Showing posts with label mentalhealth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mentalhealth. Show all posts

Friday, 21 December 2018

Monthly Playlist: November & December






Hello guys; the past couple of months have simply flown by for me! My boyfriend has started a new job and I’ve been working a lot, as well as enjoying some general me time. Part of me feels guilty for neglecting the blog, particularly as it was such a good outlet for me when I wasn’t feeling my best in terms of mental health but unfortunately sometimes life is for living and the extra work of writing and uploading blog posts was an extra something that I simply didn’t have any time for. Over the past couple of months I’ve noticed that I’ve been listening to music a lot less as I’ve been suffering with some painful tension headaches, so I’ve been preferring to read as opposed to listening to a variety of sounds. It feels like it has been years since I’ve not listened to music whilst on bus journeys but I needed a bit of a break. I have, however, been listening to the songs below on speakers which makes for nice background noise. Each of these songs brings to the fore a specific memory for me; do any of you have specific songs that you connect with a memory? I’d love to know that it’s not only me haha! Fingers crossed I’ll have sorted out my life enough to start posting more regularly on here again as I have missed it. Until next time! Xxx

1. Infra-Red - Placebo
2. Black Magic - Little Mix
3. Woman Up - Meghan Trainor
4. Don’t Look Down - Martin Garrix (feat. Usher)
5. For What It’s Worth - Placebo
6. One Thing - One Direction
7. Elastic Heart - Sia
8. With Ur Love - Cher Lloyd (feat. Mike Posner)
9. City of Angels - 30 Seconds to Mars
10. Payphone - Maroon 5
11. The Never-Ending Why - Placebo
12. What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction
13. Same Old Love - Selena Gomez
14. Animals - Maroon 5
15. This Is Me - Joe Jonas & Demi Lovato 


Friday, 19 October 2018

Book Review: Turtles All The Way Down




After reading countless rave reviews about this book, I decided to read it. Written in first person by sixteen year old Aza, we see everything through her eyes. Her life is fairly standard, although she lives her every minute haunted by a mental illness. From the outset, her life doesn't seem to be unbearably difficult as she has a caring, supportive mother and a best friend, Daisy who always makes time for her, even if she has to balance work and School work around Aza. In terms of School work, Aza never seems to struggle, actively completing homework and ensuring that she talks to her mother about how she feels whether at home or elsewhere. The meetings with her therapist were interesting to read as whenever she tried to explain how she was feeling both the inner voices in her head would reply and her therapist, which added to the understanding of how she must feel having to live alongside a constant inner muttering of unnecessary thoughts at every moment. Unfortunately, her condition makes her incredibly selfish, making it hard to sympathise with her at times.

The strongest part of this book was how realistically Aza struggled to live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder alongside severe anxiety and how this affected those closest to her. Although this was a secondary part of the plot, it was actually the most memorable thing; how her chance at dating was scuppered by her fear of germs and catching diseases; it did seem extreme but that is an honest portrayal of the Disorder. The lengths that she takes to limit germs and contact with others was difficult to read, particularly as the writing style showed her deepest, most difficult to handle thoughts. Describing her every day life, as a reader you witness her need to constantly check out articles on her phone relating to the spread of bacterial infections, how once a thought is planted into her mind the thoughts just get louder and wilder until she acts upon the irrational thoughts that demand an intense need for cleanliness and sanitiser. The little things, such as the cover of the novel representing spiraling thoughts of Aza's mind, the thoughts that she's unable to ignore, even when she wants to, really helps to demonstrate how possessive the Disorder can be.

The introduction of Davis, a childhood friend added another level to the story, alongside Daisy's relationship with Mychel; however I liked that the romance side of things didn't take over the plot. Davis and his younger brother, Noah find themselves in an uncomfortable situation that Noah in particular genuinely can't cope with; your heart breaks just by reading about his plight. Both boys are fragile, but unfortunately so is Aza and so the potential of a relationship between her and Davis seems like an impossible dream. Aza's condition make her completely and utterly self-absorbed, although unintentionally, which is why it is so easy to feel sorry for her; she adores her friends and family but her mind doesn't allow her to escape or relax. Daisy is the best friend that many people would dream of as although she can be harsh and at times cruel due to frustration at the friend she loves being so selfish, however intentionally. That said, Daisy is very supportive and does her best to understand Aza even at her worst moments, when Aza doesn't understand herself.

Overall, I found this book to be an interesting read; I have a bit of love/hate relationship with John Green's novels if I'm honest. His ideas are always excellent, although I feel like the execution could be better and that has thus far has unfortunately rang true for each of the books that I've read by the author at this point. The portrayal of living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and extreme Anxiety was beautiful, it was definitely the strongest part of the plot, as you were also shown how others respond to mental heath too, but in this case it literally took over the majority of the book. It was great to see a average teenager living through her mental health problems, but the execution of the plot felt clumsy, there was a lot of things going on; investigations, mental health, relationships... All in all, it was a good read as it portrayed mental illness both carefully and realistically, but the other themes were a bit confusing as they all mixed in together, although that could also because the reader sees into the narrators mind and that is how she sees the world. This book had a lot of potential, the writing was good, but not outstanding. As much as it was a compelling read, it was only a 3 star as the ending didn't wow me and I just had too many questions and not enough answers, sadly.

Friday, 28 September 2018

Monthly Playlist: September





Hello again guys; it feels to be blogging again, today I spent some time taking photos for some upcoming blog posts and I feel like I’ll definitely try to get back into the swing of it but this month has taken a lot out of me, for some reason. Mental health isn’t an easy thing, it’s not something that’s magically fixed and I feel very lucky to say that my life is going well at the moment so there’s no particular reason for why I’ve felt like shit, but it is what it is. I like to be honest with you, so here it is; life is hard and it’s a struggle. That said, soon there’s a new month which is always a good excuse to be more positive in general. I’m sorry that I’m posting this so late in the month, but it’s better late than never in a way. My music is strange as always, with a mix of artists, genres and styles all muddled in somehow. One of things that I love about using an iPod is that I can put my phone away, press shuffle on the iPod and just fall into the music and forgetting about using social media or anything like that. It’s a great way to disconnect and chill out a little bit. It’s starting to get a bit colder now and even though it’s far away, I can’t wait for Christmas time as it’s a great excuse to bring out the cheesiest music there is. Is it just me that loves a good bit of cheese? I hope you’re all well and I’ll see you again very soon! :)


1. One Thing - One Direction
2. Black Magic - Little Mix
3. Swim - Douglas Dare
4. Battlefield - Jordin Sparks 
5. Live or Die - Noah Cyrus & Lil Xan
6. Se Vuelve Loca - CNCO
7. Best Song Ever - One Direction
8. In the Name of Love - Martin Garrix & Bebe Rexha
9. Mi Mala - Mau y Ricky & Karol G
10. What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) - Kelly Clarkson
11. Say Amen (Saturday Night) - Panic! At the Disco
12. Ghost - Ella Henderson
13. Like I Did - Leadley
14. Chantaje - Shakira 
15. High Hopes - Panic! At the Disco

Sunday, 16 September 2018

Book Review: Holding Up the Universe




As anyone who has read my blog before will know; I do love Young Adult fiction and so after seeing this one hyped over on bookstagram pages I decided to give it a go .Focussing on two teenagers, Jack and Libby, the story develops as Libby head back into mainstream High School after taking two years out. Once known as America's Fattest Teen, as much as she has lost copious amounts of weight, unfortunately she's still a lot bigger than many of her classmates and so the teasing and name calling doesn't come as a surprise to her, sadly. Thanks to some rather unfortunate peer pressure, Jack gets involved in a nasty fat shaming prank that results in Libby sticking up for herself. In an attempt to not be called a coward by his friends, he ultimately becomes a coward in the eyes of the viewer and of Libby. Both he and Libby find themselves in group counselling together, alongside community service which neither are particularly happy about.

