loved that were released this year; you'd probably guessed from the way I detail a list of songs I'm obsessed with every month on this blog that I'm an avid listener to music. The main issue is that I listen to literally every genre of music, my iPod holds songs by Kanye West, Little Mix, Gallows, White Lies... You can pretty much name any genre and I'll have at least one song on the iPod from it. 20 songs wasn't really enough for me, but I needed to limit myself somewhere, haha. The songs listed above are the 'most listened' to on my iPod throughout this year and I think it definitely shows how my mood swings have been really up and down this year, but on the whole I've listened to this ones whilst on a journey on public transport so they're on the whole quite loud and upbeat as I don't like hearing the sounds of traffic much. Buses and especially the tube are so noisy! Hopefully 2017 will bring out some amazing songs too, just like some of these.

 

Favourite Blogs! - November

 

nospaceformilk.com

I followed Rachel on Instagram not too long ago; the first blogpost that I read was 'A-Z of Mental Health', which really resonated with me on a personal level. As a result of that blogpost, I began trawling through her older posts and really, really enjoyed her blog. She feels so real and relatable, with a honest outlook on life. Her posts are mostly lifestyle, and I love how down to earth she comes across. When I read her posts, it's as though I'm listening to a friend and that's why she's become one of my favourite blogs.

 

coffeewithkays.co.uk

I love Kayliegh-Anne's blog for a number of reasons; she's an avid foodie, beauty lover, regularly updates on her personal life, her health, university studies and her hopes and dreams. Although I'm not a vegan, her cooking recipes are not only easy to follow but also taste good and are cheap to produce. Plus they're healthy, which is a bonus for someone like me, so tends to eat fatty foods. I like how she spoke about her insecurities in a post, that made me feel like I'm not alone, even if it was text on an iPad to me. Her quotes of the week are always really uplifting too.

 

notsomousybrown.com

I found Amy on Instagram, I have no recollection of how, but I've been reading her blog ever since. I admire her creativity and enjoy seeing her range of interests. I'm loving her autumn fashion stylings at the moment, as well as her lifestyle posts that contain simple but effective advice. She's quite a new blogger, but very polished and her posts are always interesting; you can tell that she's passionate about her writing and she takes some really lovely photos to help demonstrate this.

 

emilyrosevass.com

Emily is another new blogger, but one that I see really growing an audience really quickly. She writes most about food, fashion and lifestyle. Her blogposts are informative and interesting, and I definitely related to her skincare related series of posts as she has a similarly rosy skintone to me so the products she mentioned turned out to be really useful. Probably my favourite post of hers was a blogging tips post, suggesting ways to take blogger friendly photographs whilst on a budget. So useful and so revelant for many people.

November Goals

 

November isn't one of my favourite months, to be honest. It's when it gets really cold and seems to be boring in comparison to December and after Hallowe'en it all feels a bit dull and lacklustre. The biggest struggle for me is the change in the weather and also the transition to daylight saving time; I can't say that I suffer with seasonal affective disorder, but it's not a dissimilar feeling. So, this November I want to tackle head on and start the month off on a positive note.

I plan to focus on several things. I want to start thinking more positively, doing my absolute best to remember to breathe in and breathe out. Panic attacks have increased quite a bit recently and I'm determined to limit opportunities for them to appear. I'm planning to focus on happy thoughts and intend to plan some lovely days out with friends. I'm well overdue a lunch date with my best friend, who is currently travelling across Europe, to the Czech Republic, Hungary and Austria. I'm missing her company lots but enjoying seeing her enjoy herself and refresh her mind. She's inspired me to try and relax more.

I'm also planning to try and commit to eating healthier, as I have a tendency to just eat rubbish all the time which likely makes me feel rubbish all of the time. Side note; (I feel a bit rubbish a lot of the time, so it'll be good to tell if there is a correlation between my diet and my mental health). I want to learn to let go of all of the negativity inside my head and understand that life is what we make it. I am the architect of my own destiny, I make the decisions and only I can make myself feel better, stop letting life get me down.

If I think more postitively about life, then maybe life will be more positive and therefore I will see an improvement in my mental health. I need to stop comparing myself to others. No one has the perfect life, but it's ok to aim for perfection. My life at the moment is very ordinary and I'm on a mission to make it extraordinary. I'm grateful for many things, such as having truly fantastic friends and I need to focus on that and the little things that make these friendships so special to me. I'm excited for my boyfriend to move in, to move forward as a couple and continue enjoying his company and support. He's the single most important person in my life, and the person who is always there whenever I need him. 

So, hello November. Let's see what you bring.

Travelling Light

 

When I was studying art during school and university, photography always had a special place in my heart. It was probably my favourite of the art forms, aside from drawing. I've always loved light, or lack of light and how it forms in a photograph. I've used many different kinds of cameras for these photographs, including a canon 35mm film camera, a Nikon D3100, D5200 and a canon 760D. I love seeing how the travelling light transfers through the camera lens, how the camera picks up on the vibrant shades of dark and light.

