The pressures of Education

 

I guess this post is following on from my last post, in a way, except more focussed on university than my overall education. From a young age it was drummed into my head that it was so important to attend university. When I was completing my GCSEs, it felt like all anyone ever talked about was how important exams were, how you had to do well, how they would affect your whole life... The list could literally go on forever. The pressure is immense and it seemed like no one wanted to discuss options outside of further study and so I chose to do A-Levels. During A-Level it was a similar mountain of pressure; however this time it was all towards pushing everyone towards the path to university. At my school it was almost a taboo to not attend university. On results day there were teachers everywhere begging those unlucky enough to have got shit grades to somehow manage to still attend university by pushing them through the clearing process.

I applied to university for a number of reasons; 

1. Fear of the Unknown (e.g the real world)

2. Studying was all I knew at that point

3. Pressure from friends, family, school

4. Future career prospects

I was so sucked into the school system I felt that it was something I wanted to continue studying and I thought that university was the way to go. As you grow older the dreaded question becomes 'what do you want to do when you're older?' Actually for me, this was a fairly simple solution. I wanted to teach art and so university seemed like the obvious choice to do so. In fact I was so sure that I would teach that I had already mapped out how I assume my life would be. Basically the plan was, do an art foundation year, complete an art degree and then complete a PGCE and then be a teacher. In reality, life is never easy and rarely goes in the direction that we expect.

I really struggled with mental health during my time at university and got little help other than 'just deal with it' from the majority of people, which really wasn't the most helpful form of input given to me. As a result of this, my grades did suffer and during my interviews for PGCE I panicked and probably came across as a massive trainwreck (which I probably was, looking back). However now, I'm actually relieved that my life didn't go plan; I learnt that the cliché 'everything happens for a reason' is a definite truth. I've realised that I don't have a passion to teach and I also doubt that I have the confidence or the mental strength to do so. However I do still want to engage with learning and I'd love to work in a museum or gallery.

I would say that the massive flaw within our schooling system in the UK at the moment is that many schools are desperate to hit their targets in terms of results and number of pupils being accepted into university that many students are missing out on information on other options. If I could go back and change my plans, I definitely would have looked into options outside of university, or at least taken some time out to fully decide what I wanted to study and learn more about myself before jumping in at the deep end. The immense pressure to succeed and consistently deliver is definitely something which many students at any learning level struggle with. Although I was always average, the pressure still existed; ultimately I've learnt as I've got older, average is me and that's ok. I just wish that the schooling system had encouraged me to accept that years ago.

Education; a blessing and a curse.

 

I would say that I received a reasonably good education, even if I went to one of the worst secondary schools in my local area. Let's be completely honest, most inner London schools at any level are not exactly seen as fantastic; many people would argue that unless you pay a significant amount of money you don't get a good education. From the age of 5-8 I went to a Church of England Primary School and hated the majority of my time there, mostly because I was bullied for most of the years spent there. Aged 8-11 I went to a school in the neighbouring borough and statistically it was the best school in the surrounding area. I was probably my happiest at school during this time, for no particular reason. I excelled and genuinely enjoyed learning at this point, possibly because I felt settled and had a good group of friends.

At 11 years old, I went back in the Church of England School system and although the school went from being statistically excellent to inadequate I did enjoy my time there. During this time I definitely found myself and my interest in art... In fact I never really did anything but art whilst I was there but it was actually comforting to be encouraged to do well at something I loved. The school itself was very regimented, even to the point the amount of stripes on your tie were counted as you entered the school gates and naturally I rebelled.

Unfortunately I'm one of those people who doesn't enjoy being told what to do, what to dress or how to behave and obviously at a strict school that doesn't go down well and I struggled to fit in with the expectations given to me through the 5 years I spent in secondary education. It was during my secondary years that I realised that I have more mental health problems than the average person but somehow I managed to pass all subjects, with my highest grade being A and lowest being a D. I had the potential to do better but lacked the necessary self control to do better. Basically, I focussed on subjects that I wanted to do well in and had planned to later study at A-level.

Moving on to sixth form, I would say these years were the worst two years of my life. I enjoyed my studies, actually. I studied English Literature, Art and Photography but ultimately I really struggled to fit in, having not attended the school before, everyone already had friends and no interest in including me in anything. Sounds strange but it ruined my confidence and definitely had a negative affect on my mental health and in all honesty I was just desperate for those two years to be over to move on and go to university. Since the age of around 14 I had been interested in perusing a career in teaching and so going to university was the obvious next step, and I somehow managed to pass my A-Levels with reasonably good grades and gain a place at university.