As the novel progresses, you do see their relationship begin to blossom; I liked how there was an initial connection between them that Libby wasn't aware of. It does make you appreciate his character a lot more, as to begin with I wasn't keen on him at all. That being said, there was nothing about this book that massively stood out for me; both Libby and Jack were defined by their conditions, Libby with her weight and Jack with his inability to recognise faces and they never seemed to develop much beyond that, which was a shame as they both had more potential. Of the two, Libby was more relatable due to her insecurities about her weight and looks in general, but at the same time she also seemed a little too confident at times for someone in her situation. Jack came across as a bit of an airhead, a stereotypical popular boy and I didn't feel any warmth for their growing relationship as it seemed quite forced as well as unbelievable at times. It sounds harsh but the whole two broken people falling in love felt a little overdone in this novel, which was disappointing as after reading All The Bright Places by the same author, I was expecting better execution.

Overall, I wasn't enamored with this book. The pace felt very slow, the characters not massively developed and the plot rather ill thought out. It was pretty offensive in terms of content, although the portrayal of Libby was a lot better than I expected, I wanted her to be more than just body image, teenage angst and aggression. This book isn't amazing, it's not the worst book that I've read but it's not the best, either. Niven's writing style is unique and that is what saved this for me; I do genuinely enjoy her style and the way that her text flows from page to page and chapter to chapter. However I do wish that her characters were less one dimensional as having read two of her books now I do feel like there is a formula to her work and that is disappointing. I want to see characters grow and develop, to become more than you expect and that just didn't happen. Jack was particularly uninteresting and selfish, I preferred his little brother which says it all when he's supposed to be a key figure. Based purely on the writing style, I rate this book 3 stars but it isn't one that I'd recommend. As I've said, I'm disappointed.

Friday, 31 August 2018

Monthly Playlist: August




Hello again guys; I’m sorry that I’ve been terrible at uploading blog posts this month but ultimately I wanted to have a bit of time out and basically look after myself a bit. I’ve had a batch of flu that stretched out into a cold for three weeks, which was horrible. However, as always I’ve been listening to my iPod to and from work, but I’ll admit that this months collection of songs is a little more strange (even for me) than usual, oops. As anyone who is familiar with my blog will know, I love listening to a range of artists, genres and songs at any time so my playlists can be fairly random but that’s how I like it. At the moment I’m loving Spanish & Latino songs as well as English songs as a little bit of culture never hurts anyone, haha. I’m hoping that next month will be better and so I’ll be posting more like usual, fingers crossed. In the meantime, I’ll be listening to these songs to get to work and back everyday! What songs are you loving at the moment? Let me know in the comments!


1. Crying for No Reason - Katy B
2. Suerte (Whenever, Wherever) - Shakira
3. Nota de Amor - Wisin & Carlos Vives (feat. Daddy Yankee)
4. One Kiss - Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa
5. Never Be the Same - Camila Cabello
6. Amor, Amor, Amor - Jennifer Lopez (feat. Wisin)
7. Only You - Cheat Codes & Little Mix
8. Rumba y Candela - Daddy Yankee
9. Mi Mala - Muy y Ricky & Karol G
10. Me Enamoré - Shakira
11. She Loves Control - Camila Cabello
12. If You’re Over Me - Years & Years
13. Like I Did - Leadley
14. Chantaje - Shakira
15. Love Lies - Khalid & Normani

Wednesday, 4 July 2018

Book Review: Salt to the Sea





A fictional novel depicting a real event; during 1945, hundreds of thousands of civilians were desperate, destitute and sick of war. Running through East Prussia, attempting to avoid the wrath of soldiers from both sides, this book uses a multi person narrative to describe the event from all sides. Four young people, different nationalities and situations. Joana is a Lithuanian nurse, headstrong, confident and a natural leader. Florian is Prussian, a mysterious man who is clearly attempting to slip through the net and is hiding a lot of secrets. Emilia is Polish, young, pregnant and alone - desperate to find safety and security in another country, outside of Eastern Europe. Alfred is German, a newly recruited sailor and a lover of Hitler’s regime. Each of them are boarding the ships across countries for their own reasons, but ultimately, each of them are determined to see the war end. Freedom from war is the ultimate dream for everyone in this novel. The text was laid out fairly easily, with the narrating characters name as the title of each chapter; to begin with, it was a little confusing as you need to engross yourself in the story to understand who is who. My favourite narrator was Joana; not only because she was incredibly astute and noticed even the littlest of details, but because she was genuinely caring. She was determined to help as many people as possible, regardless of their age, race or gender whilst attempting to stay alive herself.

As the novel developed, so did each of the narrators and their acquaintances; for example, Joana was with a group attempting to hide from soldiers in the forest and escape to the ports. Alongside her were a variety of others, an elderly man, a young blind girl, an orphaned little boy and a German lady who was convinced that everyone is a spy. Emilia was saved from a soldier by Florian, who instantly becomes her saviour, so she in turn shoots a solider in defence of Florian; the pair meet the other group on their travels and reluctantly tag along. Florian in particular is not at all comfortable in being within a group, although there are benefits to travelling in numbers. Alfred’s narrative differs a lot compared to the other three, mostly due to his being in letter form to a girl from home. Judging by the way that he describes his duties, he thinks a lot more of himself than anyone else does, including the girl he writes to; even in his letters to her, they’re always in his head. Arguably, this is a sign of mental illness. Not only talking to himself, about himself, but also convincing himself that the girl he is obsessed with returns his affections. Regardless of what each of them are internally suffering, the four young people are brought together entirely by the circumstance of war. Each of them has a secret, each of which is revealed after the plot begins to shape. From the first few pages, this book gripped me. The descriptions of their hunger, fear and determination made each situation that was thrust upon them so incredibly real and heartbreaking made this book an absolute page turner for me.

Each of the characters made their own sacrifices, for their own reasons, but Emilia was the biggest surprise of all. Three of them had good arguments for why they were fighting for freedom and their narrative wasn’t only interesting but allowed for information about ordinary people, how their lives had been devastated by war. The fourth narrative voice was so difficult to read at times, it was impossible to argue with their point of view, as it was just so wrong but understandably, it was an important part of why the war was ongoing and it also added another layer to the overall plot line. One of the reasons that this book was such a pleasurable read was that although it is historical fiction, it wasn’t overrun with facts or pushing history onto the reader. Yes, history had a massive part of the telling of this story and although it is ultimately fiction, this novel genuinely read as though it was truly real life although that is because of Sepetys’ beautiful variation of true events from a fictional standpoint. She mixed truth and fiction so seamlessly, if I didn’t know better when reading this book I could’ve easily believed that all of this novel was entirely factually accurate. Which is fantastic, really. That is exactly what you want when reading a historical novel, to feel as though you are there with the character, living, breathing and seeing everything that they are. As much as this novel was brutal, vicious and cruel at times, that is what made it so perfect as that is exactly what epitomises war.

