Anxiety Struggles

 

Having started a new job literally last week, I've once again found that my anxiety has gone sky high again. Nothing can prepare you for the insane feelings of loneliness that you will inevitably feel. What I've struggled with the most is not only the dreaded feelings of loneliness, but also with feeling useless and therefore like I have no clue what I'm doing. However, what I've found the hardest is letting go; not knowing what I actually am supposed to be doing, or having any kind of control over anything. This probably sounds a bit pathetic, but after being in my last job for five years, I knew more or less everything that was expected of me and how to do it. Whereas now I feel as though I need more help, more direction; I'm not used to feeling like I need to be told what to do constantly, I'm used to simply knowing what to do.

The worst thing about changing jobs is the lack of confidence that I'm currently experiencing; I feel like I need everyone to like me, everyone to constantly give me advice or tell me that I'm doing ok. Pathetic as it is, I'm deeply insecure right now. I'm literally scrutinising myself so much right now, my weight, my height, my physical looks and my mental capacity. I hate admitting this, but I'm struggling right now, which is really stressful as just a few weeks ago I had been taking great steps to realise that I was doing better, I felt a huge amount of positivity headed my way. However, I guess with huge bouts of positivity, it makes sense that negativity follows that as not every day can be a good day, just as not every day can be a bad day.

I guess I'm learning that the good days and the bad days are all valuable lessons; realistically life isn't as simple as always being up or always being down, you have to work for your luck. Yes life is difficult right now, but in a few weeks time I'm sure I'll be much better again. At the moment I'm adjusting to having a new job, a new schedule and potentially a new life. I really miss my friends, my old job (something that I would never have dreamed would be true) as I was in a comfortable state. Although what's keeping me going and pushing through with my new job is that I can't stay the same forever, I need to change, I need to encourage myself to reshape, relearn and reassess myself. I want to push myself to better myself, as difficult as it feels. Living with anxiety is so incredibly hard, but whenever you manage to pull through, you feel so good for it. So yes, it's hard right now but in a month or so, I'll be proud of myself for surviving this rough patch. Because I am a survivor.

 

Favourite Instagrammers - September

Hello again! As you will definitely know by now, I am what many would call a complete Instagram addict, to the point where I scroll through the home page many times per day, just to ensure that I've seen literally everything that I can in from that day. I follow people that I know and that I don't, from all areas across the world. Every month I follow a few more people that catch my eye and I take a liking to. I've always liked seeing how other people live and their passions and instagram is a fantastic way to explore others visually. All of the images below are from a simple Instagram google image search, the usernames are detailed below the images.

 

katyannestuart

I really love Katy's photographic style and her Instagram is full of lovely autumnal coloured views of flowers, horses and herself. Her vibrant red hair makes her stand out, especially against the soft greens of the landscape. She definitely has a passion for florals, animals and fashion as well as anything in between. Plus, her wedding photos look so nice, complete with a dog and a beautiful river landscape. She's one of the people I followed recently but I really like seeing her posts.

 

sarah_nunn

Her love for travelling is what made me follow her, her effortless style and love for the beauty found in new places and the little things. I liked how when she's exploring she documents even the smallest of details, whether that is tiled or mosaic flooring, or simply landscape views of cliffs and the sea they're always nicely framed and make me want to travel more often. She also posts photos of food and drink, even basics like coffee somehow look super interesting and that's why I like her posts so much, the small moments are just as important as huge moments.

 

girlandcloset

A lovely lady living in Vancouver, her posts are always very foresty and rather whimsical, whether intentionally or not. Soft autumnal lighting and deep hazy sunshine makes her posts photographically so pleasing to see. This month I've really been loving her posts because she's definitely in tune with the Sedona, going pumpkin picking and documenting leafy woodland walks. Her love of nature really shines through in all of posts, even her outfit posts are taken outside and embracing the changing seasons wearing boots, jeans and comfy cardigans; Veronika is more than worth a follow.

 

littlevoiceblog

I love how Georgia documents all parts of her life, from new house keys, moving cities for university, her pets and her travels. Her posts are often pretty minimalist, with close ups of coffee cups, travel cards and books. That said, I like that she captures things from an unusual perspective; it's nice to see how other people see things. Her views of exterior architecture are both interesting and photographically beautiful, regardless of their unconventional framing techniques. Her captions to the images are always both sensitive and direct to the point, which sometimes are more interesting than the images themselves and the reason why I followed her this month.

 

shotfromthestreet

I recently followed Lizzy, and I don't regret it at all, I liked how she showcases both herself and her taste in fashion using the city as a canvas. However what I really liked is that the captions to her images, she talks about life, for example what books she's reading, her life and her travels, not only fashion. Her personal style is fairly androgynous but somehow classics and co-ordinates well with her 'Instagram theme'. Usually I'm not a fan of accounts with all images of the self but she's definitely made an exception to the rule.