Since not feeling well, I've found a kind of solace in both photography and travelling through the local area, appreciating the small things like cobbled streets and old industrial buildings and river ports. I've enjoyed restablishing my love for photography, but at the same time I'm not sure that I have the passion for these kinds of 'fine art' style photographs anymore; these photographs are more what I would've created at university for a project then something that I would do as a hobby as an adult. 

Starting a blog has been a turning point for me; it's been a hobby that I've found I've really enjoyed as a creative outlet. I'm currently working in a job that completely lacks creativity so it's refreshing to be able to utilise my creativity somewhere. Moving forward, I feel like my interest in blogging has grown, and I'm getting more passionate about making quality posts. I'm starting to realise what kind of posts I want to make, and what kind of photographs I want to be making. Photography is very much a positive part of my life at the moment.

What's on my iPhone?

 

I have an iPhone 6S 64gb in rose gold which I chose because I've had an iPhone since the iPhone 4; I love the simplicity of the system, how it looks and works and I'm just used to it. Plus, I've grown up in a mac household; literally everyone in my house has an iPhone, iPod, iPad or MacBook, so it made sense to keep with the same system as they all sync together nicely. I like to keep my phone fairly organised, in its own way.

 

My lock screen is a picture of my boyfriend, one that he hates and I love, typically haha. On the home screen, the background at the moment is an image found from a simple Google image search, of a purple galaxy and I like it because it makes me feel like I'm looking into an alternative world. At the bottom of the screen, on the dock I keep phone, mail, safari and music. Essentially the four most useful and typically iPhone or iPod related apps that I probably reach for more or less on a daily basis. On the home screen (first page) I keep all of the basic and apple related apps, such as messages, calandar, photos, notes, clock, contacts, calculator, camera and settings (as well as some other boring ones). I keep these here because they tend to be the default apps that come with an iPhone and also because they're apps that go together well, they're my more 'FUNCTIONAL' rather than fun or interesting apps.

 

There are some alternatives to the standard Apple apps that I keep on this page that are also functional which I just generally prefer using. I use Met Office for weather as its very reliable and easy to use, especially if you're going on a journey as it lets you view weather across a map of the uk as well as by location. I also use Google Maps as opposed to Apple maps as I've always used google maps to find a place, on any device and I just find it's really simple to use. Being a Londoner, I also use Tube Map as I find whenever I have a paper tube map I just lose it or it gets super crumpled in my bag. It's always handy to have a spare copy of the tube and train maps of London, plus the app also lets you track train or tube times from specific stations.

 

On my second home page, I have a variety of apps, some which I've split into categories, such as Utilities, News, Shopping, Photography, Games, Prints, Extras and Food. The apps that aren't sorted into a catagory are those that I tend to use more than the others so I want to find quickly and with ease. The apps that I know I use the most are Facebook, Instagram, snapchat, messenger, whatsapp and bus times. The most useful of all of these is Bus Times as I use it to track when the bus is coming to any stop across London so I can plan journeys. I use messenger and whatsapp to keep in touch with friends and use Instagram, Facebook and snapchat as my main sources of social media. 

The other apps that I use fairly regularly are retrica, Fotor, my EE, eBay, just eat, hungryhouse, period tracker, Shazam, PayPal and collectplus. I don't use the games apps very often, eyre kept there for whenever I'm around children that might get bored or want something to do, like my godson. I use a few photography apps such as Fotor for editing and making collages of photos for Instagram and this blog. FreePrints is a great app which allows you to print photos from your phone for free other than paying the postage costs and Printic creates lovely Polaroid styles photographs from your camera roll at a low price too.

I'm glad that I went for the phone with the larger storage, as I have so many apps that I use, even if not regularly. Apps do take up a surprising amount of space, although in my case photos definitely take up the most space as I have over 5,500 photographs stored on my phone, some of which I've has since 2013, from my first ever iPhone. I can't see myself changing phones for a while, I'm happy with my current phone and I like the size and shape of it, plus I have plenty of storage space left so I think I'll be using this phone for at least another year. :)

Let it be

 

 

A couple of years ago I started suffering from severe panic attacks... Severe to the point that I was afraid to leave my house. This was during my second year of university and I felt like no one believed that this was how I was feeling, or that no one else understood how I was feeling. These attacks actually calmed down a lot during my third year of university, which was a massive relief but I was still having about 4 a week I guess. Once university was over, I stopped having them altogether. At first, I thought there was a correlation between finishing university and the panic attacks stopping.