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by how much this book caught my attention. I’d been meaning to read it for months and kept getting distracted by other titles, which I don’t regret, but I do wish I’d given this more of a chance at an earlier point. I cannot fault the writing style of Ruta Sepetys in this novel at any point; the use of four young narrators worked beautifully as each of them had their own issues, their own past and future to fight for as well as the way that she used fact and fiction to depict a harsh reality of war using only words. I loved the short, sharp chapters and often change of narrator, it kept each situation fresh, alongside the excellently executed ending. One of the reasons why I loved this novel so much was the additional explanation of the real life event that this book represented by the author; the fact that she had researched and contacted various museums, relatives and survivors of such a horrific event truly made me understand how hard that time frame must have been. For a Young Adult novel, this is a very intense version of events, although it is also realistic which isn’t a bad thing. It’s important to remember the past and this kind of book does history justice. I read this book in around a day, I cried, I forgot to breathe but as I’ve said many times before, I love a book that makes me think. This was easily a 5 star read for me and I’d recommend it for mature young adults and above. It doesn’t read like a YA novel, so if that genre is not usually your thing, give this book a try as I promise it will be worth it.

Saturday, 23 June 2018

Book Review: The Kite Runner




An emotional story of friendship, loss and betrayal, this book is an absolute roller-coaster of a read. Beginning in Afghanistan with the story of two young boys, servant and master, yet as close as close can be to point that they are almost brothers; Amir and Hassan are two young innocents, best friends but unfortunately from different social backgrounds. Amir's father often spoils Hassan, to Amir's annoyance, however age and wisdom often come hand in hand, as the boys eventually learn. Amir is a Pastun, Hassan a Hazara, often picked on for being so, alongside being illiterate. Determined to win their local kite flying contest, the two boys work together before one betrays the other and changes the course of their lives forever. The outcome of this betrayal will haunt one of the boys forevermore. Some have assumed that this is a biography of Hosseini's life, although it is definitely a work of fiction. However, Hosseini has taken inspiration from his own Afghan upbringing, so this story may unfortunately have been a reality for someone, somewhere, which is difficult to comprehend.

As war begins to tear Afghanistan apart, Amir and his father are forced to flee to America, a dangerous and terrifying journey, one that takes innumerable amounts of courage. As Amir ages, so does the narrative and we see him as an adult, working hard to survive in a new world and forever wanting to make his father proud. The move to America is an opportunity to start afresh, to reflect and improve on past mistakes. The novel has many themes running through its pages, such as immigration, sexism, racism, abuse and relationships, each of which are explored in depth. It is a painful story, one which is fast paced (as a reader you witness the boys grow from children to men in less than a hundred pages) but also one that portrays harrowing consequences for lack of loyalty to family and friends. Hosseini is an excellent storyteller, using the past, present and future to tell a story of a life which although is not necessarily one that you have experienced, is one that you can imagine. Every moment of this book feels true, even the most upsetting points of the story, which always an excellent element to any work of fiction. 

Ultimately, this is a novel about humanity, not about war or conflict; as Afghanistan in the modern day has become well known for its conflict, sadly, this what many will wrongly assume about this book. The movement of the ruling class and eventually the Taliban does play a massive part in some of this book, but the overall message is not based upon their atrocities, it based on what makes a man. As much as it as a difficult read, there was so much to love about this book; the understanding of love and trust, how Afghan people are proud and strong and how those who are loyal remain loyal for ever. The relationships within this novel are far deeper than at first glance, which only emphasises the bond of family. This is the kind of book that demands to be read, regardless of how much heartbreak is within its pages. This was a 5 star read not because it was easy, but due to the beautifully written story which grabbed my heart.

Wednesday, 20 June 2018

June Playlist




Hello again guys; I feel like I've lost my way with blogging a lot recently, although to an extent that is due to having replaced blogging as a hobby with reading, oops. I'm planning to get back into it over the next couple of months as I do miss blogging, but sometimes creativity needs a rest; plus I would rather blog less with good content than more with lacklustre content. This month I treated myself to a new iPod, a 16gb version which allows me to enjoy more music on the go without having to stress about internet or apps such as Spotify being on an iPhone; yes it's a bit old fashioned, but it works for me. I listen to music a lot when I'm making a journey, by bus, walking, etc. as I've found that it really lifts my mood. None of the songs listed below are in any particular order, they're simply the songs that I've found myself listening to constantly this month, I've been loving rediscovering old favourites at the moment alongside a couple of new loves. What songs are you loving at the moment? Let me know in the comments! :)

1. The Ballad of Mona Lisa - Panic! At The Disco
2. Finders Keepers - Mabel feat. Kojo Funds
3. Boom Clap - Charli XCX
4. This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco
5. Speakerphone - Rixton
6. Reggaetón Lento (Remix) - CNCO & Little Mix 
7. Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time - Panic! At The Disco
8. Unstoppable - Sia
9. LA Devotee - Panic! At The Disco
10. Crying for No Reason - Katy B
11. No One Ever Loved - Lykki Li
12. Golden Days - Panic! At The Disco
13. No Tears Left To Cry - Ariana Grande
14. Airplanes - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
15. The Good, The Bad and the Dirty - Panic! At The Disco


Tuesday, 5 June 2018

Valencia, Spain

Hello guys; I’m sorry that it’s been a while, but to be honest sometimes life is made to lived outside of routine. At the end of the month of May, I spent a week in Spain, more specifically in Valencia. The last time that I visited was fourteen years ago, so it was surprising how much of the main sights that I remembered from that previous visit, although that said, it was nice to have a proper camera to capture the memories on. One of things that I loved about where we stayed was that it was in a village rather than a town; a lovely way to see the area without feeling like a stereotypical tourist. There was a beautiful view of the surrounding mountains and rural countryside, which I enjoyed attempting to capture whilst on a walk every day, morning and evening. It was definitely better using my DLSR than my iPhone, simply because the colour range, depth of field and general tools made the image look as close to the view as possible, whereas my iPhone only managed to capture the overall details rather than the full details. Alongside visits to the beach, the town, local shopping centres and wandering the streets, one of my favourite sights that I visited during this trip was the Collegiate Basilica of Gandía. I read, slept and ate a whole lot during the week break and I have no regrets, even though I feel heavier than ever, oops. 

I said in a blog post right at the start of this year that I wanted to travel more, which I do feel as though I’m managing to meet that life target, having explore two countries this year so far and looking to end of this year and beginning of next year, there are three more countries ready to explore in my plans. Spain is a country that I wasn’t desperate to visit, as I have visited before, but having now revisited, I can say that for sure I would like to explore the country further; there’s something lovely about the people, the food, the sights and the lifestyle in general that appeals to me. I enjoyed exploring the streets, the markets, the central squares and seeing little independent shops and cafés at every corner, but ultimately I loved the slower pace, the chilled atmosphere. My favourite pastime was watching the sun set over the mountains, which I spent literally days attempting to capture correctly on my camera; there was something so calming about sitting and watching. I have a habit of trying to do too much of everything, such as work, blogging, reading, etc and so it was nice to slow myself down and simply appreciate life. I didn’t do as many of the tourist-like things that I generally wold when exploring as I was travelling with an older (and physically disabled) person, but actually I didn’t mind too much. It was nice to slow down and enjoy company the world rather than tick off a list. I’ve definitely caught the travel bug now. Until my next trip!