In all honesty I wasn't exactly overjoyed with the university I went to; it wasn't a university I applied to thinking 'I would love to go here', but out of 5 choices I was accepted into 2 and so I made the decision to choose whichever I preferred of the two. Looking back I actually regret not taking a gap year and re-applying to university, but at the time I was thinking, well next year the fees are increasing and I was determined to graduate with the least amount of debt that I could, to the point that I refused to consider to apply to universities outside of London, or even move out of my family home during university. As I chose to study Art, I had to first complete a foundation year and this was a year that I really enjoyed. I love being about to learn about all kinds of art and exploring what form of art suited me and what I wanted to persue. I passed my foundation with a B and I was actually so happy when I saw I got 100% in a photography module. During this year my mental health was at its most controlled and a that definitely shows through my results and how much I learned during that year.

After that I decided to study BA (Hons) Fine Art and I chose not to change universities because of financial reasons and having such a amazing time during the foundation year that I was genuinely excited for what laid ahead. During my first year at university, I really enjoyed the work and found that drawing and photography were my main interests. It was more difficult than most people would assume, as everyone that I knew outside of art college always had an assumption that art is easy, when actually I always had a literal mountain of work to complete, alongside essays. I passed the year with good grades and was looking forward to starting second year, having enjoyed the first.

Second year was where it all went a bit downhill; I struggled with my mental health again after the realisation that this course wasn't really what I had hoped. After discovering my love for drawing in first year, I then found out that drawing was not an option in second year and I chose to dabble in sculpture... However the kinds of sculptures that I created were not exactly typical sculptures and i had to argue my way a lot, which was a nightmare. I also began having panic attacks and struggled to speak out loud or voice my opinions. I debated dropping out many times, but I suppose what kept me going was not only the fear of 'failure', but also a hope that if I made it to the final year, that it was be better towards the end.

In all honesty, third year was strangely bittersweet. On the one hand, I realised that I absolutely detested the practical work. On the other hand, I realised that my dissertation was the most interesting part of the university experience for me and I'm still proud that I managed not to drop out and finish the whole four years, somehow. Throughout my education I was never top at anything, always slightly more remarkable than average but I never really achieved anything of importance. Now that I've finished education (unless my crazy self does eventually follow through with a masters) I can that my fear of failure still exists, albeit in a different context, but I'm not longer afraid of being average. In fact I've learnt that I have to accept it. It didn't matter how much or little was paid for my education, my grades wouldn't have been better or worse as it is dependant on me and not a financial situation.

Something a little different ● Using a film camera!

Hi Everyone!

So, this is a little bit of a random post, but nevertheless it is a post at least! I recently found an old film reel from when I was doing an Art Foundation - it pretty much sums up that year for me, (2011-2012) getting the district line regularly to and from university, Pippa on the tube, my house and trinkets inside it, the street I grew up on, redecorating the living room, my eldest cat, South London streets, more underground, working at the London 2012 olympics… It's also obvious I have a love for photographing trees, haha.

Overall, it was a pretty good year and an eventful one, and finding the film was so good as I thought I'd lost it. What I love the most about film cameras is that you never know what you might find until you develop the film, it's like playing a game of chance. My camera is a canon 5000 SLR that I bought on eBay for roughly £20 including the lens, so it was an incredible bargain really as they stopped making them in the early 2000s. I remember my Uncle having a similar camera when I was growing up and desperate to have a similar one, and during Foundation my childhood dream came true.

I've always had an interest in Photography, which really began during my A-Level; my sixth form had a darkroom and I'm fairly practised at developing the films myself, which I did with this set around two months ago at university. In truth, I'd forgotten about most of the memories on it, but what I enjoy about developing the images myself is that they're a little rough around the edges which kind of matches the images too, bizarrely. I always find that the colour on film is more saturated and richer, and the shadows more prominent. What I love most of all about film is how long and concentrated I am on capturing the perfect moment, whereas using digital SLRs I literally take thousands of photographs without thinking. It makes me more creative using film as there is no delete button, no second chances.

Every so often I delve back into film photography and relish the creativity of it which I feel I lack when using digital, and so when I'm at university I generally use film photography more for that reason, as I'm studying Fine Art. However, for this blog on the whole it will be digital, but I simply fancied experimenting with something completely different for this weeks blogpost, and also showing my more creative side. If you liked (or disliked!) this post, let me know with a few comments.!

See you soon, Rach x x x

Jo's Hen Sleepover Weekend!

This blogpost is a little different, I suddenly realised the other day how terrible I am at managing to post when I'm at work or university and so I'm trying to force myself to find time whenever I can! Last weekend, I attended a Hen Party Sleepover as my friend Jo's house in Farnham, Surrey along with 3 other bridesmaids (2 weren't able to make it) and had an amazing weekend off work as well as a banging headache for a few days! ;)

Therefore, how better to begin a weekend in the country than with a garden picnic?!