However, there clearly wasn't a correlation as the panic attacks started again this year. I was in an abusive relationship, to the point that I was having daily panic attacks that affected every aspect of my life; my work, my friendships, my personality... Now the panic attacks are much less but I'm afraid of being alone, in case there's no one to be there to help me, to calm me. I'm afraid of dying. (Dramatic as it sounds, I know.) When you have a panic attack, it literally engulfs you. You can't breathe, can't move... You feel physically sick, as though someone is strangling you, or punching you multiple times in the stomach.

Slowly it will get easier, and I know that. It got easier before. Right now, I have amazing support in my life but I just can't control these panic attacks, no matter how hard I try to, no matter how hard I try to let go of the hard feelings. I suppose the only thing that I can do at the moment is let it be. Everything will be ok, in time. It's a hard lesson to learn, but a true one. I'm finding that going for walks is really helping to clear my head, to feel more calm. Finding the beauty in the outside world, helping me to find the beauty in staying alive.

The '23' feeling

 

 

I've never felt so confused or so lonely at any age; being 23 has been one of the hardest, and worst years of my life. Although, that said, it's also been one of the best years of my life because of the hard times. I feel as though I'm having a quarter life crisis, stuck in a rut in various ways. I'm unhappy with so many aspects of my life and I feel so incredibly lonely. The feeling of loneliness is the worst, as well as being ever-so-slightly stupid. I have friends and a relationship that's going very well, considering how crazy I am as a person, mentally. I suppose you could say that I'm missing friends who I haven't kept in touch with. But then, I could also argue that they haven't kept in touch with me either.

Friendships, relationships... They are always two way things, I know that, yet I struggle to remember that. I've had a really rough year and I'm struggling to come to terms with that, and struggling further due to the realisation that my life is never going to be the same at it was... adulthood has literally hit me like I've had a tonne of bricks smashed into my face. I long to be 18 again, with no money but loving life. I just feel like I'm having a crisis in general, as in, I'm not happy with my weight, my looks overall; nothing is able to keep my attention for long any more and I just feel listless. In reality, I guess it's me struggling to understand how much I've changed in the past few years.

I've gone from an overconfident 16 year old, to severely underconfident and anxious from the age of 17. Admittedly that did calm down at the beginning of university, at roughly 19 years old, but literally from 20 years old I've struggled so badly and that hasn't improved whatsoever. I feel like a different person when I look back at photos of myself as a teenager, I worry if that's a normal thing. I guess the time is now to accept who I am, because yes I may be severely anxious and borderline depressed but I do have positive parts to my life as well as negative. My biggest problem is my tendency to see all the negative without even thinking about the positive. This year has been the hardest of my life, but it's a turning point; from now it can only improve. I have support and although only a few, I have some really strong relationships now and those are the ones I'm determined to keep. I'm going to do my absolute best to brush off the '23 feeling'.

Exploring London #1

 

 

One of my favourite things to do at the moment is go for a walk. I find it really helps me to clear out my mind and actually relax. Alongside that, it also gives me time to take in what I see around me, as well as do something other than work, eat and sleep. Growing up in London meant that I took many things for granted that many people actually spend considerable amounts of money to travel and see. For example, there is so much history around. Museums, art galleries, landmarks, live music venues, cathedrals, churches, palaces, parks and even huge shopping streets and centres. As a result of my boyfriend not being British, it's actually a nice excuse to think of things to do and see.

The first thing we've done is go to Greenwich Park, arguably one of the best Parks and has the most beautiful views across the city. It's home to the Greenwich World Hertiage Site and includes the Royal Observatory, the National Maritime Museum, the Old Royal Naval College and the Queen's House. There is so much history in this park, particularly from British Royal history, first as a hunting park during the Tudor era and it was also home to the Tudor and Stuart palaces as well as Greenwich Hospital. Greenwich is also home to Greenwich Mean Time, and at night you can see a laser that goes across London that lets you know where time begins. Even some of the plants in the Park are associated with royalty, such as the Queen's Oak (Elizabeth I) and the Wilderness which alludes to its hunting days, complete with wild deers. The flower garden and the garden of the Astronomer Royal are also lovely parts to visit, dating back to the 17th century.

The nicest thing about the park is probably the views of London however. You can see literally so many landmarks if you walk up to Flamsteed House. Canary Wharf, the o2 (The Millenium Dome), the Gherkin, the Shard, the old gasworks, ferry ports and docks. Piotr and I went in the afternoon, as it's now autumn and getting much darker, much faster in the evenings it meant that we saw the view in twilight, definitely my favourite time of say to take in such a nice view. I'm definitely liking sunsets a lot recently, I like the colours and how the lights of buildings twinkle and glitter in the darkness. I'm liking the decision to travel around London and enjoy what tourists pay money for, it's nice to discover new things on a budget. 

Favourite Blogs! - October

Hello again, every month I feel as though I've discovered more blogs to enjoy reading as well as inspire me both creatively and in my life. All of the blogs below are new finds that I've been absolutely loving at the moment. All images belong to the blogs mentioned below, found through a basic google image search. The blog titles will link you directly to their blog pages.