Wednesday, 23 May 2018

May Playlist




Hello again guys; I feel like I’ve really lost the plot with uploading posts to the blog recently for no particular reason. However, in my day to day life, I do still love listening to music for whatever reason; whether it’s a journey to work or the shops, getting ready after a shower or simply to settle down and relax. If you’ve read my blog before, then you’ll definitely know that I’m open minded when it comes to musical genre; I listen to more or less everything as well as languages other than English too (even if I don’t understand) as I just love the way that music can make you feel even if you don’t understand a language. There’s just so much to love about music. At the minute I’m enjoying positive, upbeat songs and in a way that matches my current good mood - over the past few months my mental health has really improved and listening to positive songs really helps to add that extra something into my everyday life. The list of songs below aren’t in any particular order, they’re just the fifteen songs that I’ve listened to the most over the past month. What songs have you been loving this month? Let me know in the comments! :)


1. Howl - Florence & The Machine
2. We Can’t Stop - Miley Cyrus
3. Five Colours In Her Hair - McFly
4. No Tears Left To Cry - Ariana Grande
5. Crying in the Club - Camila Cabello
6. Touch - Little Mix
7. Unstoppable - Sia
8. What About Us - P!nk
9. Pillowtalk - Zayn
10. Échame La Culpa - Luis Fonsi & Demi Lovato
11. Reggaetón Lento (Remix) - CNCO & Little Mix
12. Crashed The Wedding - Busted
13. Come & Get It - Selena Gomez
14. Now - Paramore
15. Shape of You - Ed Sheeran


Tuesday, 15 May 2018

Book Review: The Sun and her Flowers



After surprising myself by loving Milk and Honey, it made sense to read Rupi Kaur’s second collection of poems. This time the collection is segregated into five parts; ‘wilting’, ‘falling’, ‘rooting’, ‘rising’ and ‘blooming’, clearly intending to explore the notion of love in all of its forms. One of the reasons that I love Kaur’s work is that it feels so intimate due to her not only writing the words, but also providing the illustrations, allowing further insight into the workings of her mind. It’s easy to see why her poetry has been such a literary sensation as the contents are relatable to an incredible extent. This collection, The Sun and her Flowers isn’t a direct continuation of Milk and Honey, but ultimately some of the themes are very similar. For example, love is a clear outlier from the offset, alongside the similarities in both her writing and illustrative style throughout both books. However, Kaur’s style has definitely evolved; there are fewer short poems and more in depth explanations of situations and feelings, joined together but visual and literal techniques, although there were moments where I felt that the poems didn’t flow as well as I would expect. Her visual style is definitely minimal, tumblr-esque and constrasting between soft, flowing illustrations alongside typed, rigid words. The overall theme running through this collection of poems is ‘love’, although the notion of love is a tricky one; it’s not just one thought or feeling, which is displayed through Kaur’s descriptions of heartbreak, loss, sexuality, grief and empowerment are only a few of the ideas that shape this collection.

The exploration of the self, ones ancestry and feminism are all themes that can be understood by anyone, although as a woman myself I find many parallels between her feelings and my own. Having never felt wonder about my own culture, I loved reading about how her roots have shaped her life; it was interesting to read her perspective on growing up as an immigrant, something which was mentioned a little in Milk and Honey, but receives more attention in The Sun and her Flowers. The growth of child to woman is something that was beautifully transcribed throughout the poems, alongside that that of heartache; both of these themes explain the difficulty of life, how it is not always easy which is presumably why so many have loved this collection as it hits home truths hard. Kaur is as fearlesss as ever in her portrayal of her life; this is a very personal text, using past experiences to replicate into words on a page. ‘Rising’ was the part that hit home the hardest for me, a positive message of overcoming issues and finding confidence. There is definitely relatability for the majority of people within this text, but as I’m currently in a good place, ‘rising’ was the part that I found to be the most influential, the part that encouraged me to think further. Some of the smallest poems from this collection read more like statements, which I liked. One of the things that I’m starting to like about poetry is the opportunity for creativity; no two poems have to be same, read the same or convey the same message or have the same intention. The use of fluid illustrations allow for further creativity, as well as adding another perspective to each of the poems, although I must admit the illustrations are what make me love Kaur’s works so much.

The thing to remember whilst reading this collection of poems is to not compare this book to her first book. Yes, the themes are similar, as are the illustrations and the writing style, but ultimately they are separate entities and need to be read as such. Overall, I did enjoy this collection of poems and many of themes and situations I could fully empathise with; one of things that I love about Kaur’s poetic style is that it’s so relatable and personable. In all honesty, I did prefer Milk and Honey, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy The Sun and her Flowers. It was dark, difficult and brutally honest in places, showing a lot of negative imagery; alongside loving, sexual nature and the world in a positive light with more imagery. This is not a book that is easy to read per se, but it has a very specific outcome, through stylised, simplistic poetic style and beautifully juxtaposed illustrations. There were some excellent comments that explored immigration and ancestry, which is always an interesting read. I loved the down to earth way in which Kaur describes her life and opinions, it feels real but unfortunately I felt that the structure of this collection of poems didn’t have such a solid foundation as her previous collection did, although it didn’t make it any less of an enjoyable read. For me, this book was a good read so an easy 4 stars as th e were so many elements that I really liked but ultimately there was just something missing for me that made it miss the final star. I’m looking forward to exploring poetry a bit more over the next few months. What are your thoughts on this book?


Friday, 11 May 2018

Amsterdam, Netherlands

Hello guys! I know that I’ve previously spoken about wanting to explore the world on the blog, as my goals for this year heavily featured wanting to travel and capture memories for years to come. For a few days in April, I celebrated my 25th with my boyfriend in Amsterdam and it was such an experience; after having some issues with the original hotel, we ended up staying in a completely different place and not quite in Amsterdam, but in the overall region so it was easy enough to travel into the center with minimal hassle. As much as I’d read up about the city, I do feel like it’s definitely a busy city to the point that even as a Londoner I was a little overwhelmed! Two things: bikes and strange road layouts. Being from London, I’m used to seeing bicycles but this was to the extreme! Literally thousands of bikes line the streets and because of Holland using left hand drive I was so confused by simply crossing the road at times because of bikes, people, trams and buses being seemingly everywhere. I feel like myself and Piotr managed to pack a lot of activities into 4 days but at the same time, I do wish we had seen more as there’s just so much to see and do in Amsterdam. That being said, I don’t think I’ve taken so many landscape photographs in months; everything about the city just transfers so well into imagery, perfect for good memories!

Arguably the best thing that we did was a Canal tour at sunset; it was such a lovely way to see the city and it was great to hear about the city from a local guide as you learnt not only about Tourist hotspots but also everyday life. We also visited the Rijksmuseum, Tulip Museum, Van Gogh Museum, Red Light District, Sandvoort Gallery (inside Amsterdam Centraal Station), Cheese Museum and the Hash, Marihuana & Museum and Gallery. It doesn’t sound like much, but honestly it felt like a lot alongside various cafés, restaurants and wandering the streets. The Library in the Rijksmuseum literally took my breath away, as did Odelle’s dollhouse, the inspiration for one of my favourite books, The Muse. The museums in general were insanely good. I was disappointed that we couldn’t visit the Anne Frank House as there were no tickets available, but that does feel like a good excuse to revisit the city again as Piotr fell completely in love so I know that we’ll definitely be visiting the city again at some point. We were also there for Kingsday, a celebration of the Kings birthday which results in a massive street party in the centre of Amsterdam with street performers, dancing, drinking, music and more. It was an experience to say the least; the Dutch definitely know how to party hard, whereas I just found it exhausting! The city is so photogenic and there is so much to do that it was completely worth the ridiculous price of food, attractions and travel but if you do visit the city, try and take more money than you’ll think that you will need as it is very expensive, unfortunately. It was a lovely way to spend my birthday and spend time with Piotr; however I’ve definitely caught the travel bug so I can imagine travelling a lot more over the rest of this year, which I’m not sure my bank balance will love, haha. Until my next trip! 