As the photographs demonstrate, we had strawberries/raspberries and cream, fruitshoots, coca-cola, fanta… As well as muller corners and doughnuts and chocolate… Perfect for a weekend off the diet! They have SUCH A LARGE GARDEN! Messy, but beautiful, it even had a steam, which for me as a Londoner is just unbelievable, ugh I'm jealous, except the lovely couple are moving to London very very VERY SOON! I adore the photo of the Bride-To-Be and teenage Sister-In-Law, it just is so so so so cute and really emphasises the feel of the whole weekend. Fleur is an adorable girl and really beautiful, Jo has found herself a good family there ha!

…Finally the other two maids arrived after getting stuck someone on the motorway, so we all had a bit of a selfie moment, as you can see, the weather is simply crazily hot at the moment, and the attic room didn't do much for the heat… In fact I think it was even hotter inside than out, but hey. Various games were played and sensible me decided to wear a white lace dress and sparkly silver heels to get in the mood to watch Frozen although I eventually missed it by falling asleep after having a few! Fleur and I wanted some chips and they were lovely but considering they were supposed to be a large portion, not enough and more like a small/child's portion from where I come from - rant over!

As the theme of the wedding itself is Rainbows, the rainbow balloons was a fabulous idea too, Rebekah should definitely become a Party Planner, never mind a vet! Overall the weekend was successful and it was great to meet the only maid I didn't know from years ago and spend some time with my favourite blushing Bride-To-Be; now I'm really geared up for the wedding as I can't make the next Hen as I'm working (boo hoo hooooooo) and fingers crossed I'll document the wedding on my blog too! Hope you enjoyed this post and stay tuned, Rach x x x

Summer Loving!

Hello everyone, apologies it has been a while once again since my last post! This features an element of my love/hate relationship with summer. I love the flowers and my garden but at the same time the humidity consistently gets to me and I'm simply one of those people that gets really flustered and overheated. These photographs were all taken in my garden, of my garden and featuring my baby dog Star...!

For the hot weather I can't help but dig out a pair of cool hippy pants in varying colours and patterns and a plain black or white t-shirt for a relaxed look. Make-up wise, I do rely on concealer, eyebrow pencil, blusher, eyeliner, mascara and an SPF lipstick for a bit of coverage and obviously sunglasses are a must. I bought these lovely Birkenstocks at a bargain price from my local TKMaxx and I was a convert literally straightaway, I love the bright pop of colour too, and they are study and stylish. Although this outfit isn't the most beautiful or stylish, I felt really confident, cool and comfortable in it, and for me, that's what summer dressing is really about.

I do appreciate a beautiful flower/plant although I must admit I'm not keen on the long watering/caring for plants at the end of the day but its annoying seeing Star rip up/play with/eat various plants that my nana grows! Talking of my nana, she made me these gorgeous camera earrings for my 21st birthday and I've worn them so so often ever since, they seem to work with everything and add a bit of my personality to everything I wear, they're a little quirky too which I adore. Do any of you have a specific piece of jewellery or outfit you immediately run to when you need a quick inspiration fix? Let me what you thought of this post via the comments too! See you soon, Rach x x x

[Sunglasses - ASOS; Crop T-Shirt - ASOS Petite; Hippy Pants - Doodah at Greenbelt Festival; Sandals - Birkenstocks @ TKMaxx; Leather Bracelet - Pandora; Earrings - Handmade by my nana.]

Getting back into Photography!

Hello everyone!

Apologies for the lack of blogging, I've had a rough couple of months with a few health problems too. However, now that I've finished university for the summer, I'm planning to get more into the swing of blogging and also take better photographs for this blog. (Making better use of my Art degree and my DSLR!) I've had an absolutely TERRIBLE weekend, definitely one of the worst in a very long time due to a variety of things beyond my control.

So, I decided to have a bit of fun with my camera and get back into photography and blogging for enjoyment rather than to simply pass my degree. Today's blogpost is inspired by my family garden along with two of my seven pets; the tortoiseshell cat, Willow (named after Buffy the Vampire Slayer's sidekick) is 10 years old and the Jug (Jack Russell x Pug hybrid) puppy is named Star and is the baby of the family aged just 1!

When I feel down, I'm trying to stay positive by going for a walk, or at least into fresh air alongside a spot of retail therapy… Obviously! So I'm working really hard to stay positive and literally cannot be so excited that this year at university is over, bring on final year! On a much happier note, I'm going to really work at improving my blog in every way and fingers crossed that by the end of the summer it'll be just like what I envisioned it would be when I made my new years resolutions all those months ago. See you soon, Rach x x x