 

popcornandglitter

I'm not someone who watches films often and to be honest I've bothered to review any, either. However, I really enjoy ready Sophie's blog because she has so many different interests surrounding her main interest of films. She writes about beauty, fashion, food, lifestyle and the various events that she attends. I found her blog was quite fresh and new because she seems to be genuinely interested in the content she makes, particularly the posts about the latest films being released at the moment. Her outfits are fun because they're usually seasonal and themed to a holiday, like Christmas or hallowe'en which is also nice to read and see.

 

littlemisskaty

Katy's blog is a very new find and I admit, I spent a few hours catching up on lots of her older blog posts. Although she's a British blogger, she details how she grew up in Spain and so she feels like her culture is a bit bizarre. I really like her posts, she's incredibly down to earth and honest, especially on personal topics. The main reason that I love her blog, however, is her very optimistic way of starting the week off with '10 Happy Things', all about positivity and keeping your head up. Fantastic for people like me, and alongside, her fashions are very sophisticated cool.

 

hellomissjordan

I feel like I've found so many new blogs this month; I fell in love with Jordan's princess-y, pink and overall lovely aesthetic. I like how she treats every single day as though it's right time to dress up and look beautiful, just like living in a fairytale. Her posts are beauty, fashion, lifestyle and travel related. Overall she seems very relaxed and positive about all aspects of her life and I like how she's upfront and honest about her dreams and aspirations, as well as providing updates about how they're going. When you read her posts, it's almost like hearing from a friend, as opposed to a stranger, which is something I liked very much.

 

ciderwithrosie

I've been following Rosie on Instagram for a while but have only recently started reading her blog as well; at the moment her posts are very family orientated, as her and her husband have recently had their first child, a little girl. Her previous posts are a mixture of lifestyle, weddings&relationships, the English countryside and beauty looks. She also regularly updates readers on what's made her happy this week or month, and provides advice on starting blogs and other social medias as well.

Changing seasons

 

 

As a child I absolutely loved the change in seasons and that has definitely followed me through to my adult life; my favourite seasons is probably autumn but I do enjoy every season for different reasons. However, I do struggle with the physical changes that happen as the seasons change. For example, gaining and losing weight, getting spotty skin and feeling constantly tired. I have arthritis, a condition which affects my joints. As a result, I've always struggled more with pain and stiffness in the autumn and winter months, I feel like the cold really affects me and joints. I've always had a problem with cold, in the sense that I always feel cold, even in summer months I wear a jumper without feeling hot, so imagine how many layers I have to wear in the winter months to keep warm.

Living in London, I feel like the city really comes alive during the winter months and I love how the lights glitter in the darkness, especially in central London. This year, I'm going to do my best and really enjoy every minute. I want to do at least one enjoyable thing a week using whatever time I have available. I need to learn to make more time for myself and spend more time with friends. I want to explore the city more and embrace the changing seasons. I studied an arts degree so I want to use my creative side more on this blog, take better photographs and organise them better. I'm my own worst critic, I want everything to constantly explain changed and improved. I feel like my photos don't look professional enough, that I don't spend more time taking perfectly planned photographs but I'm learning and I hope that my photography is improving, slowly, but surely.

Favourite Instagrammers - October

Yet another month has come and gone and my Instagram addiction is still going strong :) below are some of the lovely accounts that I've been loving recently and I've been njoyed following for various reasons, for example some of them love to travel, or love fashion and I like seeing what other people enjoy or what others are passionate about. All the images were taken using a simple Google search using the usernames detailed blow.

 

themagpiegirl

I adore Vicki's Instagram, it's so stunning photography it's amazing. She's currently pregnant and it's lovely watching her documenting her journey and what she's buying for the baby. She takes the nicest close ups of her homewares and decorations alongside her general lifestyle. Even the most basic photograph of a cake or a clock looks so fresh and interesting and I really do admire her 'country' style kitchen with its soft teal toned interior.

 

racheldarling_

Rachel's Instagram is definitely one to enjoy; I love the vintagey style of all of her photographs which also reflects her own personal style. A mix of landscape, interior and self portraits, her insta page almost transports you back to the 1950s. I love how dedicated she is to herself and her 'look'; her outfit posts are absolutely lovely as her clothes look so so beautiful. I have major wardrobe and figure envy, she defines the idea of the pinup era.

 

sophierosie._

Sophie manages to make a lazy day in bed or a visit to a coffee shop look interesting, somehow. Her page has a definitive style, of mostly crisp whites and high contrast, which I admire as I can never stick to a theme. She documents even the little things, like have a breakfast in bed or editing on her laptop. I love her soft and comfy interior style, with knitwear and cushions everywhere. She's proof that even the ordinary is extraordinary photography wise.