Monday, 7 May 2018

Beauty Review: L’Oréal Paris Paradise Mascara

Hello again guys; it feels like a while since I’ve done a beauty related review. Over the past few months I’ve worn make up a bit less (or less make up, at least) however it definitely feels like time for a new review. There was so much hype surrounding this mascara on blogs, YouTube and simply in general that I felt like I just HAD to buy it. The mascara that I’m reviewing today is the L’Oréal Paris Paradise Extatic Mascara in the shade 01 Black. Priced at £11.99, it is a more expensive drugstore mascara however the packaging does also match that; with a rose gold cardboard outer that reminds me a lot of Benefit packaging, this mascara is definitely marketed and aiming for the drugstore high-end and it does look absolutely lovely. The actual mascara packaging is just as nice as the cardboard outer with the main body in a matte rose gold and the lid is a shiny rose gold with constrasting white typeface across the main body with the mascara name. At first glance, I wouldn’t have guessed that this was a L’Oréal product, visually it is very different to their other mascara ranges, a couple of which are shown in my photographs below. As much as I love the packaging, I do feel like this is a lot of money to drop on a mascara, but as I wear mascara more or less everyday I guess that isn’t too much but it is more than I would usually spend, to be honest.




One of the reasons why I was so excited to try out this mascara is that it has been constantly compared to the Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara, which is a product that I’ve personally never tried but have always wanted to. I did have some reservations as generally I do prefer plastic bristles on a mascara wand and this mascara has a soft fibred wand which I do find harder to work with but that said, I do have naturally full, long lashes so any wand does the job for me. The outer packaging boasts that this mascara gives Intense Volume and Spectacular, Long Lashes as well as being a Pleasure to Apply. Basically, a lot to live up to as all of those things sound pretty desirable. Personally, I like my lashes to look very full, separated and long; I love it when a mascara is visibly on my lashes and very dark black to stand out against my green eyes.




The wand is a fairly unusual shape; a curved hourglass shape, it is larger at the top and bottom and thinner in the centre so should be great at opening up the eye shape and lengthening the edges. Below it is the mascara wand on the left side, the centre mascara is Maybelline Lash Sensational and the mascara to the right is Maybelline The Colossal Big Shot, pictured together to demonstrate the clear differences in mascara wand shape, size and material. Personally I’ve found that plastic bristles grip to my lashes better than fiber bristles, but I can work with either kind if I have to. I was a little disappointed that the wand on the L’Oréal Paris Paradise Extatic Mascara is fiber as I was expecting a plastic wand (not sure why I thought that...) but I’m dreaming of long, full lashes with this mascara regardless of the less preferred style of wand. Generally, I am quite a messy applier of mascara and this wand is pretty thick, so unfortunately I’m expecting a very messy look with this mascara; I’m terrible for having an unsteady hand whenever I apply mascara, oops. I’m hoping that this mascara won’t be a regret as I do feel like I was drawn to buy it due to all of the hype that surrounded it, but I’m planning to try it out everyday for a week with a number of different base looks to give it a fair chance as although already I’m having some reservations, I do want to be impartial to start with. Plus, the packaging is stunning so there is that to be positive about!




The formula is very thick, which I like in any mascara as that helps create a fuller look when on the lashes. However, it’s also a very dry formula which makes it difficult to work with; once it’s on the lashes that’s it. It doesn’t budge. In theory, that could be great, but for me that is an absolute nightmare because as I explained previously, I’m a very messy mascara applier; I need time to work the mascara into my lashes to achieve the shape that I like (long, full and separated; basically real lashes that look fake) and with this formulation that was impossible. The shape of the wand was actually pretty nice, I just wish that it was a plastic bristled brush as I feel like I could’ve worked with the mascara much better that way but obviously this was never going to be my favourite mascara because over the course of a week, I felt like chucking this mascara in the bin. As I’ve said, the mascara doesn’t budge once it’s on the lashes; it literally doesn’t budge to the point that it’s so hard to take off at the end of the day it hurts. I felt like I was pulling out my lashes each day, which is a definite dislike for me. This isn’t even the waterproof version, it’s the standard one! It looked nice on my bottom lashes but on the top... They just looked short and stubby, clinging to each other and overall I’m just not a fan. It’s not the worst mascara in the world, but it’s definitely one that I’ll never be reaching for ever again. 




The packaging is simply beautiful, but that’s not enough to make me want to give this mascara another chance. I hate the formula and the way that it makes my eyelashes look; for £11.99 I was expecting it to be so much better. In all honesty, I’ve used £3.99 mascaras with better results so I’m super frustrated with what I’ve spent for what I’ve got. In fairness, I do prefer plastic bristles so that may be one of the reasons why I hated this mascara so much as the fibers didn’t seem to grip my lashes fully, but at the same time I do love some other mascaras such as the Maybelline The Colossal Big Shot and that has a fiber brush so perhaps it’s more an issue with the dryness of the formula. I definitely won’t be using or buying the L’Oréal Paris Paradise Extatic Mascara again and that’s a bit of a shock for me as usually I love L’Oréal products so I’m genuinely really disappointed as it was more than I would usually spend on a drugstore item. I also hated how difficult it was to take off when needed; my lashes actually hurt so much after scrubbing at them with micellar water, make up wipes... Not impressed. I’d give this mascara a 2 out of 5 simply because the shape of the wand was nice and the packaging is lovely, but the price is too much for the quality. Let me know your thoughts on this mascara in the comments!


Sunday, 29 April 2018

Book Review: Still Me




The third and final instalment in a series that I have loved. Both Me Before You and After You easily make it onto a list of my favourite books, although for very different reasons. Louisa Clark is an incredibly lovable character as she’s so imperfect, yet always manages to stay true to herself, with her wacky outfits and clumsy ways. There’s a part of me that is so, so sad that this is the last time I’ll read about her with fresh eyes. The first thing that made me love the beginning of the book, where she embarks on a new life, a new start in New York of all places, was that she references her commitment to Will by saying yes to new opportunities. The series has always been haunted by Will’s decision to end his life, so it was a nice ode to him that Lou has kept her word, living her own life to the fullest. That being said, it’s hardly a surprise that Lou struggles to adjust to life in New York as the family that she works for is so incredibly rich that to go anywhere includes a limo or taxi ride - a very different world to what a down to earth suburban girl is accustomed to. It’s important to remember that although she was living in London, the city is very different to New York; for a start, those in the USA tend to take everyday fitness incredibly seriously, something that Lou definitely struggles with.