 

lucieloves 

This girl really loves to travel the world, as a result of that her posts are pretty addictive. She finds beauty in the smallest of details, such as tiled flooring, bricks or plants. I like how she takes photographs from interesting and unusual angles and has a clear taste for adventure. She's also very pro positive thinking and thoughts and posts positive life quotes fairly regularly across her feed, which if you do struggle with mental health does give you a push to keep on the right track to happiness.

 

underthehutch

Ffion's feed has a slightly hipster aesthetic about it; full of landscapes, sunsets and close ups of outfits. It's a bit of a random collection of photographs but I like that about it, there's no rigid theme and her selfies show how physically beautiful she is. Her cheekbones are very pleasing :) she often posts photos of of rabbits, cameras and her room which has photographs all over it, showing how much photography is a part of her life.

I need help.

 

After having a positive few days, sadly I've started feeling a bit rough and overthinking a lot again. I feel like I'm at a bit of a crossroads; I'm in two minds whether or not to completely overhaul my life. The trouble is, I'm constantly thinking 'what if?' And I feel a little trapped in my mind and in a cycle of life. As in, I feel like I need to change my job, but I'm afraid that I'll be making a bad decision... I'm worried that I'll miss my current job, even though I have good and bad days there and to be honest I feel like I should change, to have a change. But then is it worth to change if it's more or less for the sake of it? I guess many would say that I'm stuck in a rut and deep down, I do agree with that.

I guess the problem is not the job, it's myself, my mind. My mental health. It's bizarre because autumn is my favourite time of the year; I can say with certainty that I need to look after myself before I make any changes, even if I do long change. I think it's time to explore the idea of professional help, blogging has been good for me, as has making myself explore the city with my boyfriend but I think there's still a long way to go. Until then, I'm going to continue blogging and try and find peace in the outside world. I love photography and so I want to concentrate on what I enjoy rather than what I dislike, hopefully that will help for the time being. I'm sorry that it's a rather sad and confused jumble of a post, yet again.

 

Simple Pleasures

 

Now that September is over, it's nice to look back and enjoy the moments. Overall I've had a really good few months now, to the point that I'm looking forward to October (and beyond), to enjoying more simple pleasures. During this month I've realised that my favourite moments have been the least interesting. I want to spend more time doing touristy things in my home city; I want to visit more landmarks, galleries and museums and stop taking life for granted. I want to be more active in enjoying the life I live, not simply living it.

I haven't been to the cinema in literally years, so that's another things I'd like to do this month, I have no idea what to see but I'm sure I'll find something when the time comes. I've also realised how much of a foodie I'm becoming, so I'm quite excited to try new foods and eateries throughout this month. I'm definitely seeing a more positive side of myself, which can only be a good thing. Autumn in London is truly lovely, especially Greenwich Park with its crisp leaves and fantastic views that spread across the city. I like having picnics in the park as well, literally sitting back and relaxing with good company and watching the world go by. I want to watch the bonfire night fireworks with my boyfriend, as there's less tourists at this time of year so it's busy overall and therefore more space to explore! Here's hoping for a great month. :)

 

London Nightlife

 

I think that many people have a bit of a fear of walking around London at night, that it's dangerous (apparently especially for girls/women) and if I'm honest I used to be afraid. But now I actually prefer night time and there are several things that I plan to do in the city in the coming months. London looks so nice at night, with the skyscrapers lit up and the strange mix of old and new architecture visible from so many spots. One for the things I've really wanted to do for a few months is eat at a rooftop restaurant in Central London so that I can sit back, eat and take in the sights. In fact, I really want to explore new experiences, new eateries and dine with good company and watch the autumn days disappear into winter.

1. The Sky Garden

2. The Doodle Bar

3. Cahoots

4. The Basement Galley

5. OXO Brasserie

I feel as though I should be taking more opportunities to enjoy living in one of the best cities in the world, to take more chances to see things, do things and enjoy things. I want to spend more time with friends, the friends who stick by you through the good times and the bad; I intend to enjoy life more, enjoy doing things. It's better to live and not just exist and so I'm taking small steps to really try and live my life. I've spent so much of this year being desperately unhappy that I want to keep pushing for my happiness and keep feeling truly alive. If anyone has any suggestions for things to do, let me know in the comments :)

Beauty Favourites - September

 

1. Bourjois 1 Seconde Mascara - £11.99

2. Rimmel Wake Me Up Radience BB Cream (Very Light) - £7.99

3. L'Oreal Paris True Match Le Crayon Concealer - £6.99

4. Sleek Brow Kit (Light) - £8.99

5. Bobbi Brown Shimmer Brick Compact (Rose) - £30.50

6. Maybelline Colour Sensational Lipstick (965 Siren in Scarlet) - £6.99

A few months ago I used to literally cover my face in make up, to the extent that I would spend so much time and money on it and I felt disgusting if I didn't wear it. Now I wear much less and even leave my house and sometimes work without make up, which is a huge achievement for me (as pathetic as that sounds) but the products above are what I really feel are value for money; they last all day without reapplication, the lipstick survives eating and drinking and concealer and mascara just gives my natural face a little lift. Each of these products improves my confidence slightly, without making my face look caked in make up, which is why I've been loving them this month.

Favourite Instagrammers - September

Hello again! As you will definitely know by now, I am what many would call a complete Instagram addict, to the point where I scroll through the home page many times per day, just to ensure that I've seen literally everything that I can in from that day. I follow people that I know and that I don't, from all areas across the world. Every month I follow a few more people that catch my eye and I take a liking to. I've always liked seeing how other people live and their passions and instagram is a fantastic way to explore others visually. All of the images below are from a simple Instagram google image search, the usernames are detailed below the images.

 

katyannestuart

I really love Katy's photographic style and her Instagram is full of lovely autumnal coloured views of flowers, horses and herself. Her vibrant red hair makes her stand out, especially against the soft greens of the landscape. She definitely has a passion for florals, animals and fashion as well as anything in between. Plus, her wedding photos look so nice, complete with a dog and a beautiful river landscape. She's one of the people I followed recently but I really like seeing her posts.

 

sarah_nunn

Her love for travelling is what made me follow her, her effortless style and love for the beauty found in new places and the little things. I liked how when she's exploring she documents even the smallest of details, whether that is tiled or mosaic flooring, or simply landscape views of cliffs and the sea they're always nicely framed and make me want to travel more often. She also posts photos of food and drink, even basics like coffee somehow look super interesting and that's why I like her posts so much, the small moments are just as important as huge moments.

 

girlandcloset

A lovely lady living in Vancouver, her posts are always very foresty and rather whimsical, whether intentionally or not. Soft autumnal lighting and deep hazy sunshine makes her posts photographically so pleasing to see. This month I've really been loving her posts because she's definitely in tune with the Sedona, going pumpkin picking and documenting leafy woodland walks. Her love of nature really shines through in all of posts, even her outfit posts are taken outside and embracing the changing seasons wearing boots, jeans and comfy cardigans; Veronika is more than worth a follow.

 

littlevoiceblog

I love how Georgia documents all parts of her life, from new house keys, moving cities for university, her pets and her travels. Her posts are often pretty minimalist, with close ups of coffee cups, travel cards and books. That said, I like that she captures things from an unusual perspective; it's nice to see how other people see things. Her views of exterior architecture are both interesting and photographically beautiful, regardless of their unconventional framing techniques. Her captions to the images are always both sensitive and direct to the point, which sometimes are more interesting than the images themselves and the reason why I followed her this month.

 

shotfromthestreet

I recently followed Lizzy, and I don't regret it at all, I liked how she showcases both herself and her taste in fashion using the city as a canvas. However what I really liked is that the captions to her images, she talks about life, for example what books she's reading, her life and her travels, not only fashion. Her personal style is fairly androgynous but somehow classics and co-ordinates well with her 'Instagram theme'. Usually I'm not a fan of accounts with all images of the self but she's definitely made an exception to the rule.

The important things in life

 

I apologise in advance for what will likely be a strange topic to talk about so openly, but I feel like I want to talk about it, so here we are. I've spent most of the past seven years evaluating, reflecting and rethinking every little thing and ultimately, my conclusion was a consistent strive for happiness. During my teen years I assumed that pleasing others, for example actually attending school and passing exams, going to university would make me feel fulfilled and happy. I spent most of the past seven years more or less desperately unhappy, feeling isolated and alone.

I suppose that the bottom line was that I was looking for fulfillment in the wrong places; looking for friendships and craving a 'best friend', which to be honest I've never really felt like I've had. I was always exponentially jealous of anyone I saw having a best friend and craved that for myself. Alongside that, I never had a bursting at the seams kind of friendship group, and moving schools, living far away from others meant that I was a bit shit at keeping friendships. I hated sixth form and I hated university. I had a couple of shit relationships, one of which was so fucking demoralising to the point that I felt completely worthless.

Once I stopped looking for happiness and felt, I suppose you could say untroubled by the intense feelings of aloneness I somehow found happiness. I realised that I don't need millions of friends to make me happy. I have a handful of friends, and that handful make me happy whenever I'm surrounded by their company; be that a text, or a meal at a cheap as can be in a dodgy suburban pub. My best friend I found in someone I never looked for and on the surface have absolutely nothing in common with and yet we literally 'click', to the extent that I know I have found my forever friend. You'll always know the difference because of the people that look after you when you're down and celebrate with you when you're up are the ones that truly care and Amanda is the one friend I can call and know I'll always have support from, however terrible the situation I've landed myself into feels.