One of things that I absolutely love about Lou is her bravery and commitment to everything that she does; even though she struggles to keep up with New York life and manage her long distance relationship, in a world of secrets and lies. She loves Sam, but she also begins to love her new life, her job and all of the experiences she is having. She’s a modest person, believing that by being brave she’s doing exactly what Will would’ve wanted her to do, but in reality, yes he would be proud of her, but the experiences she’s having are a result of her own doing. She is shaping her world for herself, by herself. As much as she’s taking more chances and saying yes to more things, she’s still the same clumsy girl and that is what makes her so lovable and definitely relatable. Her personality literally shines through the page, she’s the kind of character that manages to feel like a friend; each book that I’ve read about her has been different in terms of place, relationships and even country yet she never changes, always staying true to herself. There’s so much to enjoy reading about as her adventures are always both believable and hilarious as well as sad, however I prefer seeing her plough through life without a care in the world, with her quirky fashion sense and understanding of what she does and doesn’t like. As much as it was lovely to see her thrive in New York, strike up a good relationship with her employer, get physically fit and embrace her new way of life, I actually love her best when she’s dealing with difficult situations and finding her own two feet on her own. Louisa is so strong, yet lacks so much self confidence and that it what makes her stories so lovely to read; she’s so normal yet so beautifully quirky!

I loved how this book started at one point, then developed further, with Louisa starting off in one job then slowly changing various elements of her life, from her relationship, to her friendships and even her confidence begins to change. Her friendship with Margot is a beautiful one; it showcases how age is simply a number and how an older woman can be the best influence on a young, broken woman. It was a pleasure to see them help each even though they’re from entirely different backgrounds, countries and ages there is always some common ground, something that places people together for a reason. Both of the ladies love fashion, which added another level to their friendship. Age is just a number may be a cliché, but in the case of Lou and Margot it definitely is true; like only true friends can, they argue, they sulk but ultimately they’re always honest with one another and it was great to see an older female character shown as good influence. Margot was just as influential for Lou as Will was, way back in Me Before You. She injected a dose of reality, a reminder that life can be hard but you can always find a kind, loving and supportive person wherever life happens to lead you. Relationships are at the heart of this series and something that Jojo Moyes depicts incredibly well; whether it is platonic or romantic, there is a healthy dose of realism relayed through description and conversation in this book - just as in reality, relationships don’t always work and life isn’t always easy. Louisa Clark is an easy character to love because her personality just shines through pages and words to the extent that she literally feels like reading about an old friend rather than simply a character. Even reading about her family felt familiar, how they love each other whilst constantly bickering. 

Overall I’m torn about this book; on one hand, I loved it. It felt like the perfect ending to Louisa’s adventures, but ambiguous enough that her life would be easily revisited, which is also exciting. However, the question on my lips even as I bought this book was ‘is it necessary?’ due to After You being so different from Me Before You and so I expected (rightly) that Still Me would be difficult once again. Although as a reader, I didn’t feel like I needed to find out what has happened to Louisa and some of the other characters, but at the same time I wasn’t disappointed as this novel did live up to my expectations. As I’ve already mentioned, I love this series because it feels real; there’s nothing extraordinary about Lou, yet she has a beautifully written character that makes you wish she was your friend. She’s clumsy, funny and never seems to know what to do, yet she manages to work her way through life doing the things that she loves, surrounded by the people that she loves. Each book in this series has been different; although the characters are familiar, the situations are always different and it’s also nice to see realistically how life continues regardless of tragic or difficult events. However, personally I liked that each book felt like a standalone novel, rather than simply the same storyline. One of reasons why I’ve loved this series so much is how realistic it reads; Lou genuinely feels like an old friend at this point. This book was a solid 4 stars; it wasn’t my favourite of the series but regardless I devoured it and so I’d recommend it if like me, you’ve fully committed to the series and it’s characters. It was a pleasure, as always.



Sunday, 22 April 2018

April Playlist





Hello again guys; I feel like I’ve lost my way a bit in terms of blogging recently and I’m not even sure why if I’m honest. It’s not that I don’t enjoy blogging anymore, it’s actually because I just never seem to find the time to finish off posts how I would want to (I’m a bit of a perfectionist haha) or I’m just not taking photos in good enough light. Basically, I need to get more organised. However, I am happy with how my life is at the moment; I’m reading more and more, plus having a better social life overall is making me feel super positive. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been listening to music mostly as I walk to and from the bus stop on my way to anywhere. I find that when I’m listening to music I walk faster, at a more controlled pace and I simply enjoy the (smallest amount of) exercise within my day. As I’ve said before, my music taste is very broad; I listen to a variety of artists, genres, languages at any one time. I’m constantly making new playlists on my iPod, too. I love using an old school iPod rather than my phone because I feel like it’s so much more intuitive and user friendly; I don’t even have to look at the screen to change the song, it’s all in the click wheel. I don’t listen to music as often as I used to as I’m reading more often instead, but that’s ok. None of the songs listed below are in any particular order, they’re simply songs that I’ve been listening to constantly over the past month. What songs are you obsessed with this month? Let me know in the comments! :)


1. Speakerphone - Rixton
2. Devuélveme Mi Corazón - CNCO
3. Come and Get It - Selena Gomez
4. My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson
5. What About Us - P!nk
6. We Don’t Talk Anymore - Charlie Puth (feat. Selena Gomez)
7. Ain’t It Fun - Paramore 
8. Strangers - Sigrid 
9. Échame La Culpa - Luis Fonsi & Demi Lovato
10. One Thing - One Direction
11. Para Enamorarte - CNCO
12. I’m Yours - Alessia Cara
13. Touch - Little Mix
14. Havana - Camila Cabello (feat. Young Thug)
15. We Can’t Stop - Miley Cyrus


Sunday, 15 April 2018

Book Review: Milk and Honey



   
Generally, I’m not a poetry fan; however with this collection of poems I decided to give into the hype and give this book a try. In all honesty, this book is the tumblr and instagram hipster prop of dreams so I wasn’t really sure what to expect. As a woman, I am a feminist. One of things I loved about this collection of poems is it’s femininity, realism and honesty. Using not only words but visual illustrations to further elaborate across many pages, the collected words really drew me into the soul of Rupi Kaur. Within the poems there was a lot of negative imagery surrounding themes of abuse, violence, sexuality and loss. As much as I devoured all of the poems, I wouldn’t say they were anything out of this world but I loved how relatable each of the parts were for me. Divided into four parts, ‘The Hurting’, ‘The Loving’, ‘The Breaking’ and ‘The Healing’ which was a self explanatory cycle of poetry imitating the cycle of life and emotions. Each part explored a variation of the themes I’ve already mentioned, although having the collected poems split into smaller chapters worked really well - it made it much easier to understand what topics were being covered in what chapter. Kaur takes the reader on a journey of her life in this collection, which makes you feel so connected to each and every poem, knowing that someone else has loved this.

I do feel like this collection of poems lived up to the hype for me; I’d say that this is likely because I began to read the poems with minimal expectations as I’m not overly familiar with poetry (or more specifically, reading poetry for my own enjoyment). I admired the honesty that seeped through each of the poems in all of the chapters, although the poems under ‘The Hurting’ were unsurprisingly the most difficult to read due to their harrowing nature; abuse of any kind is always hard to swallow and some of the depictions of sexual abuse in particular although in beautiful prose were difficult to read. Whether it is a subject that you’re personally familiar with or not, what the poems do is encourage you to think, to wonder and understand the kinds of battlegrounds that bodies can be for some people. For as much as bodies shouldn’t be a battleground, but a instead a celebration, there are situations and circumstances why some have issues with their bodies. Poetry is a subjective form of art and literature, in all honesty I can understand why this collection of poems has been so widely loved and so widely criticised; it’s not for everyone. It is a literal and visual journey of some of the best and worst moments of a persons life, which can be hard to contemplate. It’s easy to read words without meaning, but difficult to read with feeling. However, it is incredible that Rupi Kaur is so fearless within her chosen art form; each word is so carefully chosen, yet somehow extremely personal whilst remaining impersonal. 

The four parts give an understanding to the idea of survival; that even after a variety of bad times, there are always good times ready to experience. The splitting of various life experiences into multiple poems and ultimately four distinct parts that represent feelings worked well but also added another layer of sincerity to her writing. Although there were elements of chaos within the text, it was organised chaos; loose ends were neatly tied up and each poem (long or short) provided a specific meaning that added to the overall feel to the collection as well as carefully fitting into the themes laid out throughout the text. The poetry varied in length from a few words, to multiple pages, making each poem work as a stand-alone piece or part of the overall collection. Part four, or the ‘The Healing’, was arguably the most interesting to read, as everyone heals differently so it was definitely her perspective, her own process. Each of the parts tells it’s own story, using a variety of poetic techniques to do so; one of the reasons why I liked this collection of poems was the range of feelings seeping through the pages. We see feelings of hope, hate, love, shame and more. Feelings are such an inexplicable part of life, as much as some of the content was uncomfortable to imagine, it was easy to empathise, to invest yourself in Kaur’s storytelling, the narrative of her life.

Overall, I loved this. Not because of the hype surrounding it, or the hipster/tumblr/instagram youths who so often use various lines or stanzas alongside imagery to represent their own feelings. I’m aware that is a total stereotype, but honestly that is where I’ve seen most of the interest surrounding this book within the online world. This collection of poems felt like more than just a book as it is more creative than that; fully written and illustrated by Rupi Kaur, I loved how some of the poems were so subtly phrased, with carefully hidden meanings within the words openly declaring their meaning via some fairly graphic illustrations of sexual abuse, of pleasure, of the body, the world and more. Each emotion, each poem and each illustration conveys just how brave Kaur is; unafraid of the truth, never hiding from the pain of life, or hiding from the experiences life grants each individual. As I’ve said previously, I’m generally not a poetry lover, although that’s likely due to being forced to study only certain poetry, not poetry of my own choosing in the past. I would recommend reading this book, not to see if it lives up to the hype, but to change up your reading habits; try something new and indulge in another’s journey of life through lines, stanzas and illustrations. This is a collection of poems that I will not forget, each poem hit me with a different emotion, thought and even unintentional relatability. There is something for everyone in this collection, but I admit that it’s definitely a book that not everyone will enjoy, although for me it was easily a 5 star read.


Monday, 9 April 2018

Beauty Review: MakeUp Revolution x Soph Eyeshadow Palette

Hello again guys; after having such a success with the highlighter palette, I decided to bite the bullet and splurge (against my usual budgeting habits) and invest in the MakeUp Revolution x Soph Eyeshadow Palette. In all honestly, I’m not a massive lover of Eyeshadow, I find it all a bit of a faff... Plus I always seem to end up looking like I’ve got a black eye whenever I try anything new, so purchasing this was a big step for me! For £10, it does look and fell like good value for money as the palette itself feels sturdy to touch and I love that it includes a large mirror in the lid; one of things that I wished the highlighter palette included was a mirror, so that was a welcome inclusion. The cardboard outer packaging is cute, although the watercolour effect is a little pixelated in person, but the metallic bronze elements are cute, plus I like that the ‘Soph x’ logo is in the same font and colour on both palettes; it works well against the matte peach of the eyeshadow palette, too. For the price you get 24 different eyeshadows; 14 of which are matte shades and the other 10 shades are shimmers. The majority of the shades are warm toned, but I like that no two shades are similar, there’s a lot to choose from. Although the palette isn’t particularly bulky, it’s a fairly large size to hold so that’s a bit of a downside if you want to use it for travelling or applying make up on the go. The pan size for the eyeshadows are reasonably sized too; identically rectangular with the lightest shades in the top row getting steadily darker to the darkest shades in the bottom row. The added cellophane that tells you the shade names is a nice but unnecessary touch, although I leave the cellophane on top of the shades to keep the mirror clean so it is useful. 

When I’m feeling brave I tend to favour bronze, smokey eyes and this palette does that kind of look really well; there’s so many shades of bronze shimmers that work well and don’t crease once applied on the lid. I have a love/hate relationship with the pigmentation of the shadows in the palette as on the one hand, it’s great that they’re so pigmented for the price, but on the other hand it makes it difficult to work with when you’re like me and destined to make a mistake. I’ve not found any shadow that works better or is more pigmented than another, but I’m finding myself favouring the shades such as Pug, Pancakes and Cuppa Tea (two matte browns) for my everyday eyeshadow as I like a neutral shade on the lid, but I’m becoming a bit more experimental with using shimmers on top, such as Fairy Lights or Copper Coin. I feel like this is a great palette for all occasions but also a good way to get more experienced with eyeshadow as it’s reasonably priced, so you can wipe away mistakes and not feel like you’re wasting money. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve used this palette every single day and in all honesty, none of the shadows feel like they’re bad quality. There’s no chalky feel on the skin, no excessive fallout and no creasing after a couple of hours. I’m also pleased with the fact that none of the shadows look like they’ve taken a bashing after everyday wear so I’m hoping I’ll be able to use this palette constantly over the next few months. I was expecting the MakeUp Revolution x Soph Highlighter Palette to be my favourite palette of the moment, but I’m pleasantly surprised to be prefer the Eyeshadow Palette; I struggle with applying eyeshadow in general so it feels good to have finally found a palette that I can use and not stress about the expensiveness whilst still getting good results. I know it’s early days but I feel like I’ll end up repurchasing this palette once I’ve ruined this one and that is something I never thought I would say!







Wednesday, 4 April 2018

Book Review: Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine




This book is the one that I’ve been desperate to read for the past year; usually I’m not one to be tempted by any book that is insanely hyped up or on Bestsellers lists. However, there was something about this book that genuinely piqued my interest. Eleanor is a woman who is fairly unremarkable, on the offset. She is plain, has a stable job and lives alone. But there is so much more to her; she has a troubled past, with scars from burns all over one side of her body. She struggles with socialising, even with colleagues that she has known for a long time; she has a difficult relationship with alcohol, and with her mother. Despite these things, Eleanor isn’t unhappy; she actually likes her life, her routine of surviving the working week and then spending the weekend with vodka and pizza seems to be satisfying enough for her. Not only is she lonely, but she is determinedly so, doing all she can to avoid any form of contact with others and only getting phone calls from her mother, who is often verbally abusive towards her. Fortunately, they onyl communicate via phone calls so there is no opportunity for physical abuse as far as the reader can tell. However the relationship between them is so uncomfortable to read, but at the same time such a necessary part of understanding Eleanor and why she struggles with life in general as many look to their mothers for guidance.