I've also found the one relationship where I'm slowly learning my worth. That it shouldn't be all give, you need to take as well. I'm actually an incredibly slow learner. I'm having to learn to listen and not just talk, to give love and receive. That having sex is actually about love and that you want that person, you want a connection with a person physically and mentally. Yes, I'm still having bad days or weeks (that's the side effect of having mental health problems, unfortunately) but it feels like slowly, but surely my life is getting better. They always say you find love when you're not looking and I would say that's true. Piotr has given me and love and stability that I never thought I would feel and his company makes me feel whole.

So the one thing that I've finally learnt is that you should never give up on life, never give up on the hope that one day everything will finally fall into place. Many things will go wrong on the way and if you hit the bottom then the only positive outlook is that 'the only way is up' and I've literally lived that to know that's true. I have absolutely no clue where my life is going but that's ok. I have two people who I can rely on every step of the way for support and that's all I need :)

Farmopolis @ Greenwich Peninsula

 

One lazy Sunday afternoon my mother decided it was appropriate to force me out of the house for something other than work. Considering I'd finished work at around 3.30am that same morning and had about 3 hours sleep, it took a lot of persuasion to encourage me to want to get out of bed and do something. Farmopolis is a new site, based on the old jetty along the riverside of the Greenwich Millenium Village in the Peninsula area. It's a new 'recycling' based concept and fairly unique in many ways. Essentially an urban farm and organic restaurant, at the moment it is incredibly aesthically pleasing with hundreds of scattered plants and flowers surrounding the buildings having been transported from the Chelsea Flower Show.

The reason for going was because my mother has actually booked us in for a jewellery making course, although not the regular kind... Instead of using traditional jewellery making materials, such as stones or beads we were using dried flowers. We each made a ring using a glue gun, a 2 pence piece and real flowers, (a mixture of dried and fresh) and were given the freedom to design the ring however we wanted. I loved the brightly coloured flowers and even the thistles, but somehow I ended up with a foresty green set of florals, a more natural choice of colours. Completely different to what I expecte, but I actually really enjoyed taking part in the workshop and would like to try this technique again as the rings are all so unique but so beautiful. The downside is that they don't last forever, unfortunately.

The ladies running the workshop were from Electric Daisy Flower Farm and often make flower based creations and decorations for weddings and I have to say that my favourite pieces are the floral hair crowns which would look lovely at a summer wedding or festival. The jetty was a nice venue to hold a jewellery making workshop as the balcony flowers from the Chelsea Flower Show were places all along the riverside and made for some lovely photos against the floral rings. Plus as you will all know by now how much I love walking along the riverside it was so relaxing to just sit and take in the view and be inspired by nature. Not a bad afternoon considering how little I wanted to leave my bed, let alone my house! It's a shame that summer is almost over, really. Until next time :)

The pressures of Education

 

I guess this post is following on from my last post, in a way, except more focussed on university than my overall education. From a young age it was drummed into my head that it was so important to attend university. When I was completing my GCSEs, it felt like all anyone ever talked about was how important exams were, how you had to do well, how they would affect your whole life... The list could literally go on forever. The pressure is immense and it seemed like no one wanted to discuss options outside of further study and so I chose to do A-Levels. During A-Level it was a similar mountain of pressure; however this time it was all towards pushing everyone towards the path to university. At my school it was almost a taboo to not attend university. On results day there were teachers everywhere begging those unlucky enough to have got shit grades to somehow manage to still attend university by pushing them through the clearing process.

I applied to university for a number of reasons; 

1. Fear of the Unknown (e.g the real world)

2. Studying was all I knew at that point

3. Pressure from friends, family, school

4. Future career prospects

I was so sucked into the school system I felt that it was something I wanted to continue studying and I thought that university was the way to go. As you grow older the dreaded question becomes 'what do you want to do when you're older?' Actually for me, this was a fairly simple solution. I wanted to teach art and so university seemed like the obvious choice to do so. In fact I was so sure that I would teach that I had already mapped out how I assume my life would be. Basically the plan was, do an art foundation year, complete an art degree and then complete a PGCE and then be a teacher. In reality, life is never easy and rarely goes in the direction that we expect.

I really struggled with mental health during my time at university and got little help other than 'just deal with it' from the majority of people, which really wasn't the most helpful form of input given to me. As a result of this, my grades did suffer and during my interviews for PGCE I panicked and probably came across as a massive trainwreck (which I probably was, looking back). However now, I'm actually relieved that my life didn't go plan; I learnt that the cliché 'everything happens for a reason' is a definite truth. I've realised that I don't have a passion to teach and I also doubt that I have the confidence or the mental strength to do so. However I do still want to engage with learning and I'd love to work in a museum or gallery.

I would say that the massive flaw within our schooling system in the UK at the moment is that many schools are desperate to hit their targets in terms of results and number of pupils being accepted into university that many students are missing out on information on other options. If I could go back and change my plans, I definitely would have looked into options outside of university, or at least taken some time out to fully decide what I wanted to study and learn more about myself before jumping in at the deep end. The immense pressure to succeed and consistently deliver is definitely something which many students at any learning level struggle with. Although I was always average, the pressure still existed; ultimately I've learnt as I've got older, average is me and that's ok. I just wish that the schooling system had encouraged me to accept that years ago.