Eleanor is a beautiful narrator; everything about her and her mind is so different that everything about the world is seen through her eyes and perspective. The only way to describe her is unique; she has very particular habits and ideas, especially about how to talk, work and dress properly but ultimately she is incredibly lonely. Yes, she does actively avoid any kind of social interaction, but that’s more because she thinks that she prefers her own company rather than because she hates the outside world. Working in finance for a graphic design company, naturally her colleagues are young, extroverted and don’t make much effort with her, either. To begin with, this story begins rather slowly as Honeyman needs to establish who Eleanor is before any action can take place; that’s not a bad thing, but it does make you wonder where on earth the story could be headed. There are a few things that start the change of Eleanor’s life: her office computer brakes, meaning that she meets Raymond; Eleanor and Raymond help an older man who collapses into the road and Eleanor watching a concert where she falls in love. What makes this story so clearly about love, is just how much Eleanor desires love without even realising; without actively looking for love she believes that she has found the ‘one’ and does what all sensible people do and get a makeover. Hair, nails, wardrobe and even a bikini wax! Her reactions to each of these things are hilarious and honestly, her character grows on you very quickly.

There are so many topics covered with delicacy in this novel that it almost seemed like a blur; relationships, abuse, death and mental health amongst many others. One of things that hit me the most about this book what the truth in the fact that everyone has good and bad days; however with the help of your friends you can always pick yourself up. Eleanor definitely has a reliance on alcohol, but all of her issues are ultimately connected to her past; her scars (both physical and mental) and her difficulties stemming from various care homes and foster carers. This is the kind of book that manages to get under your skin without your realisation; one minute you’re thinking this woman is strange and then the next you’re genuinely concerned about her, if she’s coping properly, if she needs some extra support at all. The amazing thing about this novel is that the plot is character led, yet you can imagine Eleanor as though she’s somebody you actually know; the bond between reader and narrator becomes unbelievably strong. Eleanor is a strong character and ultimately she ends up with a good job, good friends and good frame of mind after almost thirty years of heartache. There was not a traditional happy ending, but a realistic one; she is an extraordinary woman who enjoys a simple life and has found herself to be a survivor regardless of the odds.

Overall, I loved this book; yes, it was a slow beginning but oh my gosh it was such a good read. It was an unusual read about an unusual woman, who by her own description, wasn’t particularly beautiful, funny or clever yet she quickly grabbed my heart. There’s definitely a bit of Eleanor in all of us; unintentionally outspoken, insecure and strong. I loved Honeyman’s depiction of a lost soul; one who desperately needed some kind of support, some friends who could replace her lack of family. By the end of the novel, I assumed that I had guessed everything and I’m happy to say that I was completely wrong - some of the best books are those that surprise you and this one did that. I wasn’t expecting to enjoy this book as much as I did, or feel so much for Eleanor, Raymond and Sammy, each of whom had something that made them unique, a good friend even though they each had their own problems. I doubt I’ll read a book like this for a long time, but it’s one that I’m sure will stick in my mind; I’d love to know what happens next. This was an easy 5 stars for me, the issues that plagued this book were slowly unravelled with delicacy and ultimately the whole story just felt so inexplicably real that it was impossible not to get a little teary at times! I definitely recommend reading this, particularly if you’re a fan of books that don’t have a simple answer to every one of life’s problems.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

Book Review: Cruel Crown



After loving Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard, it felt completely necessary to read this book. Although it is not a part of the series, it is an added extra; two short novellas, to be read alongside the main series. Generally, I’m not a fan of short stories, but I had so many unanswered questions (plus I was waiting for the second in the series to arrive) that I decided to throw away the rule book and give this book the benefit of the doubt. Split into two parts, it was an opportunity to understand a little more about the world through two very different narrators; it was a welcome contrast to Mare’s narration throughout Red Queen. The first and shortest of the two stories was narrated by Queen Coriane; allowing for the reader to understand further her engagement and eventual marriage to King Tiberias, as well as her own story; her shyness, her friendship with Sara and her brother Julian. Coriane writes her thoughts and feelings down in a Diary, constantly terrified of other people being inside of her mind, reading her thoughts and controlling her actions. Queen Song was beautifully written; definitely my favourite of the two stories but it explained so much about Court life, her feelings for Sara, Julian, Cal and Tibe, as well as her unhappiness with being Queen of Norta due to the amount of court women that openly despised her and wanted her crown.

The main reason I enjoyed Queen Song was because it read as more of a stand alone story, not simply a novella. This was due to Coriane being deceased in Red Queen, so she came across as a new character, rather than a shadow of a character. Although she is a character that is mentioned a fair amount, it was interesting to see the world from her perspective; I would never have guessed how much she despised court life, or how much Elara made her life a misery. It was also nice to understand more about the status within Blood Status; as Coriane may be Silver, but her House of Jacos is not one of those famed for riches, bravery or anything in particular. Even her power isn’t the most interesting or strong, so many of the other women at court actively make her life difficult. All in all, Coriane is both fragile and mysterious and Tibe became a vulnerable, gentle man in her presence; her love story was beautiful and so it’s a shame that their love was cut so short as they came across as really caring and supporting of one another. However, the second of the two stories, Steel Scars didn’t manage to capture my interest quite as much. It was longer and therefore more detailed, but it just didn’t flow as well; Farley is a fantastic character and she is tough, beautiful and determined to see through the revolution; that the Reds will rise against the Silvers. It was a great way to see a little more of the Scarlet Guard’s dynamic, as well as seeing more of Shade, Mare’s favourite brother.

Although the Steel Scars was longer, I felt as though it was not as well written. I understand that the Scarlet Guard is a rebel group, in the midst of becoming a fully fledged army so communication is key. However, to read the communications between members and the Command was really frustrating. Not only were the messages repetitive, they seemed to drag the rest of the text down; in all honesty I would’ve really preferred the story without them, they didn’t feel like a necessary addition to the text. That said, I liked the insight into military operations and seeing how Farley was genuinely a headstrong, confident female. One of the great things about this series is the range of strong female leads; unfortunately though, Farley didn’t come across in this novella as well as she does in the series, which was a shame as I was interested in seeing the world from her perspective. She seemed a lot more vulnerable in this novella, with her true age revealed; very different to how she appears in the series, however it was nice to see some of the conversations and/or situations between her and Mare from her perspective, some which are seen through Mare in Red Queen. She’s driven by the want for equality and it was nice to see how she deliberately undermines those above her in rank to see through to the end of an investigation. What was truly bizarre was little Farley’s personality comes across in this story; considering this is her point of view, I expected more. In the series she dominates those older, wiser and stronger, yet in this tale there weren’t many glimpses of that, although regardless she is still a strong character and I can’t wait to see what the future novels hold for her.

Overall, this novella is a great addition to the series, although I would only only recommend it if you’re willing to remember that it is a novella and not a full novel. It’s important to remember that this book is a part of a series but not a standalone novel. It’s a nice, quick read of less than 200 pages for both stories, plus it does allow for a little extra background information prior to starting Glass Sword. As I’ve said above, I preferred Queen Song not only because it was shorter and to the point, but because it showed a character that was only mentioned in the series; it gave a backstory to the majority of the events that happen in Red Queen and allowed for further understanding of the difficult relationships between Tibe, Cal, Maven, Elara, Julian and Sara as a result of Coriane’s death. I felt like Steel Scars had a lot of potential; ever since Farley was introduced into the series I wanted to know more about her and her motives. As much the text gives information, it hides a lot more. I was expecting more from the text, if I’m honest, although it wasn’t unreadable. It’s important not to compare the novella to the series; it’s an extra, not a necessity, but I would recommend reading Cruel Crown as it does provide a little more understanding for how hard it is to live as both Red and Silver. I’d rate this novella 4 stars, purely because although I felt one story was stronger than the other, both stories add to your understanding of Aveyard’s fictional world. I adored Red Queen and so this is was a nice addition to the series, even if elements of it were somewhat disappointing.

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