Education; a blessing and a curse.

 

I would say that I received a reasonably good education, even if I went to one of the worst secondary schools in my local area. Let's be completely honest, most inner London schools at any level are not exactly seen as fantastic; many people would argue that unless you pay a significant amount of money you don't get a good education. From the age of 5-8 I went to a Church of England Primary School and hated the majority of my time there, mostly because I was bullied for most of the years spent there. Aged 8-11 I went to a school in the neighbouring borough and statistically it was the best school in the surrounding area. I was probably my happiest at school during this time, for no particular reason. I excelled and genuinely enjoyed learning at this point, possibly because I felt settled and had a good group of friends.

At 11 years old, I went back in the Church of England School system and although the school went from being statistically excellent to inadequate I did enjoy my time there. During this time I definitely found myself and my interest in art... In fact I never really did anything but art whilst I was there but it was actually comforting to be encouraged to do well at something I loved. The school itself was very regimented, even to the point the amount of stripes on your tie were counted as you entered the school gates and naturally I rebelled.

Unfortunately I'm one of those people who doesn't enjoy being told what to do, what to dress or how to behave and obviously at a strict school that doesn't go down well and I struggled to fit in with the expectations given to me through the 5 years I spent in secondary education. It was during my secondary years that I realised that I have more mental health problems than the average person but somehow I managed to pass all subjects, with my highest grade being A and lowest being a D. I had the potential to do better but lacked the necessary self control to do better. Basically, I focussed on subjects that I wanted to do well in and had planned to later study at A-level.

Moving on to sixth form, I would say these years were the worst two years of my life. I enjoyed my studies, actually. I studied English Literature, Art and Photography but ultimately I really struggled to fit in, having not attended the school before, everyone already had friends and no interest in including me in anything. Sounds strange but it ruined my confidence and definitely had a negative affect on my mental health and in all honesty I was just desperate for those two years to be over to move on and go to university. Since the age of around 14 I had been interested in perusing a career in teaching and so going to university was the obvious next step, and I somehow managed to pass my A-Levels with reasonably good grades and gain a place at university.

In all honesty I wasn't exactly overjoyed with the university I went to; it wasn't a university I applied to thinking 'I would love to go here', but out of 5 choices I was accepted into 2 and so I made the decision to choose whichever I preferred of the two. Looking back I actually regret not taking a gap year and re-applying to university, but at the time I was thinking, well next year the fees are increasing and I was determined to graduate with the least amount of debt that I could, to the point that I refused to consider to apply to universities outside of London, or even move out of my family home during university. As I chose to study Art, I had to first complete a foundation year and this was a year that I really enjoyed. I love being about to learn about all kinds of art and exploring what form of art suited me and what I wanted to persue. I passed my foundation with a B and I was actually so happy when I saw I got 100% in a photography module. During this year my mental health was at its most controlled and a that definitely shows through my results and how much I learned during that year.

After that I decided to study BA (Hons) Fine Art and I chose not to change universities because of financial reasons and having such a amazing time during the foundation year that I was genuinely excited for what laid ahead. During my first year at university, I really enjoyed the work and found that drawing and photography were my main interests. It was more difficult than most people would assume, as everyone that I knew outside of art college always had an assumption that art is easy, when actually I always had a literal mountain of work to complete, alongside essays. I passed the year with good grades and was looking forward to starting second year, having enjoyed the first.

Second year was where it all went a bit downhill; I struggled with my mental health again after the realisation that this course wasn't really what I had hoped. After discovering my love for drawing in first year, I then found out that drawing was not an option in second year and I chose to dabble in sculpture... However the kinds of sculptures that I created were not exactly typical sculptures and i had to argue my way a lot, which was a nightmare. I also began having panic attacks and struggled to speak out loud or voice my opinions. I debated dropping out many times, but I suppose what kept me going was not only the fear of 'failure', but also a hope that if I made it to the final year, that it was be better towards the end.

In all honesty, third year was strangely bittersweet. On the one hand, I realised that I absolutely detested the practical work. On the other hand, I realised that my dissertation was the most interesting part of the university experience for me and I'm still proud that I managed not to drop out and finish the whole four years, somehow. Throughout my education I was never top at anything, always slightly more remarkable than average but I never really achieved anything of importance. Now that I've finished education (unless my crazy self does eventually follow through with a masters) I can that my fear of failure still exists, albeit in a different context, but I'm not longer afraid of being average. In fact I've learnt that I have to accept it. It didn't matter how much or little was paid for my education, my grades wouldn't have been better or worse as it is dependant on me and not a financial situation.